Spare me some mercy

❝ On the edge of death all I could think about was you ❞

When he returned back home, barely dressed and severally cold, the maidens had gotten furious at him. They asked him what had happened, the wound on his back had been ripped open once more by something the healers said could have only been a weapon. Ve didn't care much what it was and had simply asked them to take care of him, before he passed out for the first time.

In that short period alone he kept passing out, fading in and out of consciousness as he did. Whenever he came by he just simply wanted to pass out again, as the pain was too much. His lungs felt so tight, so small. And with every new breath he could feel them shake. How could a human live like that? With every new breath... New pain finding its way up his upper body. SHaking him, making him mad with anger regarding it. But he didn't have the energy to display his restrain against it. He didn't have the power to even show anything right now. He was simply a sick boy, bound to his bed once more. If only he could turn the time back to a couple of days ago, he would have never left the estate while feeling sick. Yet, he had done that... And now he was paying the price for it.

Coming by once more he blinked slowly. His body had deteriorated a lot in only a couple of days. His sickness eating away at him like a savage beast. His mentality perhaps being the most fragile thing regarding it all. He had thought it was over. That he had become better and these kind of days were something of the past. But here he was, at Ranaans mercy once more. Now only the gods could decide what his faith would be. Because he was sure the healers had already tried everything to stabilize him. Now it was up to him. The weak boy sighed, before coughing weakly. Not even noticing if anyone was in the room with him, nor noticing that his upper body had been bandaged up. He wasn't aware of what had happened that night. He wasn't aware of a lot of things right now.

It took too long before word got to him about Ve. By the time Erek had made it to the boy’s room, his nephew had already passed out. He looked so small and young, in bed, barely able to breath, unable to do anything but just lay there. In the next few days, Erek tried to visit as much as he could, but Ve was never awake when he came. Nothing could make the young man better, he only deteriorated further.

Today, Erek had made sure none of the healers were in the room when he visited his nephew. He’d just made a sacrifice to Ranaan and could feel the energy coursing through him, waiting for a way out.

Erek sat down in the chair next to Ve’s bed. Softly, he placed his hand on the boy’s head, hot, like always. A piece of paper, old and worn down, with the words he needed to chant rested in his other hand. This spell wouldn’t instantly make the young man feel better, but hopefully it would help him to recover. Whispering the words, careful that no one was coming to the room, Erek performed the incantation.

❝ On the edge of death all I could think about was you ❞

Slipping away once more he list grip of his consciousness. Fragile as always, it almost felt as if drifting off to a dream. And perhaps he was feeling angry about it, but right now… He felt tired and the caring hands of whatever pulled at him carried him off to someplace peaceful. He could feel his mind ease as it, a soft, warm light a welcoming addition to the darkness around him. Facing it he wondered to himself if this was actually it. The end. No grand battle where he got slain, but defeated by his inner demons, the illness that had been eating away at him. He reached out, trying to grab the warmth, trying to pull it closer. His hands had become stiff from the cold and his breath was shaky. But he couldn’t feel the sharp pain anymore. As his fingers softly touched the light, he felt himself come more at peace with it all. Seeing images of his own mother, of his childhood, his dogs and…

He gasped for air, opening his eyes swiftly. His gaze going around the room as his breathing was hastened. The warm hands on his forehead were something he noticed right away. Bewildered and in some sort of shock he stared up at the man who was with him. Blinking slowly as the shock faded away he whispered to the man; "I- You..." He was so ready at that moment to let go, let it just be. But he- What had he done? He took a deep breath, the sharp pain in his chest returning as he did. "Uncle..." He whispered, wisely keeping his questions for himself. He knew he wasn't supposed to wake up ever again. Yet here he was. His mind still hazy he wondered if his body was stronger then he thought. "You shouldn't see me like this..." He said weakly, a smile curling on his face. He still felt so tired, but he was happy to see the one person that seemed to care about him. The one good Trygg. His father wouldn't even come and visit him when he was ill, but this man would. Perhaps he had been wrong about him...

For a moment the boy’s breathing softened and Erek held his own breath, hoping his spell wasn’t too late and his nephew would make it. A purple glow still hung in the air when a sharp inhale broke the silence and Ve’s eyes opened. “Take it calm,” he soothed the boy when he tried to talk.

Erek’s soft smile dropped a bit when Ve spoke again, but he quickly recovered. He felt his heart twitch at the words. The man hadn’t always agreed with his brother’s parenting methods and now it seemed more clear than ever why—even though it hurt him to think that now Vikar was gone. “Don’t worry about me,” he answered while he moved his hand away from Ve’s forehead, moving a lock of hair out of his face during the motion.

❝ On the edge of death all I could think about was you ❞

His mind was still foggy... His head just felt heavy. As he closed his eyes for a moment he tried to take a deep breath. It stung his lungs as he did the motion as if something was constricting him. He felt the urge to cough, but held himself back. His body was so weak, he wouldn't be able to. As he opened his eyes he listened to his uncles words. Take it calm. Hm... His gaze went to the man for a moment. He was unfamiliar with words like that. But he wasn't wrong. Had he just not had a close encounter with death itself? As he closed his eyes once more he tried to collect his thoughts. What had happened?

He noted to his uncle that he shouldn't see him like this. He wasn't wrong. No-one should see him while he was struggling to stay alive. Struggling to breath, struggling to just remain. His father had always found it despicable, he didn't blame him... But the last time he had seen the man he had looked worst then him. He wondered if the man, in his last moments, actually felt bad for how he had treated him. He had become even more ill then he had been. For blaming him to be so weak, he sure as hell didn't do it himself.. Since he was dead and all now. Ve opened his eyes once more and looked at his uncle. Was he just here to visit him? Or was something else the matter....? As his body was already pulling back at him, begging him to close his eyes, he fought it. He didn't want to sleep, not right now.

"So," He said weakly. "Any news?" he smiled at his uncle, trying to show him that he was all right. As if he had not just fought for his life. As if he had just not almost let go of everything he had fought for. He was so tired. He was sure that, if the chance would come again, he would take it. He had been fighting for so long with so little result. Always coming back to the same point. It was just an endless circle after all. As his vision trailed off, he took a deep breath. He let it go quite quickly, aching of pain as he did. "Is she.... angry... with me?" He asked softly, his face shifting to something more sad. He was sure that Rán would roll her eyes again. Be disappointed once again. Just like father would do. He couldn't help it... When would they... She... see that?

Ve’d been stable for years now, still weak, but at least he’d been stable… until now. No one knew what had brought the young man’s body in this state and while the healers had done the best they could, Ve looked closer to death than ever. Still, he managed a smile and asked Erek if there was any news. A soft chuckle escaped the man. “Not much. There’s some disputes about a trading deal,” he answered as if they were just having a normal conversation, but noticed that Ve was having a hard time.

The question made Erek look down before he met Ve’s gaze again. “You know your sister.” It didn’t seem like much of an answer, but he didn’t want to give it much more thought than that and knew Ve would get anything he needed to know out of it.

❝ On the edge of death all I could think about was you ❞

The downfall of his health... What could have been the cause. He was sure that it must have something to do with what had happened a month prior, the attack of the bear. Perhaps it was a late infection that had caused him to be sick once more. Staying out at night wasn't gonna help him in that regard either. So he assumed it was just all that. He probably ran a fever, went out in his delusional state and caught something. That combined with the fact of his lumbering illness and him still being weak from that freak accident... It all really aligned perfectly. All except for one thing... Why had he stabilized right after the attack and why so rapidly? There should be no way that there were benefits to something like that... Right?

As his mind mulled everything over and over, again and again... He decided that he should put it in the back of his mind. Revisit it another time. Small talk was now the main focus. He was glad to see the other chuckle, at least he could do some good for his wrongdoing. The man noted something about a treading deal and Ve's eyes almost lit up in some sort of excitement. "May I help?" he asked carefully. He didn't know if he actually could or if the other was eager to allow him anything that had to do with being in charge. He had proven countless times that he wasn't fit for such role. Yet, he still tried to prove himself desperately. It would be his downfall someday.

But as the atmosphere shifted and he asked for her, his uncle only confirmed his doubts. The boy averted his eyes, staring up at the ceiling as he felt a desperate feeling fall upon him. A mixture of sadness, anger... Disappointment. He shouldn't be surprised about this. IN the end Rán was just like their father.... And he had lived through so many scenarios with the man that he knew what would come for him, eventually. "Of course she is," he mumbled weakly, clearly defeated by that mentality. "You know... I don't blame her..." he said as he looked at his uncle for a moment. How could he blame her for pushing aside something as useless as him? If he were in her shoes he would most likely do the same... Or maybe not. Perhaps he would have been different if he actually had something to him. If he were just like the rest of his siblings; true Tryggs.

He averted his eyes, a smile on his face as his gaze saddened. That one statement shattered his heart, even though it was unspoken and in his own mind. Those two words held more power than anything else.

There wasn’t much news to tell. Just a trading deal that was taking longer than he’d have liked. The other party just didn’t want to agree to any terms he set and he couldn’t agree to theirs since it would cost Sleetspire more than it would make them gain. “Yes,” he smiled, glad to see some light in the boy’s eyes.. “Though you need to get better first.” He couldn’t let Ve out of bed like this. He wasn’t even sure the other would make it more than a few steps. “But while you’re resting up I could talk you through what’s happening.” While Ve wouldn’t be there for the negotiations, it would already be helpful to have someone to talk to about this and who better than his own family.

His heart broke as Ve averted his gaze. Erek had no idea what to reply. This type of conflict between siblings was not something he had experience with or had advice for, he was navigating the unknown. “It’s not your fault you’re sick,” he said, focusing on the one aspect of Ve’s words that he could comment on. Of course Rán was angry with him, but what was there to blame on Ve? His body easily fell ill and there was nothing to be done about that.

❝ On the edge of death all I could think about was you ❞

Something in the back of his mind kept nagging at him. To just ask the other about what he had experienced a moment ago. It had felt somewhat familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was exactly. If he really thought what it was, then he shouldn't talk about it now. He was too vulnerable to even mention something like that. The man stared up at the ceiling for a moment as he tried to relax himself as much as possible, but his muscles ached and his breathing still hurt. Living truly wasn't made for him. How cruel to keep him here, with everything that had happened and was going on.... How very cruel.

But those were matters for another day and the fact that his uncle started to talk about some sort of deal, made him light up in excitement, something he hadn't felt in ages. But the shine in his eyes was enough. He was desperate for something, even the smallest of things. To give him purpose, a reason to keep going. He had always taken everything with both hands, every assignment and every task. And he had always tried his very best, but he had never succeeded. He always did things wrongly, which resulted in a huge mess for his family. But his uncle said yes and a big, dumb, childlike smile appeared on his face. Almost as if he couldn't believe himself. He was entrusted with something like this as if it was nothing. It really brought his spirits up. Oh what a little trust could do to a man.

His next words did ground him again. Words he had heard so many times from his father. You need to get better first. He had always said that to him whenever he had asked him for something. Get better first, stop being sick, you're useless while you can't even walk five steps without being out of breath. His hands slowly formed into fists as he tried to refrain from lashing out in defence. He had to lull his mind into a state that clarified the situation; this wasn't his father. It was his uncle... And the man didn't know what kind of things his parents had done to him. He didn't know these words cut deep. He didn't know... He really didn't know. And so Ve tried to remain happy, but the shimmer of excitement in his eyes faded. For he had heard it so many times, it had shattered so much of him before. Oh well... Erek went on however and Ve nodded slowly. "Sure," he said with a small smile. Some things were just bound to always happen, so it would seem.

When he eventually started to talk about Rán and said that he didn't blame her, his uncle said that he couldn't help being sick. Ve averted his eyes when those words were spoken, looking at the window at the side of his bed. Perhaps that was true.... But he knew better. Not everything was due to him getting easily ill. "I should be better," he said with a sigh, which burned his chest immensely. He groaned softly as the pain increased, a soft cough finally leaving his lips. He placed his hand over his mouth as he tried to catch his breath. It didn't take long before the coughing settled down and he could open his eyes again. The flaming pain in his lungs had only become worse. "Why can't I be like my brother," They were twins after all, so shouldn't they be the same? Why did the other get everything while he remained so small, so weak, so sick. It wasn't fair.

The light in his nephew's eyes went out once more when Erek told him he first needed to get better. Erek didn’t fully understand why. He could imagine the young man being sick of having to stay in bed because of an illness or injury, but he didn’t know why these particular words hurt him so much. Erek tried to bring back his nephew’s enthusiasm by saying he would talk Ve through what was happening while he rested. Though that did bring a small smile back on Ve’s face, Erek wasn’t fully reassured by it.

Erek wanted to react to Ve’s words, but closed his mouth again when the young man let out a painful groan, and watched his nephew until the coughing stopped and he opened his eyes again. The other’s words replaced the worry on Erek’s face with seriousness. “Because you are you. We need to try to be better versions of ourselves, but should always strive to be ourselves and not someone else.” It was a life lesson he needed Ve to understand. Wanting to be someone you weren’t only led you away from the path Raanan set out for you. His eyes turned softer when he spoke again, “You don’t need to be like your brother. Find what you excel in, be the best version you can be.”