[M] Make a mercy out of me

When he had thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, he had just made it worse. He walked away from that damn room, his fingers at his lips as he brushed away the blood of a split lip. He and Shyam had just had a good scuffle, which he came out unvictorious. He told himself it was mainly because he just went in with his injured fist first. He had just forgotten about it. But his hand certainly didn't. So when push came to shove, the electrifying pain that came through his hand was something he would not forget.

It was ugly. He was still steaming from it. It was stupid anyway to try to make amends. Because they would blame him anyway, no matter how hard he would say he was sorry, or if he would beg for forgiveness. Well, he wasn't going to anyway, and now he certainly would never again. His right hand now hung useless next to his body and he would be terribly sore in the morning. He didn't want to think about it. Right about know, he wanted to drink something strong and sink into a deep sleep.

Ezekiel was on his way to his chambers. He wiped his sleeve over his lip, because he had gotten tired of the taste of blood pretty quickly. He would go looking for a healer the next day. Because for know, he wanted to flee from it all. It was getting more and more tempting to flee the city all in itself. But the thing was, it was not just his own future he was throwing away anymore. And if you talk of the devil, there she was.

Turn on your heels and flee. That was all what was going through his mind. Just turn the other way, and he complain his rude behaviour the next day when she would probably be mad at him again. Or well, Chaska did not really get mad. She would just stare at him with those not-amused eyes and make some snarky comment about him being a coward. He could handle that, he did not have to explain anything to her at all. He barely even dared to lift his eyes to look at her. But he did, a little stolen glance, he saw that she was crying.

She was brave about it, though. Because after all, she approached him. Ezekiel also had stopped dead, not moving as she came closer. But the distance between them still lingered and while she asked a question he about predicted, the voice didn't hold the same power as it used to, in those rare few moments they had shone more of their true colors to each other. So when she wasn't looking at him, he looked at her. Her sadness was a high contrast to his anger, and they both hid it terribly. Because he immediately felt like he had to be defensive. None of her business. But he just tensed up his jaw. ‘‘Trouble,’’ he scoffed simply. He still did not want to explain himself to her. ‘‘Haven't you heard?’’ he continued bitterly. He imagined his little show had spread like wildfire.  

Oh, what a mess he must look like. He truly felt like it to. So he drew his gaze away again as he wiped a finger over his lip again. And if she knew about it, would she be scared of him? Would she be angry? Would she think her life was ruined, now she had to be with him? He was not making good first, second or third impressions. And as this stand-off was being quite something they had seen before between them, only the stakes were like a hundred times higher. ‘‘So what's your problem?’’

Ezekiel turned his head to the side as he saw her finding her fire again. It was not her approval he was after, but still he felt uneasy about it. Because he was afraid there would be a lot more of this- no, he would never allow to let himself go like that ever again. But today he was all but able to walk away from a fight, and the next one had just appeared in front of him. Although this was a very different opponent, and he had a very different part of himself to protect.  

So, she hadn't heard. Chaska looked kinda upset by this. For a split second he wondered if it might be better if she would hear it from him. Because then maybe, maybe, he could make her understand. But then again, he did not need her understanding. He didn't care if she would hate him after this. She already didn't like him. Well, the feeling was mutual. ‘‘No-one of note,’’ he replied stoically. Shyam was after al just a guard, not important. No, nobody would bat an eye if he had only roughed up the guard for a bit. Like, they wouldn't be happy. But he had made Myrddin bedridden. And the backlash from that would be like no other. His aunt would be livid. Maybe at the end of the day their common problem could be solved and the engagement would be cancelled. Maybe if Chaska's parents would hear of this... ‘‘Just an accident.’’ That was a blatant lie, but it was all he had right now.

And then she had him by the arm, telling- no ordering him to sit down. He pulled his arm back swiftly as his eyes shot at her. He was still pumping adrenaline through his veins, he barely felt the pain. But what he did feel was the way she tried to steer him. Why did she even care? ‘‘Don't worry about it,’’ he hissed at her, noticing his hostile tone too late. He stepped away from her as he gave her another look. He couldn't do this right now. He could not even try to be slightly mannered, to try and woo her into some kind of live that they could have together. She had asked him not to pretend and this was what she would get: no pretending.  He slightly shook his head as he broke the eye contact and turned to walk to his room.  

By Lythrania, woman, just let it go. That was what almost stumbled over his lips as she kept pushing. So what if he was lying, wasn't it clear enough that he did want to talk about this, least of all with her. Maybe they had to go back to pretending and was she becoming way to comfortable already. Had he hinted too much that they were friends or something, back in Silvercrest? When she stepped closer, he looked down at her for a long second, because he recognized that fieriness in her. But today it was not spend on her being angry at the world, but directly at him.

Ezekiel had no good respons to that. She wanted answers that he did want to give her. So he did what he did best, just walk away from the problem in front of him, because he could not allow himself to lose it again. And once he turned her back at her, he almost thought that it had worked. But seemed that being stubborn really was a strong trait in the Vylasar family, because she was at his side soon enough. So when she grabbed him again, he flinched and pulled back, but Chaska was prepared now, her hand clasped firmly around the fabric of his sleeve. The urge to get violent was getting stronger and he really had to contain himself not to snap. Because although it felt like he was at the bottom of the barrel, it sure would make things even far more worse.

So he just exhaled sharply in displeasure when she spoke again. Of course he did not think she was stupid. It was probably the opposite, too smart for her own good. Her words made him glance at her quickly a few times. She really was pushing him against a wall, wasn't she? ‘‘Fine,’’ he finally spat back, but there was no love in those words. And he hated himself for giving in, but the look in the eyes of Chaska betrayed that she would not.

Ezekiel's mind circled back to the idea that maybe it was better if he heard it from him. But it was also the shame and guilt that made him not want to tell her, even after her demands. He tried to shrug her hand of him one last time, before taking big steps to walk to his room. It was not far anyway, so if she so desperately wanted to, she had to keep up. He opened the door, again forgetting about his busted right hand and hissing through his teeth as he slammed the door handle a bit too enthusiastically. He looked back over his shoulder at Chaska. Welcome home, he supposed.

In some ways they were similar, in some they were the polar opposites. And at this moment, the two of them clashed harder then they had ever done before. Because all he wanted was to run away from the confrontation, but she kept confronting him again and again. When she needed to have the last word, he narrowed his eyes at her. By Lythrania, this woman was already getting under his skin.

Her bickering was unrelenting as she continued to comment on every little thing he seemed to do. ‘‘I am,’’ he hissed back at her, not granting her to have a last word this time. But she probably would. He could almost here her sarcastic "I see" already. But once they were in his room, he almost wished he could be relieved. But his safe space was invaded, and he could not lose the tension in his shoulders. He heard her close the door behind him and he halted in this empty room. And when he turned half back to her, to see her with her arms crossed leaning against the door, he raised his eyebrows, as if it was a challenge. ‘‘And now what, hm?’’ He tilted his head to the side a bit, because he still wasn't convinced why she was so adamant to follow him hear. He just scoffed and moved further into the room, grabbing a clean towel and dipped it into some water, only to press it against his face firmly wipe the blood of his face.

Ezekiel turned and leaned against a dresser, almost at the opposite side of the room. He could feel her look burning into his skin, but he kept silent. Because he knew that the questions would start coming any second now. And he was preparing himself for a reply. He carefully looked back at her. He had to give her at least this, she was not afraid. And in the meantime, he had to do everything to not let him allow himself to be terrified. Now that the adrenaline was wearing of, his mind circled back to earlier this morning. A darkness that clouded this very room. Ezekiel set his jaw and dabbed at his lip.

If this was a preview of how their future was going to be like, they would have a long, exasperating life in front of them. And how she kept invading his personal space and his mind, was infuriating. It started innocent, grabbing his arm to convince their cousin how wonderfully pleased she was with the union. But then the questions had started, the resentment. And for a second it had felt like they had a shared interest, a common enemy. But no, that had just been wishful thinking.

Chaska made her way over to him and the question that he knew was coming, came. So he sighed and looked back at the ground. He had stalled it for as long as he could, be she was just- not taking no for an answer. Ezekiel absently kept hold of his towel, shuffling on his feet for a second. He just had to bite through the sour apple. He would just have to answer it. The ugly truth would only satisfy her. And in the best situation, it would scare her away. By Lythrana, it was so stupid. He had been such an idiot. And the more the realization dawned on him to say the words out loud, he just felt guilty.

Ezekiel was roughly pulled out of his thought as the towel was snatched from his, and Chaska stated that he was doing it wrong, or whatever. Ezekiel's eyes widened slightly as she came very close now, her hand raising to his face. He backed away slightly, but as soon as she started to gently pat the wound, he just froze. His heart rate elevated as his eyes fluttered from her hand near his face, to her face, her eyes, the two colors of her hair. And he gave into it, let her help him, if it was only this. ‘‘It's not mine-’’ he promptly started. Who was he trying to distract? Her, or himself? ‘‘Well, most of it. I-’’ He struggled to find the right words, mainly because he was just ashamed. As much as he wanted to blame Myr, at the end of the day it was his fault. He shook his head slightly. ‘‘I put Myrddin in the infirmary and doing so made myself very... unpopular.’’

Ezekiel gave a tiny shrug. That was it, basically. No beating around the bush. He blinked and forced himself not to look away. He would not allow himself that way out. It was mental torture for himself, but he needed to see her reaction. He had to, that was part of the punishment. After seeing Myrddin's panic and Shyam's anger, he deserved whatever Chaska would serve up for him. He did not want to run away from that.

As soon as the realization hit Chaska and she moved away, and he saw the storm-cloud of emotions in his eyes, he had seen enough. He bit on the inside of his cheek as his gaze went to the ground again. He closed his eyes for a second as she was starting to fumble a bit, searching for words, or the right questions to ask. And by the Lythrania, he had no idea how he could respond to it. Maybe he should tell the woman he would spend the rest of his life with the stupid history between him and his cousin that had imploded today. But Chaska has been here for like a whole twenty minutes. He could not trust her.

‘‘It's complicated,’’ he defensively barked back at her. It was a weak excuse, but he hoped it would at least scare her of to pry any further. And it was not as if she would be talking to Myr about it any time soon, whatever that prick would tell her about it. He better not say anything. Another person he could not trust. This house felt more like a prison and enemies were all around him. The only reason he was still here, was that fragile bond of family and the duty woven into it.

Ezekiel looked back up at her as she tried to convince him to tell more, but he only gave her a stern look. ‘‘Don't,’’ he said, but it had an undertone of pleading. But that moment swiftly faded away as he placed a mad frown on his head and looked away again. ‘‘Don't try to pry into my life, only because you think you are entitled to it because of this arrangement.’’ He told her what happened, she did not need the details. About how he could not stand Myrddin. That their bond was ruined since they were boys. Or even worse, that he had no control over his magic. She did not need that. They were to be married, and that was it. ‘‘I don't owe you anything.’’

Ezekiel felt a tiny bit of victory as he scared her away a bit more. He never wanted her here, so being defensive seemed to finally start working. Only that he had to give up the last piece of a good impression she might thought of him. But it just felt safer to push her away. Even if she was trying so hard, to show her good intentions. To make this... work? He never understood where she got that irrational idea. It somehow always seemed to resort back to this, shaky hands and trembling voices.

Well, that was an open door. He scoffed at her words. This family was all kinds of fucked up, and it was all being swept under the rug. Maybe it was the crazy ideas, rooted stuck in tradition and duty, that sorcerers only had to marry other sorcerers, because imagine if that power was being left to the big world, far from home. Because then you would have creatures like him, reaping havoc all over the continent. No, better to keep them locked away under the sea, was it not?

So the silver haired man struck, and he struck low. He wanted to push her away more and more. He did not want to hurt her, but it eventually happened anyway. So why not start now, when it would be short lived and they had not yet build something to break down. Chaska went for the attack and Ezekiel still looked away from her, exhaling sharply as she told him their lives weren't their. Were they ever? They were traded away so easily. And she continued to rage on, judging the people responsible for their situation and sentencing their fates in the same sentence. And then she was close to him again, demanding him to man up and look at her. Ezekiel clenched his jaw and turned his back to her, her face ever so close to his. Close enough for him to sea a tear stream down her face. And for a moment, his angry expression wavered as a pang of guilt went right through his body.

The silence that followed was painful, as the air was heavy between them. And the pang of guilt was soon overruled by anger again. At her, at his aunt, at everybody who got in his way today. And it all wavered down at this point, where he was angry that her words started to make sense. ‘‘Okay,’’ he hissed through his teeth. He did not understand why she was so desperate for this to work, to bow down at her parents feet. ‘‘If that is what you want.’’ And in one motion he moved forward, not leaning against the dresser anymore where she had pushed him back against. For a moment he stood somewhat taller than her, looking down at her teary face, and then he moved his hands upwards, putting them both them on her neck, his thumbs thumbs resting just in front of her ears, and he crashed his lips against hers.

The sorcerers heart-rate went up a few notches as he stopped thinking and started doing. It had been a very, very rash decision. He was backed up in a corner and there was no way out. He did not want to talk to her, he wanted to stop her from pushing on so much. He hated how she did not allow him to bury his feelings, to not walk away from his, to just shut up and give in. And when he saw the options of escape disappearing in front of him, he took the problem head on. If she wanted a marriage, she would know what it meant.

As soon as he kissed her, he felt her tense up. This might be the biggest mistake in his life, maybe bigger than putting the heir of Lythrania on a deathbed. He expected her to fight back, move away from him as soon as the towel dropped to the floor. He pressed his fingers tighter in her neck, daring her not to let go. She wanted this, she made him to it, or that was what he told himself in that split second of uncertainty.

It did not take long. No, she came clashing towards his body and the kiss quickly deepened. Everything short circuited in his brain as he started to heat up from head to toe, as every single touch of her felt scorching. He grunted when she bit on his already sore lip. She was not stepping down, so his good hand moved up inwards her hair and tugged at the back of her head. The rusty taste in his mouth started to mix with a few of her salty tears.

As roughly as they came together, how sudden it halted. But only for a moment to catch a breath. He looked at her, their faces closer than ever, his hands sliding down his body, as he felt his heart pounding in his throat. She had enough time to insult him once again. An idiot? Hm, well. For a moment a small smirk tugged on his lips. ‘‘Stop talking,’’ he said as he grabbed the wrist of the hand that had slid down his chest. And when he leaned back in for another kiss, he pushed his body back against hers, forcing her to step backwards. And while he hungrily kissed her, he moved her back against one off the walls, raising her hand he was holding above her head and pinning it down.

It was quite funny how easy it was for him to change tactics. Because at least he could be in control of this. It was picking between poisons, and this tasted intoxicatingly sweet. And when he made her shut up, it made him forget what they were actually fighting about. He could only think about what was happening in this moment, which wasn’t very helpful, as his mind was jumping from shameful desire to the embarrassment that it had to come to this.

The sorcerer did not regret is as their bodies crashed together against the wall. Chaska also did not back down. When she was overwhelmed in the first instant, she seemed to have found her fire back. Was she angry? At least she stopped complaining. She certainly was not complaining now, as she forced him even closer to her. He looked at her, as her lips had turned scarlet as well. He breathed heavily as she said those two words. Even know, she just would not back down, and she knew exactly how to get him worked up.

Ezekiel probably should have taken this moment as a sign to back down, step away and let not get himself tempted in a challenge, again. But he knew what would happen if he did, because Chaska had no breaks, ever, it seemed. So he lowered his injured hand from her face, grazing it past the curve of her neck as his thumb trailed down from her chin, over her throat. And once his hand was low enough, he pressed his fingers tighter around her neck. His eyes were still on her as he slightly raised his eyebrows for a moment. The pressure of his grip on her other hand faltered as he moved in to place a kiss next to her ear.

Ezekiel admired how she was handling everything. She seemed to be thriving on it, with those devilish looks she was giving him. It almost made him forget why he was doing this, what kind of escape route he was taking. Because of both paths he could choose, this seemed to be the less rocky one. So before he brought his lips to her skin again, he dug in his fingers a bit further in the soft skin of her neck, with protest of his hurting hand, that probably had a few broken bones.

When he heard affirmation of breath getting stuck in her throat, he smiled against her skin, before biting down softly. His breath was hot near her ear and he ravished in the moment he felt completely in control. He was no longer running. He was making her tremble soon enough. He would make sure she would forget what they were fighting about. And next morning- well, that was a problem for the next morning.

But Chaska was not backing down either, as he felt her hand slipping beneath his shirt. Every part of their skins making contact, made him burn up. He felt shivers down his spine, but it was the good kind of tingly sensation. And as he work his way down from her jawline to the nape of her neck, she traced her fingers down. Ezekiel inhaled sharply and froze in his movements. All the way it was then.

The sorcerer released her neck as he took her hand that was teasing him below the belt. He looked at her with something that almost could be described as a teasing smile. Not yet. He took a step back as he took both her hands and then turned her around like it was some dance, bringing her arms above her head and making them cross in front of her body as he brought his hands around her waist. Then he pushed his hips against her and shoving her against the wall again. Then he released her wrists and started to work on undoing the laces of her dress on her back.