[M] Bad twilight

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

The way the shadows were getting longer was the only real proof Ezekiel had that time was actually passing. The past few days had been uncomfortable to say the least. Not only had he act like he hadn't been punished by his aunt by putting him in prison and then act like nothing had happened. He also had to stomach every single look Chaska gave him, not knowing what he could expect. He was waiting for sweet relief, but he hadn't felt at ease since she had laid on his chest that night, moments before they broke down every little piece that they had been building with.

He could endure one mandatory diner with basically shrinking away to the background. It helped that everybody had no idea what to do with his presence after his short sabbatical. He could hide behind the awkwardness of it all. But the second night had gotten harder, and the day after that even harder. Especially when there was even the slightest mention of his engagement and he had to pretend to look happy and grateful, or whatever. He could barely look Chaska in the eyes as it was. With everything she had told him, what had happened. He had been optimistic maybe that they could continue... somewhat normal? But nothing ever was ordinary between them. So perhaps it was normal after all.

When another terrible dinner had finished where he had barely spoken a word, his eyes were drawn toward his betrothed sitting next to him. And when it was time to rise from their seats, he took a split second decision. He laid his hand over her lower arm while he looked over the table, waiting for the others to make there leave. He glanced over to her and did an effort to hide any form of emotion to hint their family towards what was happening between them. He just leaned in a bit closer to her. ‘‘Let's talk,’’ he whispered, before rising from his seat at last and offering her a hand.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

It had almost become a habit for her mind to be occupied with thoughts about the silver haired sorcerer. Thoughts altering between despising him for being so selfish and yearning for that feeling of his fingertips gently trailing against her skin. They’d barely exchanged words ever since that night, except when they had been forced to during family related occasions like dinner. Her words came paired with fake smiles and a cheap act, playfully fidgeting the pearls of her necklace in between her fingers as she chuckled at another remark about their engagement. She’d given him glances in between, and he’d know about the feelings hidden beneath that mask. Feelings she couldn’t quite manage to figure out on her own yet.

Days passed by, repeating the same play, dreading the next dinner as she returned to that guest room which she’d tried to hard to leave behind her. And yet he wouldn’t allow her to. No matter how many times she’d mention it, or tried convincing him with the taste of her lips or the touch of her skin against his. Even when she had tried to scare him with the consequences of their actions he hadn’t given in. That night she truly believed to have made some sort of connection, to have touched him in other ways than just physically. Perhaps in the same way he managed to unleash some feelings yet unknown to her. Feelings which made her want to sort this out, talk to him, even when he didn’t deserve it. Even when he was the one in the wrong.

Luckily even the most unsettling of dinners eventually ended. The sorceress couldn’t wait to get up and take her leave, leaving that awkward atmosphere behind her as fast as she could. Or so she assumed, before her heart skipped a beat at the sudden touch of her betrothed’s hand against her arm, almost ordering her to stay put. Her gaze was quick to be shot his way, looking him in the eye with puzzled expression as her attention shifted back towards their family members leaving the dining room. It wasn’t until the last one left that she sought out his gaze again, surprised by the words he whispered as he leaned in closer. Perhaps it had been the most attention he’d given her in the span of days.

The sorceress hesitated at his gesture, her gaze shifting between his face the hand he offered her. Talk? What could he possibly want to talk about? Had he finally made up his mind about marrying her, or did he simply need her to take his frustration out upon once more? If so, he would be in for a disappointment. She wouldn’t allow him to lay a hand on her body before he’d given her the certainty she so desperately craved; The certainty of being his wife.

”Sure,” she quietly replied as she finally decided upon taking his hand, though the tone of her voice was quick to betray her confusion. The sorceress took hold of his hand, hesitantly folding her fingers around him as she got up from her seat, the bottom of dress draping across the floor. “Lead the way.”

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

Funny thing was that he could not quite determine if Chaska was a good actress, or that she was just naturally a pleasant person. He knew nothing but the extremes, that lingered between uncomfortable silences, angry outbursts and passion that did not need the passing of words. Every time he looked over to her when she laughed or smiled, he did seem to be able to detect a certain unauthenticity to the way her lips curled upwards. They had shared a few real smiles, spurred on by the wine they had shared. But even the wine he was absentmindedly twirling in his glass could not take the edge of today.

His mind was spinning endlessly. Thinking about the way their lives would change - had to change - quickly. Chaska did have a point right about now. Everything was not going as planned anyways. She would not return home in the meantime. Was that another plot of her parents to marry her of quickly? He wondered why, the reason of the sudden urgency of this match. His mind even went as far that he was the big fool in the whole tragedy. That her parents and his aunt had made some deal. Or that they might be fooling each other. Something was wrong with him, so why did not something be wrong with her. Pair up both the black sheep and the problems were out the door. But he could not change anything about that anymore. He should probably accept that he was just being played anyway, and focus on the problem right in front of his face. The one that could ruin his life indefinitely, instead of only slightly forever.

Ezekiel could not stand the not-knowing anymore. He should just rip the bandaid of, be sure of the situation and act accordingly. So before she could leave, he asked her - wel, he did not have a question mark at the end of his request, to just.. talk. Oh, and he hated to "just" talk, but the necessity outweighed the discomfort. He was already rather surprised that she did not break earlier than he did. After all her attempts to bury the hatchet.

The sorcerer wasn't able to look at her for longer than a few seconds at the time. Because he could never look the same way to her, before his mind was filled with the fresh memories of their bodies melting together. So as she agreed, he regretted it immediately, especially when he could spot her confusion. Was she angry with him already? And as their hands touched once again, it was like electricity jumped over to his body. But he established a firm grip as he did not want to betray his feelings, that were all over the place. He nodded slightly as she told him to lead the way. So he slowly followed the rest of the family out of the dining room, and turned the other way they were going. Probably the living wing of the castle, where their chambers resided. The way they were walking was totally different, with much more liveliness as it was the place where servants seemed to be working around the clock.

He avoided some servants as he took random turns as he heard the slightest hint of a voice in the distance. And eventually they found their way to a small storage room, with barely having light streaming in. It was not quite posh, but what they were about to speak about should not reach anybody's ears. And he was done waiting, done looking for a better spot. She could complain later. ‘‘And?’’ he asked, as soon as he closed the door after her as she slipped in the room. ‘‘Do you know more?’’

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

She would’ve been lying if she didn’t admit the fact that pretending had been easier than.. whatever this was. Last time she had been able to hide behind her anger, reminding herself of the way he’d used her and blaming herself for falling for it. This time, however, she couldn’t justify her actions with such excuses anymore. Their last night spent together had been nothing like their first. Beside harsh words and rough touches, they had caressed each others bodies in a way only newlyweds would. Those who had chosen to wed one another, instead of being promised to the first person who’d fit the criteria.

Perhaps it were those moments which lingered in her mind, softening the glances she’d occasionally shoot him and maybe adding but a glimpse of truth to her act of excitement about their engagement. That didn’t change the way she felt about his hesitation on making her his wife, though. Beside annoying her, his strange behavior mainly confused her. That night she had almost been sure he wouldn’t have wanted her to leave as well. To have ended their night by falling asleep tangled up in each others arms, limbs intertwined as they drifted away. If only he’d make work of that stupid wedding. Simply got it over with. Instead, he only seemed to be interested in the perks. But she wouldn’t fall for it, for real this time, not until the High Priestess herself had blessed their marriage and her future had been secured.

And yet his surprising offer managed to spark a bit of hope. Hopes of him finally coming to his senses, promising her to make her his wife within the span of weeks. Which was most likely the reason forcing her into accepting his offer so swiftly, silently following him through the hallways as she subconsciously squeezed his hand, her mind flooded with questions. She barely took note of where he was taking her. Not until she was led inside a small, storage-like room and the door was quick to be shut behind her.

“As charming as always,” she complained from under her breath, referring about the room he’d picked as she finally let go of his hand. Of course if had to be a storage room. They lived within a castle and he couldn’t pick something other than.. whatever this was supposed to be. She was barely given time to complain, as he was quick to to reveal the reason behind his offer. Her furrowed brow vanished for a second, looking him in the eye for as far as the dim lit room allowed her to. She knew exactly what he was referring to. Something that had made itself clear to her not long after their previous night together, leaving her reassured about one thing at least. Yet she hadn’t gone out of her way to tell him yet. Perhaps silently praying that the thought would linger, and he’d finally take his responsibility, even it came from a place of anxiety.

The sorceress bit the inside of her cheek. Even though her concern had been genuine at the time, guilt managed to creep up on her as soon as she’d left his chambers. As much as she wanted to and as much as he deserved it, she couldn’t lie to him. She couldn’t ‘fake’ carrying his child as a solution to get her way. In the end, it would only take her further from that future she so deeply desired. ”Yes,” she admitted, though there was a hint of defeat in her voice she couldn’t quite mask. ”There’s nothing to worry about.” For him, at least. Unlike him, she’d still have enough on her plate to keep her awake at night.

The sorceress leaned back against one of the walls which hadn’t been cluttered with shelves and cabinets. ”Is that all?” She crossed her arms. As much as she tried to avoid starting an argument, she couldn’t quite contain the hint of annoyance in her voice. Though perhaps, it had been her disappointment rather than her being genuinely annoyed. Maybe it was her fault, viewing him through a pair of rose colored glasses during their previous truce within the sheets. Maybe he truly was nothing more than a selfish man, and that soft side which he’d showed her nothing more than an act to get what he wanted from her.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

Even something simple as walking down a hallway with her felt uncanny. Because he felt like everybody was watching them, as if they knew what had happened between them. He hadn't felt like that before, but after she had scared him with the big "what if", he couldn't help but worry about what would happen if it was true. And then what? He should try to force a quick wedding without looking suspicious, and well, that would be very out of character for him.

In some ways he would feel like it would be easier. They wouldn't have to worry about these kind of scares. They would just relish in every moment they would have together in the night, settle arguments between the sheets, fall asleep together and repeat the fights in the morning. It was almost a comforting sight of the future. They would do everything a husband and a wife probably should not do. He was already feeling that he could not be around her, but also not being with her made him on edge. They were like the push and pull of two magnets with the same pole. Always draw to each other, but never close enough forever.

So when they were alone in the dim lit room, he could not imagine what people would think if they were found like this here. Because he was already thinking it too, to just pull her closer to him. But he could not, because he felt nauseous only asking her what worried him so much. So when she made a clever remark about the place he had chosen, he rolled his eyes. ‘‘Shut up,’’ he grumbled underneath his breath. It was the best, quickest private place he could figure out. Where nobody would just walk in unprompted. And he wasn't planning on spending the rest of their evening here. He needed to know only one thing: that was it.

Ezekiel leaned back against the door when he ask the question, hands behind his back, clasped together, to hide his fiddling and nerves. Even if he couldn't distinguish the fine details of her facial features in this light, he only needed a yes or a no. He could see the glimmer of her eyes as their gazes found each other, his eyes just a bit bigger than usual, his lips stiffly pressed together. But when she answered, the tone sounded ominous. He was ready to buckle through his knees, bury his head in his hands once again and make plans to get rid of it, any wat possible. But she came with the good news that it was fine, ans he released a breath he didn't know he was holding, as he folded over his waist, placing his hand on his thighs and leaning over as if he had just sprinted a mile. The relief that washed over him was as euphoric as winning a tournament, or ending a night out of breath and sweaty.

‘‘That's.. just great,’’ he huffed with a small chuckle, before standing back up straight, throwing his head back slightly to shake the hair away from his eyes. It solved a big, big problem that was looming over them for the past few days. Something that had thrown a dark shadow over a joyous night. Maybe now he could appreciate the finer things between the quarrels and looming dread. But when he looked back at Chaska, she did not look quite as happy as he had expected. She just looked - more of the same, looking back at him, arms crossed and annoyed. Ezekiel furrowed his brows and looked back at her when she asked if that was all. ‘‘.. yea,’’ he murmured. But also, no. He so desperately wasn't planning to fight, but she was just, asking for it.

The man glared her down, clenching his jaws together. Why wasn't she as relieved. Did she already now for days, and was she just waiting for him to come to her? Did she enjoy torturing him like that. His bit the inside of his lower lip, before pushing his hair back. ‘‘What's your problem?’’ he asked, calmly, for now, but just like her, he could not hide being annoyed. He exhaled sharply from his nose. It was like everything he said or did was the wrong choice in her mind. The only thing they could seem to agree on was what they did in the bedroom.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

The sorceress didn’t pay much attention to her surroundings as her betrothed led her through the many hallways, some of which still unfamiliar to her even after her extended stay within the castle. She tried her best not to trip over her dress as she kept up with his pace, holding on tightly to his hand, catching herself lost in thought about what he could possibly want to talk about.

And once again she was reminded of why she didn’t like getting her hopes up. That feeling of disappointment creeping up on her when reality wouldn’t match that little fantasy she made up inside her head. She couldn’t be mad at him, though. She, too, had been relieved when what they feared didn’t turn out to be true. That night, which could’ve ended in bliss, she decided to leave him with those worries instead. Maybe even hoping to plant a seed, to make him understand the gravity of the situation and hopefully motivating him to act on it. A desperate attempt, she had to admit.

So when she finally relieved him from his fear, she couldn’t match his energy. She simply stared at him as he lowered himself, her heart fluttering at the little chuckle. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been relieved when she found out. Perhaps other matters simply held too much space within her mind for her to be genuinely happy about it. She simply nodded at his reply, forcing a faint smile on her lips as she met his gaze again.

Apparently that had been all, his reply crushing all hopes she had left of him maybe mentioning even the slightest confirmation about considering to wed her. ”Alright,” she simply replied, moving away from the wall she was leaning against in an attempt to leave his cramped room. Without thinking she placed her hand against his shoulder in order to make him move away from the door so she could leave both this place and conversation behind her, going back to whatever laid within that limbo between pretending and reality.

His next words however, made her halt mid-motion, that stupid, strange feeling returning as her hand laid against his shoulder. Hadn’t the tone of his voice remained to be calm, she wouldn’t have hesitated to lash out. Making sure he knew exactly what the problem was. But she refrained herself from doing so. Perhaps he simply wanted her to lash out, knowing how they’d settle the argument and continue their little game of pretend like nothing happened. ”Nothing,” the sorceress replied, matching his tone of voice. ”I’m as relieved as you are.”

And yet she couldn’t help but continue, the words rolling over her lips as if they’d desperately waited to be released. ”It’s just.. everything about this—“ her hand removed itself from his shoulder, swiftly gesturing between the two of them before she crossed her arms once more, hiding behind a defensive posture. “It’s confusing.” For once her gaze wasn’t fixed on his. Instead she looked down at the floor beneath them, though with the dim lighting within the room, she couldn’t even make out its details.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

His betrothed was staying pretty calm for the situation. Ezekiel felt like he could scream, like he could run for miles at this moment. He felt like celebrating, to bask in this feeling of relief for the whole night. But that glowing expression only lasted that long, as he saw something he could not describe on Chaska's face. It was almost like she didn't feel anything at all. Like she was hesitant, waiting for him to do something, say something. But he could not discover what she was fishing for. Like she had said the last time they parted, she barely knew him. And it was the other way around. They were far from sharing a look and knowing exactly what the other was thinking. She was his biggest mystery. He was still deciding if he wanted to solve it, or let her be just that: a mystery.

For now he was content for letting her be. The problem was solved. And even if they probably had a million things to talk about, he did not know where to start. They could not carry a casual conversation, and something that carried weight, soon escalated in a fight. that escalated in something else. They ended up in the sheets, or engaged. And in some way he knew what she wanted; this between them to be over. To just tie the knot and be pronounced husband and wife. But wouldn't it be worse if they had to return to the same room every night and couldn't speak as well? Left or right, they had lost anyway.

So when their secret confession had passed, he was satisfied. He had no idea what he would do. Maybe go out, breath in some night air. But the way she looked still irked him. Instead of feeling happy, she made him nervous again. She moved closer, placing her hand on his shoulder, where again he could swear he felt a shock. But instead of stepping aside, he decided to confront her last second. He looked down at her face, unintentionally she had made it possible to study it closer. He did feel agitated. Because he thought in this small thing they could share the same feeling: relieved glee. But as she told him there was nothing, that she was just as glad the problem had went away by itself, he could not believe her. Maybe she was relieved, but there was something she wasn't telling him. He didn't needed to know what, but somehow he wanted to know.

She continued by herself, somehow realizing the proximity they were standing in and moving away from him. He leaned back as well, shoving his hands in his pockets. He furrowed his brows as he looked at down at the gesture of her hands. A slow nod followed. He felt the same way. It was confusing. Sometimes their energies seemed to match seamlessly. He was grateful of those moments, where they could laugh, connect, even if it was over something stupid, or make dumb jokes with each other. Or when they expressed themselves in angry confessions, or heated breaths. So he looked back up at her eyes and bit the inside of his lower lip once again. ‘‘I know,’’ he replied. They were both guilty om complicating things unnecessarily.

His gaze went past her as he stared forward, thinking about what he wanted to tell her. How could he make things easier for her? He could not tell her everything his mind was tumbling around. It was still scary to have somebody else close, ready to strike on weaknesses. The only thing they could relate to, was their problems. The things they had created for themselves. He could start there, talking about them, rather then himself. Something that felt safe, but was just as... weird and uncomfortable. ‘‘I know you think marriage will solve everything but-’’ He looked back over to her, his two-colored eyes flashing quickly over to her. Of course, he started to like her in a funny way. He liked when things weren't real, as if they lived in a little fantasy. Once that door of his room shut and they would scream and fight, and make up, and talk about meaningless things, provoke each other again, and laugh about it after. Of course he liked that, he liked her, he wanted her then. ‘‘But it won't solve us not being able to.. to be around each other without feeling like.. like this, I s'pose.’’ His words came quickly, rambling, slightly stumbling over each other. However, he was able to refrain from using an agitated tone, from being sarcastic or witty. It was just true.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

As soon as those words escaped her lips a feeling of regret crept up on her. As much as she craved the comfort of his reassurance and touch, she simply knew that craving to be temporary. Caught up in the bliss of the moment they’d exchange some rare, genuine glimpses of affection before aiming for each other’s throat once more. Beside, she didn’t even know what kind of answer she expected. It was clear that he didn’t intend to wed her anytime soon, so why bother? Apparently this mutual relationship built on frustration and lust was enough for him, and that connection she swore to have sparked between them had been nothing more than a delusional assumption.

She didn’t know what to expect, aside from the silence in the room lingering as he’d eventually move away from the door, allowing her to move on with her day as if they were nothing but an arranged, newly engaged couple, excited for what the future had in store for them. So the way he agreed certainly caught her off guard, forcing her to avert her gaze from the floor and meet his eyes again. Though she was hesitant to look him in the eye, she couldn’t help but to keep searching for any kind of sign that he was being genuine. That he truly understood what she meant, instead of simply trying to tempt her into giving into his charm once more.

The sorceress remained silent as he continued, her heart jumping at the mention of marriage. He was right. She did assume marriage would solve the majority of her concerns, because it would. Once their union had been blessed by the High Priestess, she could sit out her days in peace, waiting for her illness to strike as she was forced to take on the role of a wife, bearing his children while their family prayed to Lythrana to grant them a new generation of sorcerers. The thought of it once disgusted her, it still did, but she knew her parents would pass away eventually, leaving behind a maiden unsuitable for marriage while her siblings were busy honoring their duties. Not only would she bring shame upon this family, but she wouldn’t have anywhere to go. No one to look after her. When her parents had sent her away to Lythrania she’d despised them. And even though she hated to admit it, she started to understand the urgency behind their decision.

The whirlwind of thoughts ravaged its way through her mind as he continued, as she held back the urge to immediately protest against his claims. She’d let him finish as she thought about her reply, relieved by the way the tone of his voice didn’t contain a glimpse of blame of annoyance. ”I don’t think it would solve everything,” she corrected him, refraining her voice from sounding defensive, trying to match the way he’d spoken to her. ”But I do believe we’d be better off surrendering ourselves to our fate.” Though her voice remained calm, she didn’t sugarcoat her words. For all she knew, this might be her last chance to convince him without starting an argument. Lythrana knew when his mood would swing and she’d back him in a corner with even mentioning the aspect of marriage. ”Perhaps it won’t be able to solve all of our concerns, but—“ as easy as the words rolled over her lips before, she didn’t know how to voice her thoughts at this moment. But what? It would make it easier for them to see each other? To ‘settle their arguments’, as they called it?

The silence remained the haunt them longer than she intended to as she struggled to find the words. “At least we’d be able to figure things out.. together.” That sharp tongue was nowhere to be found now that she’d put herself in a vulnerable position. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, caused by the tossing and turning this whole situation caused her. Tomorrow she’d probably regret opening up to him like this, but right now that tiny glimpse of hope that he’d understand, that he’d agree with her lingered. The sorceress averted her gaze back to the floor. Not that it mattered. Within the dim lit room, she was barely able to make out his expressions anyway. ”I- I think I’m just tired of pretending.”

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

In moments like this he wondered what was going through the mind of this girl in front of him. He didn't think like she was any ordinary girl, that liked sparkly things and dance and dreamed about prince charming on a white horse. She was much sharper and wittier to be like that. At first, she seemed to be just as displeased about the arrangement as he had been, but ever since they had last spend the night together, she seemed hell bent to wed. She had shown her efforts to make the best of a bad hand dealt, but the past few days seemed different. Maybe it had been just that scare, that they had might ruined this marriage before it had even begun. Maybe he was just paranoid, that he just wanted to see bigger problems than there were. He just hadn't figured her out yet. And he was still far from figuring himself out, and if he even wanted brave that complex mind of hers.

It was clear what his body wanted. Because every time he closed his eyes in his bed, he could see her face. He could still smell her lingering scent on his pillows. He could imagine the feeling of her fingertips and lips on his skin. And when he heard her speak right know, the echoes of the needy breaths shared between them were intoxicating. So it was all the more infuriating that the distance between them felt further than ever before. How easy would it be if they just submitted to each other. To stop with this dance of will-they, won't-they? But with everything she asked of him, he took three steps back for every step forward they had made. The push and pull was nauseating. It was like being on a ship on a restless tide.

So when she explained herself, he kept silent to listen. It was like she lifted the tip of the veil of that worried mind of hers. No, it would not solve all their problems. He glimpsed at the pearls around her neck, which seemed to be glued to her body ever since he put them on her. He had chained them together that day, made turning back impossible. She expected him to follow up to that deeds, he knew that much. But it might have been his hand that made the engagement conclusive, it was not his mind that had moved them. But the notion that they should just surrender, made his fists clench. It felt so real, the way she just stated it. It was not like he could ever fight back against the burden of tradition and duty, but- it sounded like giving up. Even if he had made that step already, the peals were the proof. But it had came with a promise, to do it their way, whatever it was.

They would never be a fairy-tale couple. The most they could be was an agreement, a compromise. Lust was far from love. Maybe one day he would learn to like her, to not fight with her about everything. It was what she was offering, maybe a hidden path in their future where they could figure things out together. Ezekiel looked down when those words drifted between them, mulling them over in his head. In a way he knew Chaska was not the enemy. They were just two poor unfortunate souls, forced to be together. Together might not be the end of times. He only looked up again when she spoke again, wishing to stop this act they were playing.

The silver-haired sorcerer gave her a long look. He agreed with that. He hoped the charade they were keeping up would shift in something more real after their last few implosions. At least, when they were together, they showed true colors. But in front of others it was like they wanted them to be. ‘‘Can we stop.. pretending?’’ The question was over his lips before he knew it, exposing himself vulnerable once again. He frowned and looked away once more. ‘‘They might not like that.’’ They. Their family, the city, the world, whatever. He was rough around the edges, he knew that. In some ways he had been pretending almost his whole life, acting like a better version of himself. Keeping his insecurities and flaws hidden, somewhere dark and far away.

He took a deep breath, taking another look at her. ‘‘But I do want to be real with you.’’ Because the moments they shared between the fights, when they thought nobody was watching, were the few moments he could actually laugh. Where it seemed they could be something like friends. And when they kissed- she had infected his mind with her touches. He had not forgotten her outburst: he knew he was stuck in her mind too. It was way too complicated. It could turn out ugly. They might not find the moments of laughter and pleasure between the fights and the silences when times passed. That might be the scariest of it all. What if it was just a rush, a way to deflect their anger of the world onto each other. What if that anger faded. Did they have anything left? At least they had a passionate engagement. What if it watered down in an even lonelier marriage?

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

The feeling of loneliness had become familiar with her ever since her stay within the castle, having spent enough nights within that room which still didn’t succeed in making her feel at home. She’d spent nights tossing and turning, something she rarely experienced back in her family home within Moonbright. And when she occasionally would struggle with the worries of her illness as a child, the soothing voice of her elder sister had been quick to ease her mind. Down here she’d find no such comfort, hence why she was so desperately demanding it from the man who’d have his own, selfish reasons for doing so. Feeling justified to his behavior due to those shiny pearls around her neck.

And yet she silently wished for his arms around her right now, pulling her closer as he’d tell her exactly what she wanted to hear. An act of innocence, instead of his rough touches and tugging on her hair for once. A gentle reassurance similar to the way he’d held her after their previous night, gently stroking the back of her head as they exchanged dumb words and soft chuckles.

But who was she kidding. The distance between them felt greater then ever before, even when both of them tried so hard not to fall back into lashing out and blaming the other for the matters which laid out of their control. Surprisingly, he’d listened to her words, and yet she already regretted ever speaking them out loud. No matter how hard she tried to avoid it, he managed to tear down the walls she’d built around herself by showing her the smallest amount of compassion. The tiniest glimpse of hope that he actually did intend to wed her. By the gods, she truly had fallen from grace.

She looked up at his sudden question, meeting his gaze for a brief moment before he looked away. Her first instinct was to interrupt, but he had given her a chance to speak her delusional little mind. It was only fair to do the same, even if she had to call upon her patron to give her the strength in doing so.

Those final words made her heart skip a beat. Though what he was saying was stupid and unrealistic, he sounded so genuine. But even then, he truly didn’t seem to understand the way the world worked. No matter how many times she’d tried to convince him. ”Then why won’t you just marry me?” she blurted out, the words escaping her lips before she could swallow them. Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke, frustrated about how she simply couldn’t seem to get the point across. ”Don’t you understand? We can’t simply ‘stop pretending’ in front of their eyes.” Her voice had grown louder, no longer aware of the fact that she might cause trouble by possibly alerting the staff. ”What do you think they’ll make me out to be? Have you ever considered how that would affect me and my future?” Tears rolled down her cheeks at this point as she seemed to have lost control over her words. Perhaps the lack of sleep was getting to her, or the worries within her mind had simply become too much to bear.

The sorceress tried to find the strength to calm herself down, just enough to catch her breath and regain her composure. ”It’s not fair,” she quietly sobbed, hiding behind her crossed arms and hair draping across her face and shoulders. He could do whatever he wanted. Feast upon her body without consequences, shifting the blame onto someone else when she’d stop bleeding and secure this little life he’d built for himself. Though, as much as she despised the way he could easily distant himself from it all, this arrangement had never been his choice, just as much as it hadn’t been hers. ”None of this is fair.”

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

Everything circled back to the same thing, one spoken in her quick response. Why wouldn't he just marry her. As if it was not something life-changing. She was so ready to leave everything she knew behind to jump ship with him: a man she barely knew and was hand-picked out of a pool of sorcerers. Or did she think once the knot was tied, she could continue with her life once more. They could perform their duties in peace and not bat another eye at each other for the future. Maybe that what was she was working towards. He had no idea. She wanted that security, he just wanted to figure it out.

‘‘I will- it's just that...’’ he started to argue back. It was the first time he had spoken up about marriage since the engagement. He had proven himself that he eventually would, the pearls were the proof of that promise. He wanted to argue back more, but she was quicker to words, and only then he noticed how her eyes had started to glimmer in the pale light. He was taken aback by what followed, how she seemed to crumble down in front of her as her frustration came to the surface once more. But not accompanied with angry words like he had grown familiar with. No, they were lined with a form of desperation, as she explained that it was essential for her future.

Ezekiel's face had changed noticeably. His eyes had turned bigger as he had no respons for that. The sudden breakdown was not in character with the picture he had painted of his fiance. She was this fierce and annoying girl, intimidating even. Someone who was not afraid to fight back when he was being cruel or unreasonable. And maybe that was what he liked about her the most. But this more fragile side of her that seemed to be bottling up even since they first met, he had not seen before. He had seen her at peace before, curled up against his side, but when the tears started flowing, he just felt like a dick.

When Chaska started to mutter that it wasn't fair, multiple times, his gaze softened. It was not their choice to end up like this. He stepped forward and raised his hands to gently wipe away the tears from underneath her eyes. ‘‘I know,’’ he replied. That was probably the only thing they could connect about, because they had been forced to the situation that they had to talk in storage rooms, away from prying eyes. Well, they might have broken rules that never had should been broken, but it seemingly was the only way they knew how to agree.

‘‘Your future should be yours to decide, not anybody else,’’ he started to speak softly as he wiped his thumbs over her cheeks. It was the same he was struggling with, the way the control of his life was slipping between his fingers. If he had a bit more nerve, he would have ran away from this life a long time ago. The thing was, he didn't know anything but this life. And it had been comfortable enough for him. He could rebel from the sidelines, cause just enough trouble to get away with. But now, he realized, everything he did had consequences for somebody else. She was his responsibility now as well. And that was scary, and he at last understood what she was saying. Maybe he knew for a while now, but just didn't want to see it. ‘‘I'm sorry I have to be the one to ruin it for you.’’ He looked her straight in the eye now. Maybe she was thinking about it for a while now. Imagine if she had been pregnant, it would have been screwed.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

Unlike their previous encounters with hard conversations and feelings of frustration, she couldn't simply hide behind her silver tongue and fierce attitude this time. Not now that he'd shown her a glimpse of compassion, more than he ever granted her aside from their previous night together. Until their conversation escalated once more, resulting in yet another lonely night within that room that was supposed to be temporary.

His words barely reached her, refusing to let him finish, her own words continuing to roll over her lips as if she had to hold them back for ages. The soceress had never been keen on expressing her feelings, rather keeping them to herself until time managed to whatever wound bothering her. Perhaps her siblings had been the only one able to look through her facades from time to time, managing to break down her walls before she'd bottle everything up, often resulting in tears and sobs.

But they hadn't been there lately, both of them caught up within their own lives as she tried to save hers by desperately trying to convince the silver haired man in front of her to marry her. To go as far as trying to manipulate him with the possible consequences of his actions, actions in which she'd willingly participated in hopes of making him crave her to the point of sealing their arrangement. The whole situation was truly pathetic. She had been truly pathetic.

Perhaps that realisation prepared her for his reply, a reply which she assumed to consist out of accusations and snarky responses as usual. It was simply the only way the two of them seemed to be able to communicate. As soon as one of them showed a glimpse of vulnerability, they'd found a way to turn it into an argument of some sort. An argument which could only be solved in between the sheets, any trace of it drowned by heavy breaths and pleading words, before they'd end up at square one again.

The silence between them had been occasionally broken by the sound of her sobs, before his words brought her teary gaze right back to him, eyes wide as she stared at him in both confusion and relief. She hadn't even noticed his approach before feeling the gentle strokes of his thumbs against her face, wiping away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. No matter how much she tried, this man remained a mystery to her. She couldn't predict his responses no matter how hard she tried. But for once she didn't mind, embracing the comfort she found in his words as she was swift to wrap her arms around his waist, not caring if her tears might stain his clothing as she buried her face within the fabric. "It should be, but it isn't," she quietly sobbed in response, her voice muffled from speaking against the fabric. "And it won't be." If only the world would be free of rules like this, who knew what their life could've looked like.

After wiping her tears away using the sleeve of her dress, she leaned back to look him in the eye as he spoke, ashamed on how she had completely lost her composure just now. Once again the words didn't match anything she would've expected from him. They tightened the knot in her stomache, perhaps even feeling sorry for him even when he managed to bring the worse out of her. "It's not your fault," she simply spoke, her voice unstable from her emotional outburst just now. "You've had as much of a say in this as I had." And maybe she was grateful for that fact, not knowing if their parents had been able to find someone else willing to marry their peculiar daughter. This match could have been worse. At the very least they somewhat.. liked each other, in a way, she supposed.

Perhaps she'd simpy let her emotions pile up for too long, seeing as her eyes still teared up even though her outburst managed to relieve the tension in her body somehow. The sorceress stared back at the floor, repeating his last words in her mind, wondering if she truly felt that way. "If anything," she started, her voice hesitant as she crossed her arms once more. "I'm relieved it's you."

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

Unlike the previous time they touched together, it was not met with a flinch, or the awkward stiffness. Not even the rough need he usually felt. It was more like the way she used to draw circles on his body when she curled up beside him. So his thumbs pushed the tears slightly away from her eyes, his palms following the curve of her cheeks. As if letting her in when he was vulnerable was hard, he found it even harder to see her vulnerable and knowing he was the reason why she was getting emotional. And he did not know how he should behave. He was terrible with words, so he could only offer his presence - or absence, if that would comfort her more.

This was the start of a lifetime of taking care of her. Previously, it had been her taking care of him when he had been reckless. Bloody knuckles, busted lips, grimy prison cells. She had seen it all, the consequences of his blood that was quick to boil. She had felt it. But when his heart warmed for something completely different, something strange and unfamiliar, it made him unsure what to do. It reminded how he had protected Myr when they were kids, to see him struggle and not knowing what to do or say to make him feel better. All those years again, he had become acquiescent with the only thing he knew what could make bullies stop: violence. But at the end of the day, it had not made Myr feel better. It had made things worse.

So when he tried to at least apologize for the shitty situation she was in, because of him, because of her parents, whatever, she wrapped her arms around him, leaning her face against his chest. For a moment Ezekiel stood still, his arms hovering in thin air, before he reciprocated the embrace, placing his arms around her shoulders and pulling her in slightly tighter, leaning his cheek against the side of her head. He bit on the inside of his lip as he kept silent for most of it, just letting her be.

So when she cried muffled words, he gave a tiny nod. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. They were the people in this city that held the most power in their hands. Because of their position. They literally lived in a castle, given to them by the would-be king. They should be grateful, happy. But he felt neither as he walked the halls. Such a pretty cage after all. He often wished he had been born a commoner. Maybe he could have been by the mother he never knew. If the family hadn't found him, what would have become of him? He would never had kept the girl that was in his arms right know. Would he trade that away for a chance of a normal life?

Once she had untangled herself from him, he quickly took a step back, his back hitting the door as he did. And she was quick to blow of his apology. It was true that he didn't have much say in it, but he hadn't made her life easier. But in a way, neither did she to him. Sometimes she seemed to be like a parasite, following his every turn. But whatever it was that was brewing between them, they seemed to agree on that whatever they were doing right now, wasn't the way. But finding a way forward was also shrouded in disagreement.

Her eyes were still clouded as she tried to compose herself. His heart fell heavy too, seeing her like this. This... creature that had seemed so hellbent on getting whatever she wanted. Who had lashed out whenever he was difficult, was it with words or even the palm of her hand. But she had shown kindness as well. And even now, she said she was relieved it was him. Out of all the Vylasars, him?! His eyes widened again, looking at her dumbfounded. ‘‘Why?’’ The question was out before he knew. Wouldn't she had been better of with somebody like Myr, or any of his other older cousins. He had been nothing but a liability. Sometimes not because he wanted to be, but more often deliberately. He had raised his voice against her in multiple occasions without much regret. And still, those stupid little words made something flutter inside him, that desperate feeling to be wanted. To be appreciated. He hated feeling so terribly small.

Ezekiel quickly composed himself as he straightened up a bit. ‘‘I thought you-’’ What? Hated him? Despised him? Wished for anybody else? Again, those silly insecure thoughts. He should not care about them. What if she hated him, or worse, liked him. It couldn't be. Because what they shared physical. It was just that, wasn't it? Physical. Wasn't it... ?

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

When he had taken her to this dusty storage room she did indeed had some sort of a clue on what the subject would be. Though her hopes had remained high for him to mention something about considering to wed her soon, she wasn’t surprised when he hadn’t. Something she did not expect, however, was to find comfort in his embrace once more. Except that this time it hadn’t been followed by sins they weren’t allowed to commit. This time she didn’t have to earn his acts of affection by relieving him of his own frustrations first. Instead of flinching or moving away from her all together, she soon felt his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her in closer as her tears continued to stain the fabric of his clothing.

The tension in her body faded at his touch, after she’d quietly sobbed her frustrations against his embrace. When it came to asking for his comfort her mind and body seemed to be at war. The two of them seemed to be drawn to each other like magnets, her body yearning for his touch at every opportunity she’d get. Meanwhile her mind had been forcing her to hide within a fortress of sharp words and frustration, demanding him to leave as soon as he’d dared to take a step forward.

Which is why she was quick to distance herself from him again, not sure if she regretted her sudden demand for comfort, or that he’d managed to relieve her in some way. The sorcerer in front of her remained silent through it all, until the aftermath of her outburst forced somewhat of a confession through her lips, which seemingly left him confused. She still didn’t meet his eyes as he spoke, sounding baffled at her words. Perhaps it had been a strange thing to say, looking back on the situation they found themselves in. But beside the arguments, insults and even the slap against his face, they’d shared moments she hadn’t experienced before. Flashbacks of their passionate nights within his chambers haunted her to this day, even when she had to trade the warmth of his skin against hers for an empty bed afterwards. Even before all that, when she’d spoken out about how she felt about this arrangement back in Silvercrest, he understood.

If she could take a guess on what was going on within his mind as he voiced his confusion, she’d expect him to compare himself to their cousin, wondering why she didn’t prefer the handsome, responsible, kind hearted heir over the man who had managed to push her over the edge multiple times. To have tempted her into acts she hadn’t been allowed to commit and could be a threat to her future. If she had to be honest, she’d thought about it as well. Myrddin had shown her kindness from the start, taking her under his wing and showing her around as her betrothed tagged along, not taking the initiative to make her feel at home. But that time during her visit in the infirmary when their lips had accidentally touched, she hadn’t felt the same way. It couldn’t compare to when Ezekiel’s lips had hungrily crashed into hers, leaving the bitter taste of blood behind as she had willingly gave herself to him. Beside the fact that the blonde had never been a suitable option due to the handicap of his own, she knew she wouldn’t have found the same kind of passion as she found within the man in front of her. She had considered them a mismatch at first, but when he would occasionally allow her to have a peek at what hid behind his thick skin, she recognized what she saw.

Maybe that was why, though she could never get those words across. So she simply shrugged, hiding behind her crossed arms as his following words succeeded in drawing her tear stained gaze back to his. Though he couldn’t finish his sentence, she knew exactly what he was trying to say, or so she assumed. And she hated to admit that it tightened the knot in her stomach. Did he truly think that she hated him? Even after their previous night, of which those gentle touches still lingered in her mind?

”I don’t,” she quietly admitted, uncrossing her arms as she closed the distance between them once more, reaching out her hand to trace her finger over the stains she’d left on the fabric of his clothing, maybe just as an excuse to touch him. Leaning in closer, as if being pulled towards him by a magic unknown to her, she gently pressed his lips against his cheek, her own heart skipping a beat as she did.”I assumed you would’ve figured that out by now, she continued quietly, a mere whisper against his cheek, traces of her sobbing still to be found in the crack of her voice. After distancing herself from his once more, the sorceress stared into his odd colored eyes, her own gaze a mix of uncertainty and reassurance. She had seen and felt every part of this man, and yet heat managed to flush her cheeks at every touch, at every breath against her skin. Maybe the dim lighting worked in her favor, making him unable to notice.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

The sorcerer felt complete out of his reach with his arms around her shoulders. He had always been comfortable in silences. He had to be, if your only close friend in childhood couldn't speak. But as kids it was so easy to speak. To be blunt. To ask why somebody was sad or hurting. So silly that when you grew up, things like that started to fade away. But he thought he was starting to understand Chaska little by little, as he saw her attempts to reach out to him. Only he kept the door locked, only breaking down when he lost his temper.

He understood why she was so frustrated, so much that it had made her burst into tears. There was no justice in their arrangement. It would be futile to keep fighting. They were destined for each other. It was not fate, it was just business. They didn't have a choice to decline the offers. They were not the merchants, just the damaged goods they tried to swindle away. No use in trying to pretend otherwise. He was still wondering which side of the family had done the best deal, and who had been deceived. Or that they already knew, but just didn't care. Somehow, that would hurt more. So yes, he understood her. But after all she still did not seem to blame him, hate him, was like some small miracle.

The sorcerer really did not deserve her forgiveness, her patience with him, even if it seemed to be running out. She just wanted it over with. She didn't want to feel the regret whenever they spend the night together. She did not want the fear of everybody figuring out about the sins they had committed. Perhaps he should just grant her her wishes, after all the trouble he had made her endure. To take control of this, instead of handing the organisation of their wedding day to his aunt once again.

The moment lasted for only a short while. He knew how hard it was to be vulnerable in front of somebody, especially to somebody you only wanted to show your toughest side. He saw her visibly struggle, but he didn't comment anything on it. This was their little secret and he would not push further. And when the confessions started coming and the confusion that followed, he had no time to think about how their lives sucked. He just stared at her, where she avoided his gaze. It was like the world was turned upside down and he was looking at it at another angle. She didn't answer his question initial question, which was probably for the best. He pushed his hands back into his pockets where he clutched his fingers around his thumbs, just to stop his hands from fiddling.

Their minds silently had crept closer together, because Chaska could answer his question without him even finishing it. Now it was his turn to look away as he heard the fabric of her dress move. He mulled those simple words in his mind. He guessed he didn't hate her too, even if she was intrusive, and annoying and a tad bit desperate. He had no expected her to come closer, after distancing herself. As unpredictable as the tides, her fingers were once more on his body. But for once their was cloth between their skins. He looked back at her as surprised him with a kiss to his cheek.

Now he was truly lost. His eyes were round as he looked at her, listening to her fragile voice ever so closely to his ears. He furrowed his brows as he fought the urge to clasp his hands around her wrists, to push her against the wall and kiss her senseless, not caring about the salty taste of tears on her lips. It would be easy to seal this talk with the only thing they seemed to have no troubles with. But he just... couldn't. He could not go through this again, having to talk in secret to make sure there were no consequences of past mistakes. So after a small shuffle of his feet, he met her lingering gaze. ‘‘Now I do,’’ he said with a soft voice, ever so slightly hoarse.

He gifted her a small smile, brushing his knuckles past his cheek where her lips had made an invisible mark just a moment before. ‘‘You shouldn't cry,’’ he eventually continued. It was messed up. They were unhappy. They would fuck around the whole castle just to feel something if they could. But he had made a promise in the tunnel. They should do it their way, and they should not let other people make them feel that way. ‘‘We should be celebrating,’’ he continued. After all, they survived a big scare this time. And: ‘‘We haven't had the chance to properly honor our engagement. With me getting locked up, and all.’’ His tone of voice turned a bit sarcastically. But they should get out of his gloomy place, drink to an unborn child. Maybe try to be normal people, only for a night.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

She didn't know exactly why she had leaned in and pressed that kiss against his cheek, though it easily could've been another excuse to get close, to satisfy her ever growing hunger for his touch. Perhaps it had been another desperate attempt for her to convince him, though his following answer didn't fail to make her heart flutter. It took him a while to meet her gaze, as he left her wondering what kind of thoughts occupied his mind. For a brief moment she had been scared to have crossed a boundary, to make things even more complicated between them, but when she was met with those words he scouldn't refrain her lips from curling into a faint smile.

It was almost as if the man she had been sharing the sheets with had been an entirely different one, seeing how he brushed his hand against his cheek with a smile. If she hadn't known him any better she might've spoken of that gesture as something adorable, but she hadn't forgot about the way he'd tugged her hair as he left his marks, forcing his name through her lips using whatever spell he managed to cast upon her. Perhaps, if it hadn't been for the anxiety she went through for the past few weeks, she would've wished for this conversation to end exactly like that, pushed up against the wall of his dusty, dim lit room as he slid his hands across the curves of her body.

His words were quick to snap her out of those forbidden thoughts, giving her eyes one last wipe using her sleeve, removing the last bit of evidence from her outburst aside from her puffy eyes. "Just pretend that didn't happen," she tried to joke through the traces of her sobs still present within her voice. Even while joking, she'd truly appreciate it if he'd simply erase the picture from his mind, forgetting about the way she'd shown vulnerability. Emotional vulnerability, that was. The boundary of being physical had been long gone, crossed before she even realized the possible consequences. Though, Lythrana had made sure to warn her, leaving her with an intoxicated mind, craving him whenever the feeling of loneliness would creep up to her in those empty sheets.

Her gaze, which had drifted off as she lost herself in another string of thoughts, was drawn back to him as he continued, widening the smile on her lips. Though the tough feelings about the situation remained, they were quick to be pushed aside as a glimpse of joy washed over her, wondering if his words were actually true instead of an attempt at lifting her spirits. They seemed blissfully genuine, however. His last words forced a chuckle through her lips, paired with the eyeroll that had become all too familiar to her. "I think we did celebrate, in our own way." Though she tried to match his careless and joking tone, her heart jumped at the thought. "But I suppose you're right," she admitted. They did deserve a celebration, even if they were simply celebrating overcoming the obstacles which only they knew about. "Though I'd fancy someplace other than some dusty storage room, If you don't mind," she continued, her lips still curled into a smile. She could feel her lingering feelings of desperation vanish with each tiny joke they managed to crack, just as if they were back within that brief moment where everything between them had seemed fine. Where she'd even meant to have felt something other than the dutiful need to marry him.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

The sorcerer still did not want to like her. He didn't want to grant that pleasure to his aunt, or her parents, as if they would achieve something good with this arrangement. But he did wanted to like her for his sake - and her's. And in some ways it was to easy to start liking her, because she was beautiful, and witty, and irritating. And she was the only one who could understand his anger and he was the one who could understand her sadness. And yet, there was this huge, fortified wall between them.

So he erased his flustered expression from his face and kept his gaze on her for only short periods. Glances towards her dimly lit face when she spoke, or when he saw her wipe her tears away. And when she tried to jokingly protect her image, he chuckled airily for just a second and glanced back at her. ‘‘What happened to no more pretending?’’ He raised his eyebrows slowly when he caught her eyes, before looking away again. But he understood. He wished he would erase that picture of him, heated with anger, any time they had an argument. When he could hit his own knuckles bloody because he did not know how to express himself otherwise, and needed the sweet release of pain to bring both his feet back at the ground.

But he took initiative to snap out of it. To maybe head to her words anyway and try to forget about what had just happened. Perhaps she was right, and that would be easier. But he was too stubborn and had to much pride to ever say such words out loud. Miracles were however not out of this world, when he was able to make her laugh, even if it was followed by her eyes rolling. He leaned back against the door again and a small smirk adorned his lips. Her words, however, made that smirk disappear into thin air. He was lucky there was not much light, or otherwise she might have noticed his ears turning red. He did not regret those nights that much, but he had regretted the aftermath. Chaska saved him from further embarrassment when she continued speaking and spoke the words out loud he would never, and his smug expression returned right where it belonged. ‘‘I like it when you talk like that,’’ he teased her back, crossing his arms in front of his body.

When she mentioned his peculiar spot to talk once more, it was his turn to roll his eyes. His eyes were drown at the speckles of dust in one of the rays of lights that wriggled it's way through a crack above the door. ‘‘Maybe I do mind,’’ he replied quasi-offended. Though, he couldn't help but think she implied a hidden meaning underneath those words. Celebrate, where? His or her's chambers? He eyed her body up and down, licking his lips. No, they couldn't. So before she could truly answers, he sought her eyes. ‘‘Let's go out, then,’’ he spoke quickly. ‘‘Somewhere without family, or duty.’’ Somewhere without responsibilities or prying eyes. Where maybe the curtains could finally be dropped, truly.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

For once she was able to feel calm in his prescence, aside from the occasional fluttery feeling in her chest as he stared into her eyes a little too long, or the way her heart skipped a beat with every thought about what they could be doing within this dimly lit storage room. Though there was no trace of anger or frustration to be found, beside their mutual anger at the world and its despicable laws, perhaps.

"Shut up," she bit back at his comment, though she couldn't repress a faint chuckle as she averted her gaze, scared that locking eyes with him for too long would result in something they were trying to refrain themselves from doing. While traces of her outburst were still present within her voice and eyes, it almost seemed as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders after their honest conversation. Of course her worries would linger. If she had to be completely honest, she doubted if their marriage would free her from worrying alltogether. It would ease the anxiety about securing her future, but would open a whole new door, wondering how he'd even react as soon as her hair would turn completely white and her vision would be gone for good. Especially when he had already chained himself to her without the knowledge of her illness.

The sorceress was quick to shrug off those worries as a shiver went down her spine, bringing her back in the present. Her eyes followed him as he leaned back against the door, before swiftly averting them once more. It was almost like a game of some sort. Catching glimpses of one another before swiftly looking away. Almost as if they were some flustered teenagers eyeing their crush at the local tavern. Quite the contrast compared to their previous night, where she hadn't let her gaze stray from his even when she looked down on him, grinding her hips against his in a demanding manner. They weren't as daring now, their vulnerability breaking through those brick walls, even if if just for a bit.

She had not looked him in the eye as she voiced her daring remark, followed by admitting that he was right about something for once, though his reply didn't fail in staining her cheeks a crimson color. "Don't get used to it," she responded as she turned her face away from him, attempting to hide her flushed cheeks. Now that the tension between them had been lifted, another kind of tension surged through her body. An urge which she would not give into this time. But by Lythrana, if he kept tempting her with his suggestive pretty little words, she would have to make sure to get back to her chambers as soon as possiblem refraining herself from letting her feelings get the better of her in this state of emotion.

Scoffing at his answer she crossed her arms, imitating his behavior. "Too bad," she replied, closing the distance between them just a little. "It takes more than a storage room to impress me." Her words came paired with a smug look on her face, though that look was quick to vanish as he eyed her body up and down, licking his lips as he did. It had been an obvious fact that both of them were thinking the same, sinful thoughts at this point. Refraining themselves from joining their heartbeats once more while secretly hoping for the other to make a move.

This time she didn't look away as he spoke, swiftly attempting to change back the subject where it had derailed. "That sounds more like it," the sorceress replied as a faint but genuine smile appeared on her lips. "And you're in luck," she continued, her body drawn closer towards his like the magnets they were, though she tried so hard to contain herself. "Because I think I know just the place." She had uncrossed her arms, her finger swiftly tracing across his chest before she took a small step back again. "Tomorrow afternoon, perhaps?

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

It was like they took turns glancing at one another while the other was looking away. So when his words struck a nerve, she gracefully told him to "shut up". He remembered the last time she told him that and he didn't head to her wishes. He kept pressing on and she hit him for it. But the situation was a lot different back then. Now, it was almost like a joke, like he was supposed to laugh with her. It was very tempting to start this whole tragedy from the start again. To produce a tiny smirk on his lips as he would lean in, object her words with challenging whispers. But instead he stayed put, crossing his arms in front of him, copying her defensive posture. ‘‘You always say that when I'm starting to make sense.’’ He just couldn't help the smug expression that started to appear when he did not shut up.

Somehow their gentle moment from just minutes ago, seemed to be far in the past already. Was it not for Chaska's puffy eyes and red skin, the two were quite skilled in clearing the air quickly. Or, avoiding things to be too real for too long. Especially Ezekiel felt extremely uncomfortable in those kind of situations. He would lose his voice, not knowing what to say or do. He could barely run away from his own problems quick enough, so taking care of someone else's was a like a mathematical problem he would be stuck on forever. So he did where he was more skilled at: avoiding the problem and change the subject. And he would do as she wished, pretend it did not happen and slightly tease the woman in front of him.

Ezekiel smirked proudly when he saw her fluster from his words, but she was swift to argue back at him. Now it was his turn to chuckle. It was so tempting to step forward now, place his fingers around her chin to make her look at him, say something... stupid and- no. His fingers picked at the fabric of his sleeve, the more fancy linnen that he wore for family meetings. ‘‘I won't,’’ he promised simply. Not because he would stop trying to prove himself right, but because some things just never would get old. He looked down at the ground once more as he tried to refrain himself from acting up stupidly.

So the plans would be made quickly. They would escape this storage room, celebrate somewhere public. Out themselves as the happy couple, talking with heads close together and nothing more. No touches, no suggestive glances. He looked back up at her trough his eyelashes when she started talking again, which made him laugh. They shared a quick gleeful looked, followed by something more eager. They were both thinking it: mentally undressing each other already. He could impress her in any room, if she wanted to. But he swallowed those words before they became real, knowing he should not.

Chaska was more wise, keeping on topic. But when she stepped closer, he was quick to unfold his arms, standing up a bit straighter. He chuckled when she said she knew a place. ‘‘You?’’ he asked, his eyebrows slightly raised and an skeptical expression on his face. But he was silenced quickly as she touched him, just one finger, sliding down his chest. He barely heard the words that followed, as he looked at her hand, then up again. She was really asking for it now, reacting to only silent looks he had given her. So when she started to move back again, he wrapped his fingers around the wrist of the hand that had touched him. She could not just do that and walk away. So with a quick tug he pulled her in closer. ‘‘Ðeal,’’ he said decisively, skipping past her eyes and only looking at her lips.

Everything happened quickly now, as his patience had ran out. How quickly he had grown used to her touches, and how she left him craving for more. Ezekiel placed his free hand around her waist, turning her around, swapping their places, and he pinned her against the door, trapping her between his body and the wood. Both his hand made their way up to her neck, cupping her cheeks, giving her no time to think or him to wait for some kind of permission, as he hungrily placed his lips against hers, that hint of salt from her tears still lingering on her lips.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

Her tear stained eyes and flushed cheeks had been the only trace left of her outburst. Instead of sorrow and desperation, her words were once again spoken with faint chuckles and sarcastic smiles. No matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't seem to uncover the true nature behind this man. On one moment she had to call upon Lythrana to refrain her from beating some sense into him. Yet, just a brief moment later, she would be smiling at another stupid remark, craving the taste of his lips as he showed her one of those stupid, smug looks.

"Please," she scoffed at his remark, slightly shaking her head in response. "You never do." She shot him another brief glance. Long enough to distinguish his features within the dim lighting before she averted her gaze once more. She was simply stating facts, though. He never made any sense. The way they couldn't stand each other and yet craved the comfort of the other's touch. The way she'd wanted to leave this place as soon as possible upon arrival, to her questioning if she even wanted to leave him behind if the opportunity presented itself. None of it made sense.

So perhaps her next move didn't make sense as well. Letting him know that she knew a place as her finger gently slid across his chest, the linen fabric soft under her touch. She didn't know why she had bridged the distance between them. That distance they tried so hard to keep. She could've been quick to blame her emotional state, but studying the pattern in which the two of them seemed to connect, an emotional outburst wouldn't have prevented this. She would've found another reason to move closer to him. Any reason, because, somehow, they simply couldn't stray from the other's side for too long.

Maybe her last ounce of conscious was telling her to back away, to step back and build that wall between them once more. Nothing good ever came from them being within the same room for too long. They'd always find a way to circle back their arguments to bitemarks and pleads, forgetting about the world around them just for as long as they were allowed to. When the sun would rise, they'd go back to strangers, pretending to be excited for their upcoming wedding and being shy at even the slightest touch of hands brushing against one another.

But he didn't allow her to, grabbing hold of her wrist as he pulled her right back, sealing their deal with a simple word which barely went noticed as she found his odd colored gaze hungrily staring down at her lips. Before she knew it she had been trapped against the door, a gasp escaping her lips as her back met the wood, though he was quick to shut her up with his lips pressed against hers. The warmth of his hands matched the burning of her cheeks as her hands were quick to wander. One sliding underneath the fabric of his tunic, moving across his torso all the way up towards his chest, while the other was swift to grab hold of the waistband of his trousers as she pulled in him in closer, craving the heat of his body against hers.

She had been swift to deepen the kiss. To close her eyes and let her hands wander as that familiar heat surged through her body, wanting nothing more than to give herself to him within this dusty, old storage room. But if they had learned one thing today, it had to be that this wasn't the way. Their arguments and casual conversations leading back to this was the exact reason why they had to be sneaking around right now, to hide themselves within a storage room as they discussed their mistakes.

So with a heavy heart she broke the kiss, catching her breath as she sought out that familiar gaze of his. One she would never find within another man. "Ez," she breathed as her gaze shifted between his eyes and lips, their faces but an inch away from one another. Slowly she let go of his waistband before cupping his cheek. "We shouldn't do this." She had to force the words through her lips, not sounding very convinced at her own statement as she did. The tone of her voice didn't couldn't seem to hide the desperation for his touch. She wanted him, even if she had sunken as low as doing so within a dusty, old room like this.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

some children are simplyborn with tragedy in their blood

His lips curled up even more as she complained that he never made sense. He stared her down until she looked away, making him smile even wider when she didn't look. In a way, she might be more like him then she thought, because they both held their cards close to their chests. And when one of them had taken a peek, they tried hard to shuffle the deck again, so their next moves could not be anticipated. He didn't know why it amused him at this moment in time so much. Because a moment ago he was stunned for words, comforting a girl who was mad at the world for putting her in his arms. And now, he was making her cheeks flush for a different reason. Okay, maybe she had a point: he did not make sense.

So of course it was insane to think about all the things he shouldn't when she stepped closer. The whole reasoning for them hiding in a place like this to talk, were because of things that he was repeating in his head right now. They should have learned their lesson by now. They jumped through the hoop this time, but how many more times would they be lucky. But as soon as she send shivers down his spine with that easy touch, he had already decided what he wanted to happen. And every word spoken between that moment and where he was standing right now, seemed to be dragging for an eternity. And in that eternity, not a thought in his head was thinking about the risks he was willing to take all over again. He just wanted the experience the heat that he knew they could share all over again.

Ezekiel would probably never get used to it, how he wanted someone so bad, who seemed to want him in return. How her hands easily found her way underneath the fabric of his shirt, as his was quickly woven in her hair. As soft gasp escaped from between his lips as she pulled him in closer from his waist. He quickly drowned the noise to roughen up the kiss, pressing the whole of his body against hers.

His hands trailed down as he followed the curves of her body, grabbing the fabric of her dress when he gotten below the waist, impatiently starting to pull some of the fabric up. It was obvious he wasn't thinking with his head anymore. So when she broke the kiss. The silver haired sorcerer's eyes fluttered open for a second, a smirk tugged on his lips as she spoke that nickname for him. He blinked slowly when he looked back at her eyes, tilting his head to the other side, brushing his nose past hers, ready to continue whatever he had started. But when the force that was pulling him closer disappeared, he pulled his head back a bit further. He saw the dark clouds looming above them already.

Chaska still had her head on her shoulders, hadn't lost all sense of logic and reason. Ezekiel couldn't help but feel disappointed. He pursed his lips together as she whispered that they should stop. Ezekiel released the fabric of the skirt, so the hem reached the floor again. His hands still remained on her hips as she forced him to look at her with his hand. ‘‘I know,’’ he replied softly. Yet, he didn't move back, because even though he knew they should not, that didn't mean they could not. His eyes studied her closely as he leaned in closer once more. ‘‘Nothing is happening though,’’ he started to softly argue back as he eagerly pulled her closer to his body again, his lip grazing the curve of her cheek, towards the nape of her neck. After all, it was just a kiss.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

The fact that it came down to this wasn't surprising. Getting caught up within hair pulling and teeth clashing seemed to be the only way the two of them were able to connect. Long ago, whwn she had first grasped the concept of marriage, she'd imagined her and her future husband getting to know eachother through candle lit dinners and walks alongside the Golden Chasm, Lythrana watching over them as their evening stroll came to an end at one of the cliffside beaches. His touch would be gentle and his words delicately chosen, and he would be eager to clasp those pearls around her neck.

Ezekiel strayed far from that daydream, but now that she'd tasted the passion on his lips she wondered if a dull, fairy tale-like prince would suffice. Perhaps this man suited the bitter taste of her anger towards the world, maybe the gods, even. He'd never say it out loud, but he craved her just as much as she craved him. It was obvious, stated by the way his hands slid across her body as ragged breaths and the sound of their lips finding each other over and over again filled the room. She had told him to be relieved by the choice of her parents. That she was glad it had been him. And even when he truly deserved to be punched in the face sometimes, she still stood by those words.

Her hands remained to wander underneath his tunic, working their way upwards, almost encouraging him to pull it over his head and pass it towards one of those dusty corners. Though, when she felt him swiftly pulling up the fabric of her dress, she was reminded by the reason behind their talk. The reason why they had to hide themselves here. This time they managed to get away with it, but who knew for how long Lythrana would turn a blind eye.

Which is why she had been hesitant to pull away, torn between what her mind and body commanded her as she stared into his eyes. The silver haired sorcerer let go of her dress when one of her hands found the warmth of his cheek, the fabric quick to drape across the floor again. Yet his hands didn't move, ready to pull her closer at any time. Against better judgement she even found herself wishing he did. To her surprise, however, he seemed to agree. A wave of what she couldn't tell was dissappointment or relief washed over her, before the man in front of her continued, leaning in as he spoke words which stained her cheeks a deep, crimson color. Her lips parted as his grazed along her cheek, her hands finding their way through his silver locks as they always did. At least she didn't have to miss the touch of his body against hers for long. Yet that uneasy feeling lingered, as if something in the back of her mind tried to warned her that next time, they wouldn't be as lucky.

A gasp escaped her lips as he made it to her neck. Slowly, the sorceress tilted her head, granting him an easier acces, which was very contradictory to the words she just said. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," she replied, her voice a mere breath with his lips grazing across her weak spot. If only she would be able to give herself to him without worry. Well, she could, as soon as he finally made up his mind about that marriage. Though, there was one thing she would be able to give him. A way in which he'd blown her mind before, forcing his name through her lips as he exceeded her expectations of what being intimate could be.

The color on her cheeks turned even brighter at the thought, but with a spark of determination in her eyes, she gently pushed him away from her once more, seeking out his gaze as she did and holding it for a brief moment. Her hands hadn't moved away from his torso as she'd created that little distance between them. So when she lowered her body, her hand slid down his torso as she neared the floor beneath them, refusing to avert her gaze from his. When her hands slid just below his waistband they stopped. For a brief moment she averted her gaze towards where her hands were resting, awaiting his response, before looking up to him once more, slowly making work of what little held his trousers together.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

baby are you gonna please mebaby I think I am crazy

The way they were pulling on each other's clothes, felt like this moment could only end one way as the temperatures were rising. It was like her hand created a path of heat up his body, making him glow up to his cheeks and push down even harder on her lips. The way every reasonable thought just left his brain in a matter of seconds. Because in the back of his mind the alarm bells were ringing, he just chose to ignore them and let the feeling that he knew would be just great overtake him.

This was the only way he knew how. It was not like he was taught in the way to seduce woman. He had learned soon enough that one day some girl would be picked for him and they would be husband and wife until the end of their days. It was just the way the world worked. And in every storybook they would fall in love and have many children and be happy. However, the real world, had taught him stories were just stories. Love was for children and lust was the only common language Chaska and him seemed to be able to communicate fluently in.

So no he did not want this to end just yet. Because as soon as he could make her fold with the brush of his lips so easily, it was like hitting just the right notes on an instrument. She could tell him to stop and yet her body language was telling him otherwise. So when she arched her neck, he parted his lips to place suck at the tender part of her skin, encouraged by her fingers in his hair.

His mouth changed in a soft smile as her breathy words reached his ears. They were both carved from the same sinful wood, not able to control their urges. When the two of them were left alone, it always ended with some kind of struggle. He just wanted to forget about all the uncertain feelings of the past few days, how he was left exposed like that when she slipped away in the night. And then for days only could look in her way with that pained uncertainty, that he would hide behind something aloof. Like he didn't care, just to make sure they would seem a dutiful couple. And now, all these silly emotions had risen to the surface, and because he could not speak clearly, he sealed that deal with something simpler.

Ezekiel felt cheated at first when she pushed him away once more. As if he had misread her, already being to cocky to think he could be wrong. But as soon as he found her gaze once more, that impatient frustration turned to something surprised as his eyes followed her down, as she locked those doe eyes firmly with his. Suddenly he was left empty handed as she left him lost for words. And when she boldly started to make work of his trousers, he felt as exposed as that time in that damned bathtub. But he knew what he could expect now and he couldn't help but feel a tiny bit excited.

His fingers brushed through her hair as he could feel his legs starting to weaken. ‘‘Oh fuck-’’ he breathed in a ragged moan as he threw his head back in his neck. Well she was right, this wasn't "nothing", as he would gladly admit that mistake he had made. His fingers dug in the back of her head as his unsteady breathing quickened.

NC

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

She wondered if she'd ever grow tired of his hands hungrily exploring her body, tugging at her hair and the fabric of her dresses as he commanded access to whatever part he decided to feast upon. Maybe when their marriage had been sealed with a ceremony, nights like these would eventually feel mundane. Each night they'd be able to join their heartbeats without a single soul batting an eye, not having to sneak into some kind of dusty old storage room to do so. She would be able to touch him during dinner, resting a hand upon his thigh without the feeling of judgemental gazes following their every move. She wouldn't have to sneak back to that guestroom before the sun would rise, pretending like she was still getting to know her betrothed in an innocent, appropriate way while he had memorized her taste. Right now, she'd do everything to get that marriage through, even when her reasons were nothing but selfish.

Her lips curled into a smile when she looked up to him, noticing his shift in expression. Not so tough anymore, aren't we? The words were dying to escape from her lips, but her speech remained dormant as she tugged at his trousers, causing them to drop to his knees, giving her free access to her target. Something about making this man whimper and groan at her touch filled her with a feeling of euphoria. The reputation he'd built for himself in and around the castle had been quick to make itself known to her. And yet he now stood before her, cursing from under his breath as she made up for the fact that she couldn't give herself to him until they'd been wed, occasionally granting him a glance from her once tear stained eyes. Perhaps she was the only one in this castle, in this city, who could rule over him. Taming him with her touch and empty promises. Once she had considered them a mismatch, a fault in Lythrania's plans, but with time passing, she wondered if another match would've sufficed for both of them. Perhaps they were meant to share their lives as two, twisted individuals laughing in the face of tradition and law, all while bending over backwards to fit into that perfect picture regardless.

--------------------- MR. DELUXEEEEE. JAAJAAJAAA RAH. BEN EEN WEERWOLF. IK WORD GEK WANT DE MAAN DIE IS WEER VOL. JA IK SPANK OP DIE TANK TOT DIE TRIL KOMT. ---------------------

The sorceress groaned quietly as she got on her feet, her knees likely bruised from the hardwooden floor beneath her. Averting her gaze from his, she shook off the dust from the bottom of her dress before wiping the sleeve of her dress against her lips, acting as if this had been nothing but a mundane encounter. Finally, she met his gaze again, resting her hand atop the doorknob. "The hour is late," she simply announced. "They might get suspicious if we stay hidden any longer." The words tightened the knot in her stomach, knowing she'd have to endure another night sleeping alone when she craved nothing but his touch. Before she took her leave, however, she closed the distance between them once more, pressing her lips against his cheek for a brief moment. As she turned back towards the door she granted him one last look over her shoulder, her expression a strange mix of confusion and contentment. "See you tomorrow."

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

baby are you gonna please mebaby I think I am crazy

The most thrilling part of it all, was that it boiled down to this. Them, tangled up with each other in these kind of excluded places. They had been so careless before, just spending more time then they should in his chambers. Maybe there were already some people in the castle who had noticed something. A creak, a sound a bit to loud that should not be there in the night. Maybe somebody had seen Chaska sneaking through the halls, or spotted pieces of clothing at places they did not belong. But the risk of getting caught in this place, made it somehow more exciting still. How bold and stupid they were, and yet not even considering backing down. At least, not him. Not that he even could, while the eye-contact that Chaska held drove him wild.

All he could think about right now was that she made him feel things he probably did not deserve. And how embarrassing this might be, while he didn't have any substances to lower the bar of how shameless he could be. They didn't clash together with the usual anger. No, they had no argument to settle this time. This was just the need of relieving the tension that had been building up over the past few days. How quickly he had gotten used to the curves of her body, her smell, the taste of her lips and skin. How quickly he craved for more, and having to watch her during the day and remembering that those pleasures were over now. And without the help of wine to numb his mind, he still made bad decisions. She still managed to intoxicate him at different ways. How easy he had folded with only a touch. And as she managed to give him goosebumps all over and make the heat in his body raise over the edge. He couldn't help but have a small, content smile hanging on his lips, before they parted to release a shaking breath.

~~VIEZE PIEMELDINGEN VIEZE PIEMELDINGEN KADHALKSDH AAAAAAA I CAN'T HELP ME~~

Ezekiel fastened the buttons of his trousers quickly and tugged his shirt back beneath it, smoothing out the creases to create the illusion that nothing had happened between the both of them. He couldn't help but feel like they were just two naughty kids that just got away with some minor crime. He looked back up at her, still a little bit of that boyish, giddy expression on his face. And as she wiped her glossy lips, the smirk disappeared from his lips as his eyes narrowed again, looking her up and down. But as he did, he noticed her hand already on the doorknob. And before he could argue - which would probably be another unwise decision - she coolly said that the hour was late, that "they" would become suspicious. Ezekiel scoffed softly at those words. ‘‘Wouldn't they be happy that their match would be spending time together.’’ He inched closer to her again, but not far enough to breech the distance between them fully.

But Chaska clearly had made up her mind, as she almost hastily came over to him and pressed a peck on his cheek. It was the same gesture as before that had left him speechless and almost burned at the touch. But now it felt almost natural. Expect, nothing about this was normal, not the way the back of his hand grazed up her arm for a meager moment. He almost felt saddened by her sudden goodbye, even if it would be short-lived. They would see each other the next day, only their nights would be spend lonely once more.

The two of them shared another look as she looked over her shoulder, looking like she had planned for the both of them to leave separately, finding the ways to their chambers individually. However, before she could turn the nob, he moved over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. ‘‘You should at least listen if anybody is there before just waltzing out,’’ he commented with his eyebrows slightly raised. Moved next to her in the space next to the door and leaned against the wall with his shoulder. ‘‘To avoid suspicion,’’ he added his voice now lowered.

NC