Honeymoon fades

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The return to Lythrania had never been more dreaded by him. There was nowhere to run anymore. Not in the city where everybody knew his name and face. Even his changed hair wouldn't fool the people here. He was back in his all too familiar bubble under the sea, surrounded by the sharks.

While his relationship with Chaska was strained, they seemed to be back to tolerating each other. They didn't speak much, especially not about what had happened. Neither did they speak about the future. The presence was fine. He was surviving each day as it was, and that was just about enough for these days. He had filled his days with his job, because between his short stay in prison, being put off duty, his trip to Xaila, his weeks at sea, and the festival in Moonbright, he had lost considerable physique and it was easy to put his mind to something so simple as swinging a sword.

When he returned from another shift, he was surprised that he didn't find his wife at her usual spot at the castle. Usually, they would collect themselves for dinner soon, as he had gotten used to the routine again. Ezekiel hesitated for a few minutes to come look for her, as he spotted her usual servant and asked where she was. He was told she was under the weather and hadn't left their chambers today. Oh... A twinge in his stomach was the only notion of the worry he felt for her. It could be a harmless cold, or maybe more was wrong. The least he could do was check up on her. She would chase him out of their chambers if she didn't feel like it anyway.

The servant helped him prepare a tray with tea made from herbs that should boost her energy and a selection of her latest known cravings. He had promptly lost his appetite, scrunching up his nose as he looked at the strange selection of mostly pickled food.

The summoner opened the door with his elbow as he balanced the tray between his hands. He found his wife as he was told, curled up in bed. ‘‘It's me,’’ he announced his presence as he slowly walked across the room. It had become "theirs" more over the week, as Chaska's possessions started to pile up. He placed the tray on her bedside table as he sat on the edge of the bed. ‘‘I heard you were unwell,’’ he started to conversation carefully. ‘‘What's wrong?’’

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

Cursed be the deity which had decided upon the fact that women had to be the ones carrying children. The moment one of her symptoms would lessen, another was peeking right around the corner. If only she would have a husband willing to show his concerns towards her. To comfort her throughout the rougher days and nights, eager to know all about how wife and child were doing. When Lythrana had blessed her with a husband, she certainly seemed to have forgotten about the whole ‘caring’ aspect. Replacing those traits with lustful tendencies and acts of disloyalty.

Yet their strained relationship seemed to heal little by little, if she even dared calling it that. Yelling simply turned into silence, while silence occasionally turned into a word or two. Words no longer seeping of poison, yet ridden of any traces of affection.

Those occasional words of understanding wouldn’t be of help today, however. Plagued by waves of nausea and overall fatigue, the sorceress refused to leave the comfort of their bedsheets today, in apparent disapproval of her child, which had made its presence known by its frequent kicks and movement. Even when it hadn’t been the first time the sorceress was reminded of the life growing inside of her, she couldn’t quite grasp the concept yet, still having to get used to it in between waves of excitement and fright.

If anything, it kept her from catching up on some well deserved sleep right now, startled by the faintest feeling of activity every time she’d drift off to sleep. If that hadn’t been bothersome enough, she could hear someone entering through the door. Great, another servant eager to check up on her. For Lythrana’s sake, she was pregnant, not struck by the plague or some other horrendous disease. Ignoring the one slowly eating away at her eyesight that was.

Yet the voice didn’t sound as one of the castles staff members, causing her eyes to flutter open in disbelief. She didn’t face him yet, tucked within the bed as the sheets came up to her nose. She noticed the sound of the tray being put down, before feeling the mattress shift underneath her husband’s weight. ”Nothing’s wrong,” she stated calmly, her voice muffled from underneath the sheets before tucking them under her chin.

The smell of herbal tea soon filled the room, making her turn around to face both him and the tray atop the bedside table. Oh, how she craved a few sips of that tea right now. Hoisting herself up, she made she sat up straight before reaching out her arms towards the tray, her gaze soon averting itself to her husband. ”Would you mind?” she continued, her voice ridden of the usual hostility as she gestured towards the tray. ”I’m pregnant, not contagious.” Perhaps it was an attempt at lightening the tender atmosphere surrounding them whenever they’d be alone in a room together, though seeing how he kept his distance, she might’ve had to remind him.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The summoner did feel for her. If they had never gone to Xaila, everything would be different. The rift between them would have never been carved. They were happy in Xaila if only it had lasted for a few days. It was fun and exciting. And then one disruptor had turned his life upside down. He was still deciding if that had been for the better or worse. He had started to accept his life, maybe even be content with it. And then one man reminded him of all he was missing out on and how chained up his life had truly become.

With his heart and head not torn into two, he had no other choice than to live in these two worlds. If it wasn't for the child, he might have never returned to Lythrana. Chaska would get over it, he was sure. Now her father was at the helm of the ship, she would find a fitting husband in Caelum and life would go on. Everybody would have been happier for it. But no, he could not abandon the child. That was the only thing he could not do.

She answered him without looking. A tiny smirk formed on his lips as she didn't seem to have lost her spirit. He placed his hands on his knees and wondered if he should just leave. Because as she just said, she was fine.
However, there was still movement left between those sheets and as she turned her face towards him, he raised his eyebrows shortly to say hi of some sort. She didn't look that much worse for wear, only that she wasn't dolled up as usual around this time of day. She raised herself to a sitting position as she attempted to reach the tray.

‘‘Hm,’’ he replied to her request that he should help her. He scooched over a bit closer over the edge of the bed as he poured her a cup. A snort escaped his mouth as she so informatively called herself not contagious. A hundred jokes were shooting though his mind, but as he didn't want to insult her "condition", afraid that she might just explode again. The hint of a smile was left on his face as he handed her the cup carefully.

‘‘I just came to check up on you,’’ he spoke gently as he looked at her face when his hands felt back in his lap. ‘‘I'll leave you be if you need some more rest.’’ He brushed some of his bangs out of his face as he waited for her response. It was not like they talked much anyway. The tea was like a peace offering, but he understood if this was it and they kept acting like distant family.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

She didn’t quite know how to feel about this presence. Part of her was relieved to speak to him again, even if they were merely discussing formalities. Another part of her still resented him, yet anxious about when their conversation would turn into a screaming match once more. At this point she wasn’t sure what she wanted from him either, lingering on expectations he had long proven to be false.

Yet he decided to fulfill her request without complain by pouring her a cup of tea. The sorceress let her gaze rest on his face as he did, cursing herself for the fluttery feeling in her chest when he handed her the cup and their hands briefly touched. She didn’t avert her gaze as she took hold of it, noticing that stupid smile of his which he had managed to win her over with.

She didn’t hesitate to take a sip right away, burning her tongue on the hot water, thus giving herself a better reason for her flushed cheeks and leaving her with a short-lived, winced expression.

Peeking at him from underneath her eyelashes, she quietly blowed on her cup of tea as she listened to him speaking. ”Who sent you?” she asked curiously, wondering why he’d chosen to visit her so unexpectedly. “My father?” It was but a guess, but she could imagine him being worried about the state of his pregnant daughter; more so his soon to be grandchild.

Leave? The word almost left her crestfallen, but more so did the fact that she still seemed to feel that way about him. She didn’t want him to leave, yet questioning what she did want from him. ”Are you busy? she asked him quietly, hoping he’d get the hint without her having to throw her last ounce of pride overboard. ”You can stay, if duty you to.”

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

It wasn't duty that had taken him to this room. Maybe he felt lonely on such days after all, and the only person in this castle who might still take a liking to him, even if it was fake, was her. Or perhaps it was better to phrase that she could understand him somewhere. It was a selfish thought after all the hurt he had caused her. It was completely understandable that she would never care for him again.

And still, they would have to spend their lives connected until the next life would come and take him. The least he could do was make it somewhat endurable for the both of them. So he did was she asked without hesitating and would try to make the most of his scuffed wedding vows. He had spoken to them in a whole different state of mind. Life really did change fast.

His lips curled up slightly as she took a sip of her tea a bit too eager. ‘‘Careful,’’ he spoke softly. She had learned from her mistake, though. So he continued speaking to her about why he was there.

Ezekiel shook his head as she asked if her father might have sent him. Oh no, he avoided that man as much as he could. ‘‘No, I just overheared the servants speak,’’ he explained. After that, he stayed silent for a moment. It seemed that his visit came more of a surprise than he had thought in the first place. She really did not think highly of him. So he avoided eye contact from then on.

He did expect her to say thank you for the tea and that he could leave. But no, she asked if he was busy and that he was allowed to stay. He looked at the ground as he suppressed another smile. He had no idea what she was playing at. Maybe she was lonely too, after her sister left and her twin brother was probably caught up in his new duty and fiance. He shook his head again. ‘‘No, I'm done for today.’’ He glanced at her again, feeling the awkward energy rise. What should they even talk about if he kept hanging around? Maybe it was a start. ‘‘I'll stay.’’ He smiled at her again, only for a while. ‘‘Just for a while.’’

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

Careful, he said. As if he’d been anything close to careful with either her or her heart. The sorceress tried to push her resentment aside, being grounded by the burning sensation on her tongue. After countless of fights she simply lacked the energy to initiate another screaming match. Besides, she wouldn’t want to harm the child with her racing heartbeat and strained voice. The summoner wasn’t her sole responsibility anymore.

”I see,” she quietly replied, staring at the heat steaming from her cup. Did that mean he had been worried? Perhaps it was only the child’s health with mattered to him, though he hadn’t been quite enthusiastic about that announcement either.

He accepted her offer, telling her that his work was done for today. Hiding a reassured smile behind her cup of tea, she tried to take another sip as he continued. ”Just for a while?” she repeated, thinking of ways to kill the awkward silence approaching. ”Do you still have other matters to attend to?” Her voice sounded neutral, though she couldn’t help but be suspicious every time he’d be out of sight. Lythrana knows what – or who he was doing. Yet she would have to let go of those accusations if she ever wished for things to go back to the way they were before the Xailan festival, a task seemingly impossible.

Lythrana knew what she was after by hoping he’d stay. All she knew is that she wanted him here, for as long as he would behave himself, that. Perhaps she had gotten a little lonely around the castle. With everyone going back to their duties and her brother too occupied with his fiancé, there wasn’t anyone left to entertain her on seemingly endless days like these. Not a soul, but–

Before the summoner could answer her, the two of them were disturbed by the sound of what she assumed to be shattering plates across the hallway, followed by a lot of cussing. The sorceress shot her husband a confused look, before the culprit was kind enough to reveal itself, pushing itself through the door which had been left ajar. A small, golden puppy ravaged it’s way through her room, wagging its tail at the sight of the two sorcerers. ”I assume you’ve already met the newest member of our family,” she spoke apologetically, yet unable to repress a faint chuckle. She hadn’t even been sure if Ezekiel had known about her unusual gift from Rhydian.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

Ezekiel could sense her distrust. It was true that he had permanently broken her trust. In some ways, trust was like a piece of paper. Once it had been crumbled up, no matter how many times you would flatten it out, you would always see the marks left behind. And he was still breaking it, with all the secrets he kept from her.

The sorcerer looked back at her as she echoed his words back at him. It seemed that she almost didn't want him to leave. ‘‘I-I mean,’’ he started to stumble over his words. ‘‘If you are still feeling unwell. I don't want to be bothersome.’’ And it wasn't unusual for them to spend their days separately.

His attention was drawn back to the door as he heard loud noises coming from the hallway. He looked back at his wife and raised his shoulders in indifference. He was about to stand up and check what the racket was all about when a pleased-looking puppy came scuttling towards them. He rolled his eyes and looked back at his wife. Really?

He couldn't help but snort a small chuckle as she told him about the new family member. ‘‘I have seen it pass a few times.’’ He wasn't really the dog person. Or one for pets in any way. He did like to pet the cats in the street sometimes, but even those would usually ignore him and do whatever they wanted. He looked at the golden pup that looked up at them with expecting eyes. He bent down to scratch the animal behind its ears. ‘‘Quite the rascal,’’ he noted as he heard the sound of glass being swept together behind the door.

‘‘It needs some training,’’ he told her sheepishly as he sat back up, leaving the pup for what it was. ‘‘What did you think, practice your raising skills on a dog first?’’ he joked as he looked at the happy face of the pup, back to his wife. One thing was for sure: this would be her little project.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

The sorceress didn’t expect him to stumble over his words like that. Instead, she would’ve been less surprised at some snarky comment about her everlasting distrust towards him. ”No, I’m alright,” she insisted, taking yet another small sip from her cup. This quiet moment between the two of them turned out better than she would’ve guessed, yet she remained cautious. Perhaps, he had truly worried about her.

Never a dull moment within the castle, seeing how their slightly awkward conversation was brutally interrupted by some loud noises coming from the hallway. The two of them had shared a brief glance before the gleefully unaware puppy had made its way into the room.

Luckily he didn’t seem mad about this undiscussed addition to the family. On the contrary, he even let out a chuckle as she apologetically confessed. Apparently its presence had not gone unnoticed. She would’ve been more surprised if it had. ”Tell me about it,” she replied with a soft chuckle. When Rhydian had gifted her the pup, she had no idea what she’d gotten herself into. Luckily, the servants would be happy to lend her a hand in raising it, or so she liked to believe. She might’ve just ordered them to do so.

She couldn’t help but adore the way he tended to the pup, scratching it behind the ears before it ran its last few laps through the room and disappeared behind the door, which had now been swung open. Her gaze lingered on his hand which had fallen back into his lap as he spoke, chuckling at the comment she could’ve expected. ”It was a gift,” she simply stated. ”A rather unusual one, but I figured we could use some distraction around the house.” Things had become pretty dense after her father had taken on the role als governor. ”Some of the servants have been kind enough to lend a hand in raising it.” Similar to when they would as soon as their child was born.

Just as she was about to tell him her well thought-out name suggestions, she was surprised to find herself startled by the sudden movement of the child inside of her, close to spilling her cup of tea over the white, sheer fabric of her gown. Almost instinctively she reached for her husband’s hand, holding the cup in the other, and pressed his hand firmly against swollen belly. Patiently waiting for it to happen again. ”Did you feel that?” Her green eyes were big as she stared at him, holding both wonder and surprise. Perhaps she hadn’t been swift enough to show him, but another sign of life would show itself eventually. He’d just have to be patient.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

His wife assured him she was alright. So, it appeared that they were spending some time together. He wasn't used to this tension between them anymore. For the last few weeks, it had been the cold shoulder, or some explosion of emotions. It seemed that they had started from square one again, slowly starting to tolerate each other and accept how life was going to be. Again.

It had been the lively puppy to broke the ice between them again. He chuckled softly as he looked at the rascal. It had a short attention span because as soon as it was no longer tended to, it started to explore the room for a while, before that too was too small and it scuttled back to the hallway. Probably to cause more havoc on the way.

Chaska explained that it had been a gift, which made him furrow his brow for a moment. ‘‘From whom?’’ he asked. Why would someone give her a pet? The animal would need a lot of attention. He was not sure if she could do that while she was pregnant. Dear Lythrana, why didn't they give her a cat? Or even better: a fish.

‘‘We?’’ he responded. If this was some late wedding gift, he clearly wanted nothing to do with it. Luckily she said she did get some help. He only hoped it wasn't the same servants that just dropped some tableware, thanks to the critter.

He prepared a whole rant as to why that person must be dense as fuck. But before he could, the sorceress took him by surprise as she grabbed his hand. He couldn't hide the bewildered expression as she pressed his hand against her stomach.

When a tiny movement reached his palm, he flinched immediately as he tried to pull his hand back and his eyes turned huge. It was only because she held on so tight, that he stayed put. Before he knew he could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he looked back at Chaska with the same shock in his eyes. That was his child, alive and moving, growing every single day. Up until now, it seemed as such a conceptual thing, like it wasn't real until the day it would be born. But... it was already real. He gave her a tiny nod as she asked if he could feel that.

It was somehow the scariest thing he had ever felt. And he had been overcome by fear and powerlessness many times when he was summoning. But this, this was another kind of fear. The fear of disappointing his child, even before it was on this earth. ‘‘That's crazy,’’ he managed to whisper as he hoped it would not happen again. He cracked a nervous smile as he grazed his thumb across her belly. He shook his head in disbelief. That was his baby.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

She hadn’t quite expected his mild reaction to their new family member, seeing how accepting the gift had been a decision made solely by herself. Yet it didn’t seem to bother him as much as she thought it would’ve have, until he asked about the one who had gifted it to her.

”Rhydian,” she simply replied. Even though the two of them didn’t really hit it off on their previous meeting, she didn’t bother hiding the truth from him. If they wanted this marriage – political or not to work, someone had to set the example of being truthful.

The sorceress rolled her eyes at his reply. ”All of us,” she clarified, holding his gaze as to remind him of the recent events within the family, without actually having to ruin their rare moment of connection by bringing up the turbulence of their family drama.

Pressing his hand against the movement of their child was a move uncalculated. Even when she felt him flinch under her touch her grip remained steady. Both of them had been responsible for this situation, and it was about time he’d see how real it was about to become.

And it certainly looked as if he did, meeting his bewildered eyes as their gazes crossed. Holding his gaze, she awaited a comment of some sort. Something to let her know that he cared. Yet all he did was nod, followed by a whispered remark of disbelief. “Hm,” she hummed in agreement, averting her gaze to his hand pressed against her. “I was just as startled the first time it happened.” Luckily, one of the maids had been able to reassure her then.

The sorceress couldn’t help but to feel her cheeks flush as he gently moved his thumb across the sheer fabric of her nightgown, not sure about what else to say to him. She so badly wanted him to stay right now, not entirely sure what purpose it would serve. She just needed to say something, anything. ”I don’t know if I’m ready,” she quietly spoke, not entirely sure why those had to be the words which rolled over her lips.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

Gosh, he should have guessed such a gift should have come from the always-happy Aerendyl. He didn't dislike the man anymore, but he was afraid the two of them would never become friends. None of the people Chaska liked to hang around with seemed to be people he could get along with. And now he would have to deal with a pet too.

The summoner decided not to comment on it, but the silence did mean something after all. The next comment did make him sigh. It was funny how little he cared about her part of the family, who had taken over the castle. He was glad some of the limelight was of him, but... ‘‘Well, here's to hoping,’’ he responded sarcastically.

The real manifestation of the baby in her belly did distract him from everything that was going on in his life. He could not help but be somewhat afraid. He could not imagine how his wife must feel, having to live through this reality every single day. ‘‘I- I just can't believe how big it has become already,’’ he stated in his disbelief. How much time had passed? How much time was left?

Some new fathers would maybe feel proud. Or could not wait to meet their offspring. The ones that would pick up their staff after they would pass. He sometimes felt as if he was still a child, now forced to grow up with no time to lose. And he wasn't alone in this, as if Chaska had crawled into his mind and spoken his concerns out loud.

Ezekiel looked her in the eyes as she told him this and he nodded. ‘‘How could you be?’’ This was something that couldn't be taught, was it? How to bring a child into this world, to raise it. He only remembered the bad examples from his youth, those that stuck with him most. He turned his body more towards her and hovered his other hand hand above her thigh for a mere moment, before placing it next to her in the sheets. ‘‘I have an idea how you might think of me,’’ he started unsure, pressing his lips together for a second as he looked down at their clutched-together hands on her tummy. It was nothing but deserved after the mistakes he had made and the endless fighting. ‘‘But I will love this child.’’

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

To her surprise he’d let it slide, refraining from commenting on her friend and his unusual gift and choosing a sarcastic reply on her comment directed towards their family. Perhaps he was just as keen on stretching this truce for as long as possible, careful not to initiate anything which would be set them spiraling into their bad habits once more.

It was clear that they had other matters to keep their mind occupied, facing the reality of their child which would be born into this world soon enough. Comforted by the warmth of his hand against her belly she listened to his words, a faint smile playing around her lips as she silently agreed. ”At least they allow me to wear more comfortable dresses now,” she joked in an attempt to keep the atmosphere from shifting, though she did miss the elegantly decorated corsets at times. With how both her belly and breasts have swollen overtime, she was quite sure it would take a while for her to fit into them again.

She didn’t know why she felt the need to share these concerns with him. Maybe because deep down she knew that hè’d be the only one who would truly understand her, seeing how he was more or less in the same position, just without constantly being reminded of it and having to withstand the labor of carrying a child.

Yet his answer surprised her, confirming that he indeed understood her worries to a certain extend. She gave him a forced smile as she softly squeezed his hand. Just as she was about to reply, she noticed his free hand hesitantly hovering over her thigh for a moment, only for it to be dropped against the sheets, leaving her with a surge of disappointment.

His sudden comment surprised her, even more so did the words that followed. The sorceress bit the inside of her cheek, thinking of a strategically appropriate thing to reply. He had fucked yo tremendously, and she had not yet forgiven him for doing so. Lythrana knew if she ever would be able to. Yet she knew that they would have ti make amends somehow. This child deserved parents capable of raising it. Parents who wouldn’t be caught up in their endless cycle of screaming matches and despising one another.

”Will you, or do you?” she quietly replied, trying her best to refrain her voice from sounding hostile, yet unable to let some of her true emotions shine through. ”Because if you do, perhaps you could consider–“ she stopped herself as she noticed the tone of her voice, once again fueled by her lingering feelings. Taking a deep breath, she decided to try again. ”Perhaps you could spend some more time with the woman carrying your child.” She didn’t look for his gaze, yet tightened her grip on his hand as she stared down at her stomach. ”If not for me, be it for them.”

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The life he was living was far from what he had imagined when he was young. All those dreams of traveling the world didn't shine that bright anymore. Because he would never be alone, not when he had a family of his own to take care of. He was trapped in this life that he hadn't chosen for himself. And half of the people that had decided it for him, weren't even here anymore.

Ezekiel looked at her with a half smile and chuckled at the comment of her changed wardrobe. Well, maybe that was one way to see something good in a bad situation. He could say something cheesy that she looked pretty whatever she wore, but that kind of comment would make him cringe even thinking about it. ‘‘I bet you can make everybody do whatever you want now,’’ he told her. Nobody would deny a pregnant woman anything, would they?

Hope that somehow things would figure themselves out was the only thing he had left. That somehow they could forget about the past and present, that they would find a way that this arrangement would work for both of them. It was not that he felt nothing for his wife, it was just... complicated. He looked sullen as she squeezed his hand. Whatever friendship they had created, maybe some of the pillars were left. Some grains of understanding one another.

So when he voiced his thoughts, he almost expected her to be some kind of... relieved? He should not be surprised by her suspicious reply. He looked back up at her, his brows furrowed as she asked him if he already did. He never used big words like this, heavy with meaning. ‘‘Chaska-’’ he tried as he widened his eyes. She knew what he meant, right? Of course, he cared.

He noted her agitated tone and he bit on the inside of his lip. He studied her face as she asked if he could spend more time with her. He looked away as he pursed his lips once more, quickly giving her a small nod. ‘‘Yeah, of course,’’ he replied as he felt the urgency of her request. ‘‘I just expected you,’’ he thought about his words carefully. ‘‘You would dislike my presence.’’ He tried to catch her gaze again. ‘‘But I see now that was no excuse for my absence. I guess I was just-’’ Afraid? Lackluster? Trying to avoid reality? He supposed all of them were true.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

A chuckle rolled over her lips at his reply, wondering why it couldn’t have always been like this. Just the two of them, making small talk within the safety of their bedroom and cracking innocent jokes surrounding some heavy topic they both weren’t quite ready to face. Before things went down within Xaila she had almost believed such scenario to be possible. They had been so close back then, only for that dream to be swept right back under the rug. She often wondered if it had been worth it, that one night spent with that Zinyra.

”Of course,” she replied with a faint grin. ”Nobody would want to face the wrath of a pregnant lady.” While she was joking, she had to admit to have been a little snarky at times. Especially at the servants offering her more assistance than she deemed necessary.

With them, a dire change in atmosphere seemed almost inevitable. With every ounce of regret he showed her, he only seemed to add fuel to the fire of her unresolved anger towards him.

Instead of going against her wishes, however, he immediately seemed to honor her request, followed by a stumble over his words as he voiced his excuses. His gaze found hers once more, but this time she was only able to hold it for mere seconds before averting her eyes back to their hands once more, a sense of both guilt and frustration washing over her. Each time it would seem like he’d learned from his mistakes, that he was now ready to take on the responsibilities of their marriage, only to fuck it up again. How long would it take until he’d disappoint her again?

”I do not,” she simply stated, though she could see where he was coming from. For the past weeks she had indeed dreaded his presence whenever they had to spend time in the same room. Yet she had craved it whenever he’d remain absent, wishing things would go back to when they had just been wed.

Too busy fucking other people? the words lay at the tip of her tongue, yet she decided to swallow them. ”Busy, I know. Taking the final sip from her cup, she placed it atop the bedside table beside her, still not letting go of his hand. ”I just–“ Just as she was about to voice her distrust, another movement inside her belly interrupted her, almost as if it purposely distracted them from escalating their rare, peaceful conversation. Swiftly, she guided her husband’s hand to the right place, hoping he would’ve felt it too. ”See,” she quietly spoke, a faint smile lacing her lips. ”Your child seems to agree with me.”

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The summoner cracked another smile as she told him not to bet on the wrath of a pregnant woman. Oh no, he wouldn't dare. That was exactly why he was tiptoeing around her right now. He imagined that one wrong word would be enough for her to snap one of his fingers off.

It was so difficult to read her mind. He had no idea what she wanted from him. Well, he could guess a perfect husband, caring and well-mannered. Not caught up in scandals and would come to his defense with every minor inconvenience. So even though she said she did not dislike him that much to avoid him completely, they still couldn't look at each other for more than a few moments when things got tough. It was like they both lost the willpower to make it a screaming match once again.

So when she said nonchalantly that he was busy, he looked at her with a side-eye. He set his jaw for a moment, imagining where her mind should have gone. She was probably painting a picture of his infidelity, and his lackluster attitude to this marriage. And in some ways, she was right, more than she should ever know. However. ‘‘Come on, it's not like that-’’ he tried to interrupt her, just as she also started another sentence. They were both broken off by the movement underneath their hands, which weirded him out again.

‘‘Oh-’’ he responded quietly to the kick against the palm of his hand. Was this normal? Or was this kid somewhat feisty, taken after its parents already? He scoffed at her next words, not being able to hide a smile.Your child. It still sounded unreal. ‘‘Hm-m, choosing your side already?’’

Eventually, he managed to wriggle his hand free from hers, as he did feel the need to explain himself. At least, in some way. ‘‘Believe me I really want to do well for this child,’’ he spoke softly as he looked back at her for a second. ‘‘In Xaila, I met my mother. All this time I thought she was just some nobody, but apparently, she is a Rizal, and well... I just couldn't believe how she could just leave me here. So that's why- you see.’’ His awkward explanation maybe didn't make this better, but apart from Myr, nobody knew about this big stormcloud hanging above his head. And Chaska had the right to know. Maybe she would understand. Well, it was different. She had that loving family.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

Perhaps this child would serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of their marriage, seeing how it was eager to keep the peace between them already. Perhaps it had been Lythrana’s last resort, granting them something to mend the broken pieces of a marriage which had been doomed from the start. Or so she liked to believe.

Glancing over to her husband, she could sense the lingering discomfort as she pressed his hand against the movement of their child once more. It was clear that it made an impression, just as she had secretly hoped it would. Yet he granted her a smile, his words widening that of her own. ”Smart kid,” she joked in reply, softly caressing the back of his hand as she finally loosened her grip on him.

Still her heart sank as he pulled away, making her feel foolish for letting her guard down. Yet his voice seemed to be a lot more vulnerable as he spoke, showing him a side she hadn’t quite seen of him before. She looked at him is he spoke, both of her hands resting atop her belly. While she appreciated his attempt to open up to her, she couldn’t help but feel the knot within her stomach tighten as he spoke of Xaila.

”Oh,” she quietly replied, taken aback by the sudden confession, not entirely sure how or what to say in response. Her initial reaction was to voice her frustration, asking him if he found out before or after he decided that leaving her alone and being unfaithful was a good idea. Yet she realized that if she were to twist that knife right now, he wouldn’t ever open up to her again. So she swallowed that pill, though her troubled gaze betrayed her frustration and hurt.

”Well, I assume that explains the silver hair,” she noticed aloud, looking at his now darkened locks. ”But we’re not our parents. And even though we’re tied to certain laws and duties, we’re somewhat able to choose our own destiny, I suppose.” She sought out his gaze once more, her hand twitching as if she was about to move it his way, but hesitated to do so.

Remaining quiet for a while, not sure how else to comfort him in a way which aligned with her still present feelings of frustration, she dared asking him a trickier question. ”Did she tell you why?” She fidgeted the fabric of her nightgown in between her fingers. ”Why she left you behind, I mean.”

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

It was kind of pathetic that this unborn child was the only reason he was still here. Otherwise, he had followed Myrddin's lead and run away in the sunset with the last of his coin and his sinful lover. But he could not follow in his mother's footsteps and leave the child. It was like a heavy chain on his leg. It was only in his hands how bad this could go.

So he laughed as she called the baby smart. He had a suspicion that this could would prefer their mother anyway. Wouldn't she be a natural at it? The thought alone of holding a fragile newborn, even if it was his own child, seemed daunting.

Apart from her initial reaction, it stayed quiet for a while. And as he dared to glance over to her, he didn't see the empathy he hoped. Maybe it was silly to act like a victim, but it was the only thing he could come up with to make her understand. At least some part. That, even if he wasn't faithful to this marriage, he would be to the child. But it wasn't the right angle, he saw that immediately. He should have known that she would not get it.

Ezekiel scoffed as she noted the silver hair. ‘‘Yeah, it all makes sense now,’’ he said when he rolled his eyes. He was stupid to not have seen that huge hint before. He thought part of him just didn't want to believe that that might have been a possibility. He shrugged as she told him they were not their parents. Easy for her to say. ‘‘I suppose,’’ he echoed her words. He should have never brought it up. He regretted it instantly.

The summoner looked back up at her as she asked him another question. He pursed his lips and nodded. ‘‘Yeah. She said she had no other choice. That they'd made her.’’ He gave another shrug. ‘‘Ah, forget I ever mentioned it. As you said, I am not my parents. It's in the past anyway.’’ Can't fix that was already broken.

He looked back up to his wife and now boldly placed his hand on her thigh under the sheets, straightening his shoulders as he did, trying to hide the bit of vulnerability he had shown. ‘‘You are all the family I have left now. You should be my only concern.’’

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

It soon became obvious that she hadn’t granted him the words he was hoping to hear, Lythrana knew what those were. Yet judging from his attitude and replies, her answer hadn’t fit that criteria. It was as if every heavy topic or conversation between them would rid them of any communicative talents they possessed, leaving them with bland replies and empty words, taking one step forward and two steps back with each sentence spoken.

Still he answered her intrusive question, and she listened, curious as to why a mother would make such drastic decision. Moons ago she didn’t even want this child, yet she couldn’t grasp the thought of leaving it behind in Lythrania to go Lythrana knew where. No matter how she had despised this political arrangement and how much of a dick its father could be, this child deserved to grow up its mother’s presence the same as any child did.

He was quick to shrug off the subject as it was nothing, however, leaving her with a sense of guilt he didn’t quite deserve. Just as she was about to reply, she froze at his sudden touch, the warmth of his hand against her thigh flushing her cheeks as she purposely avoided his gaze, the following words only deepening stain of crimson on her face.

”Don’t say that,” she quietly replied, finding the courage to look him in his eyes once more. ”Thank you for telling me.” Her hands continued fidgeting with the fabric of her nightgown as she spoke, rid of her usual silver tongue.

Removing her hand from atop her belly, she hesitantly patted the empty spot beside her. ”Lay with me, then,” she then offered him, still not sure about letting her guard down only to be disappointed once more. ”Just for a while.”

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The summoner realized quickly that there was a reason why he kept his guard up all the time. Not that he had any reason to distrust his wife. Even when he had admitted to his night with Rhysand, it seemed she had kept that secret to herself. Perhaps she was just embarrassed about it. Imagine saying that your husband fooled around with another man. Ezekiel wanted to bury his head in his hands for that thought alone.

So he did what he could best, and that was to distract her with something else. Speak the words she wanted to hear, grant her a touch even if there was a chance she would swat his hand away. They always found common ground in intimacy, even if they hadn't touched each other since Xaila. This was the closest they had gotten, ever after that rueful night where she admitted a hint of feelings.

The dark-haired sorcerer had thought those feelings had fluttered away, but as he saw her flushed cheeks, he discovered some of them might still linger. He almost pitied his wife. But he thanked her silently for her foolish loyalty. He should work harder to keep her satisfied, all while he would figure out his troubles by himself.

A weak smile adorned his lips for a moment as he nodded. ‘‘No, I mean it. I should not burden you with my struggles while you have so many of your own.’’ His gaze lingered towards her hands atop her belly, gently squeezing his hand on her thigh.

He didn't expect her to ask him to lay with him, as he furrowed his brows again at the offer. ‘‘Oh, okay,’’ he replied as he softened his eyes. He bent over to untie his shoes, before climbing over her legs to take place in the spot next to her. An awkward moment followed as he settled in his position, not knowing what to do with his hands, as he eventually decided to wrap one arm around her shoulder.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

Briefly shaking her head, she disagreed with his statement. If that’s what keeps you out of another’s arms. Again she swallowed her thoughts. For now, her feelings of resentment were better left unspoken.

The words had barely left her lips when she cursed herself from being so foolish. How many times would she practically beg this man for the bare minimum? How many times would she let him walk all over her, use her, impregnate her with his children, all of it while his heart seemed to belong with another. A man, nonetheless. How many of those things could be written off as simply adhering to her duties, before being considered straight up desperate.

And yet she felt her heartbeat fasten as he climbed over her, visibly taken aback by her offer. Time and time again, when he would show a glimpse of worry or care towards her, she would swing the door to her heart right open, only for him to carelessly ravage through it once more, leaving more of a mess each time that cycle repeated.

To her surprise, one of his arms wrapped itself around her shoulders, inviting her to lean in closer to him. So she did, hesitating for a brief moment before resting her head against his shoulder. Her long, white streaked hair draping across both of their bodies.

”What was she like?” she carefully spoke after a moment of silence. “Your mother, I mean.” He had trusted her enough to open up to her for once, so in an attempt to not just sweep that tiny achievement under the rug, she decided to give him one more opening to get it off his chest. ”Was she anything like you imagined?” Perhaps her questions were risky, but the tone of her voice made it clear that she meant well.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

Ezekiel Vylasar wrote:
going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me
The affection he held for this woman was something that at first was just to blame on lust. They were perfectly matched in that regard, as they saw many corners of this chamber. It always made them bury the hatched for a while. But he was afraid that he stained that trump card now.

So when she invited him to his bed, he couldn't help but think that she might want something else. He doubted it. They needed a new method to solve the neverending strive between them. Perhaps a more mature one, that didn't end with fogged-up windows.

His wife leaning against him felt somewhat alien. It took him a while to relax, especially when she immediately started to ask about his mom again. He really opened a can of worms he might have left closed. ‘‘Uhh,’’ he started hesitantly. What did he imagine his mom like? Some pretty whore, that managed to catch his father's eye? A lovely lady with silver hair and two-toned eyes? He bit the inside of his lip as he pondered it over. ‘‘Not really. I think I imagined someone like my aunt. But she was just a stranger.’’ He turned his head slightly to watch at Chaska's side profile. ‘‘It was no magic revelation. I think it was better when it was just imagination.’’

He inhaled deeply. This kind of talk was somewhat depressing and he had no idea if venting about it, right here, right now, about how shitty he felt about his mom while his wife was about to be one. ‘‘She was just a bad example of how to not be a parent, I suppose,’’ he murmured. He blinked slowly as he looked to the opposite wall of the room. ‘‘I don't think I'm ready as well.’’
NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

This was the type of situation she’d been craving, an innocent and mundane moment of connection with the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with, bearing and raising his children for as long as Lythrana allowed her to. Yet a feeling of uneasiness lingered as the rested her head against his shoulder, not entirely able to surrender herself to this rare moment of peace and intimacy.

Perhaps that was why she decided to shift their topic of conversation back to his mother. A topic in which she simply had to listen, not having to reminisce about the struggles of her own. ”Hm,” she responded quietly, staring absently at the other side of the room. ”I’m sorry to hear that.” Trying her best to show her well meant empathy towards him, she couldn’t help but to feel bitter at every thought of matter surrounding their time within Xaila, that trip being something she had yet to heal from.

The summoner continued, his words making her look at him from the corner of her eye, catching but a glimpse of his troubled expression as he stared into the the distance. She didn’t know why she felt bad for him when he had screwed her over so badly. Yet his words touched her in a way he didn’t quite deserve. ”You’re not her,” the sorceress replied as she moved her hand to rest upon his thigh in at attempt to reassure him. ”You’re not like them.” If anything, he fitted perfectly into the stubborn Vylasar archetype. ”We get to do this the right way, if we’re willing to put in the work.” She liked to think that the choice was his, blocking out her own insecurities about motherhood for as long as she’d be able to.

Turning her head to face him, her eyes wandered over his once silver hair. ”The hair suits you.” He didn’t need to know her preference for the silver locks she’d fallen for, if detaching himself from his newfound heritage would lighten the burden.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

The physical way of being husband and wife was easy. They explored that all, and they reaped what they sowed. With a child on the way, it all seemed so locked in place. Everything was going exactly as it was planned. Almost as if they followed a schedule. Go to a few parties together, show face, get married, reproduce... and then? This part of being wed was the most difficult part when they had to act human.

Or rather, not act anymore. Just be. Be together. And as he thought she wanted that every moment had to mean something, otherwise it wasn't genuine or real, he started to blather out loud. Why this was so daunting to him, because, in all honesty, he was just scared.

His wife, however, still sounded distant. Every effort she had made in the early days of their marriage had now vanished. With good reason. She just seemed a lot better in just "be", where he could not. Not with her.

And still, she managed to muster the human decency to be nice to him. It was just then that he realized he did not earn that decency. If their positions were switched, he would probably never talk to her again. He would hold his grudges forever, no matter who would suffer from it. But she was willing to put that aside for their child. That must be the only reason. She was just as scared of raising it by herself.

The summoner took a deep breath as he nodded. ‘‘Okay.’’ He had no idea what that work entailed. A baby didn't do much anyway, did it? When would it create a mind of its own? When were they of an age to seriously start to fuck it up? The more he thought, the less he knew about children. ‘‘I'll guess we have to figure out how to along the way,’’ he murmured his thoughts out loud.

When she suddenly changed the subject to his hair, he looked at the hand she had laid on his thigh during her words. He let out a gentle chuckle and ran a hand through the jet-black locks. Another rash decision he had made, but he was glad he had done it. ‘‘Well after Myr did it, I figured I could pick my family.’’ That had been Myr at the time. They never really looked alike that much, but for a moment he felt they could pass as such. He looked back over to Chaska, whose two-toned hair was nothing like his. It even seemed a bit whiter than when they first reunited. His eyes darted over her hair as he cracked another gentle smile. ‘‘What if the baby has silver hair? Then I have to change back I suppose,’’ he tried to joke.

NC

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

What exactly was she trying to achieve with these unsolicited advices dripping from her tongue, like she knew exactly how to fix the mess that was their marriage? A few kind words and a sense of understanding wouldn’t magically turn him into the type of husband or father she so badly wished for him to be, and yet she kept trying, Lythrana knew why.

The sorceress quietly nodded in agreement, wondering if he truly meant all that he’d said before. That he’d love this child, be there for it. Maybe he could start by pretending to love the one who’d carry his children.

And yet she continued to rest her head against his shoulder, absently staring at the opposite side of their bedroom as he explained the reasoning behind his darkened hair. A faint smile played around her lips. ”Good,” the sorceress replied. ”You’re a Vylasar after all.” She still didn’t quite understand the complicated relationship between those two. One moment they’d seem attached to the hip, though she hadn’t forgotten about that incident. Perhaps this side of the family was a little more complicated compared to the one she’d grown up with in Moonbright.

Lost in her own thoughts, it took her a while to notice how he was glancing over at her, coloring her cheeks a rosy shade of pink at the sight of his stupid smile. ”I suppose so,” she replied with a faint chuckle of her own. If only she’d be able to just ‘change’ her hair back to its original black color, but having someone alter her hair with some kind of illusion spell would only rid her of being able to see how fast her illness progressed.

Of course she was plagued by the thought of their child inheriting her illness, yet trying to push her fears to the back of her mind. Her family had shown no signs of it before. She had been the only one thus far, and if Lythrana would be kind enough to show them mercy, it would stay that way.

Turning her face to look her husband in the eyes, she quietly inspected his face for a moment. ”Maybe the child will inherited your eyes,” she spoke as her gaze slid from one eye to the other. ”I’ve never seen anything quite like them.” They surely were beautiful, if his face hadn’t been stupidly handsome enough already. Yet it made him stand out from the rest of their kin even more.

Outfitje x

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

going insane to stay saneRaise your hands for the past me

It was a family duty that made Chaska force kind words over her lips. Ezekiel was certain of it. Why else would she even try? The child was a good reason, but families had been broken for less. Or perhaps every arranged marriage had its hooks and crannies, skeletons in their closets that no couple ever spoke about. He wouldn't know. His parents were gone and his aunt never remarried.

The raven-haired sorcerer wasn't even sure why he was trying to nice her up. She must be furious with him still, after all the unforgivable things he had done. And she only knew half of it. He was sure he wasn't in love with her. He did like her, in some ways. He could have done much worse. She was pretty, he liked her sharp tongue and sometimes even the ways they fought. The thing was, they found common ground in their situation. But he never felt like she could truly understand him, unlike someone else.

And even so, he was trying to explain how he felt. How he wanted to share the responsibility of this child and would love it as such. A Vylasar, after all, like him. He pulled up the corners of his mouth in a half smile. ‘‘Ever doubted it?’’ he said with raised eyebrows.

Absentmindedly, he ran another hand through his hair. He didn't really miss his natural color yet. Maybe it was a bit of an impulsive decision, but at the end of the day, it looked more... common. And he stood out enough as was. When Chaska commented on his unnatural eyes as well, he caught her gaze as she stared at him. He even thought about changing them as well. Look for a decent moon elf in Moonbright and use magic to alter it. But he had felt uncomfortable by that, thinking that would be the final straw to not recognize himself in the mirror anymore. It was something, as Chaska said, unique to him. And his twin.

‘‘Would you like that?’’ he asked, his voice softened now as it suddenly felt quite intimate, discussing the possibilities of what the child would look like. He could imagine she wanted the child to take after herself. That seeing one of him was more than enough. His eyes darted over her face, expecting it to turn sour any moment now. It was rare that they talked about real things for such an amount of time without one of them turning defensive, or angry. Their tempers were one of the fragile kind.

NC