In my restless dreams

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

He had been so confused, so out of it. The shock still hadn't left his body, but he managed. Every time when he woke up he had another panic attack, but Shyam was there every time to calm him down. He honestly felt so guilty every time because he had seen how the other didn't leave his side. This was his fault. It really brought him down and he barely even made the effort to communicate with the people around him. It was often that he zoned out, thinking back to that day, sometimes causing him to panic once more. And he hated it. Because it was just an endless loop. He could only imagine how tired Shy was. He never saw him sleep or do leave the room. He was always there, close to him, never letting him out of sight. But Myrddin knew that it was also a necessity for him right now. He needed the other just as much as his potions and magic right now. It was his most crucial lifeline. Perhaps not physically, but mostly for his mental wellbeing.

He had woken up just a bit ago, hyperventilating again as he had the same nightmare again. The pain overwhelming him once more when he had opened his eyes. And just like before, the other had carefully calmed him down. And Myr had clung onto him again, before finally letting go. He was pretty quiet after that, just looking around the room or out of the window when something grabbed his attention. Whenever the other would pass him by, he would gently reach out his hand and try to grab him. Just a soft touch whenever he was near. And that was enough. But he couldn't smile or even bring himself to sign anything at him. His hands were still trembling, but that honestly wasn't the main reason why he had such a hard time with it. It was something much deeper, something he didn't dare to share with anyone... Not yet, at least.

With some pain relief thanks to a potion, he felt himself get a bit more energetic. His sketchbook was neatly stacked next to his bed, where he could reach it whenever he wished to work with it. So, he eventually did. The man slowly turned the pages to a blank sheet of paper and used one hand to keep it upright while he let it rest on his chest. He blinked slowly, looking up and down from his page as he started to sketch. His lines were wobbly and not as good as he normally was, but that didn't matter. It was a distraction and that was all that mattered. His gaze going up and down to his subject for this piece; Shy who was sitting in the corner of the room. He always was such a nice model for paintings and drawings after all.

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

Word traveled fast among servants within the castle. The sorceress hadn't bothered to even ask about what happened, as the whispers throughout the halls had told her more than enough. Apparantly, the Governess' son had been attacked, but the question about who or what was responsible for it remained unanswered, until last night, that was.

She had been a guest within their home for a while now, and had been treated with nothing but kindness and respect. Especially the blonde had giver her a warm welcome upon the day of her arrival, telling her all about the city and their home when her betrothed struggled with that task. The least she could do was check up on him, make sure he was doing alright. No matter the strange circumstances, they remained to be family after all.

So there she stood in front of his bedroom door. A room she'd never assumed to set foot in. The sorceress shortly hesitated before knocking softly on his bedroom door. "Myrddin?" Her voice sounded a little uncertain. "It's me, Chaska," she continued, opening the door a little so her voice would be a little more recognisable. "Can I come in?" As soon as the question left her lips, she realized he wasn't actually able to answer her. Still, she wanted to give him a heads up before barging right in. Perhaps he was dressing himself, or sleeping. Though he was her cousin, he remained to be Aurelia's son, which made it harder for her to drop the formalities as swiftly as she did with Ezekiel.

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

When he looked back at Shyam, he noticed how his posture had changed. He must have dozed off at a certain point... The sight of the other sleeping made his gaze soften up as a very small smile went over his lips. He was happy to see he got at least a bit of rest. It must have been hard for him the past few days. And he knew the other would tell him that it was harder for him, because he was the one that was hurt. But Myrddin didn't care much for his own wellbeing. If anything, Shy's happiness was more important to him. So... The man took the opportunity to sketch the other in that cute position. Tilting his head sometimes to try and get a better angle. But it was hard to see it from any other point in his bed. Oh... Well... It was fine. He wasn't going to force himself to move, because that would cause a lot of pain again. And well... He was scared that the slightest whimper would wake him.

When he heard a knock on his door he looked up. He hadn't gotten a lot of visitors, so it surprised him. Little did he know that his guard had been taking his job extremely seriously by keeping company away from him. Not that he knew, he was mostly sleeping anyway. He could hear a voice, calling out his name. A woman's voice he didn't quite recognize. The owner of this voice waited a bit, before pushing the door ever so slightly open. She followed up by telling who she was, Chaska. Ah.... He blinked in surprise, as he had never expected her to come visit him. For a moment he looked over from the door to the corner of the room, where the dark-haired man still was sleeping. It surprised him that the sound hadn't woken him, but on the other hand... It was also confirmation how much the other needed this nap. So... When his cousin called out again, he let his gaze go back to his sketchbook.

The blond man softly ripped a piece of paper out of his book, writing down some wobbly words, before placing the pencil down next to him. Gently he folded the thing, one stroke at a time. His hands were still rather shaky, but at least he was able to shape it in the form he wanted. When he was done, he looked at his work; a small paper airplane. He grabbed it between his fingers, looking back at the door that was now slightly open... If he aimed just right... He held his breath, holding the thing next to his head... Holding it a bit back and- Gently threw it towards its destination.

The paper plane floated softly through the room, slowly losing momentum as it came closer and closer to the door. The last few inches it fell short and it came down with a soft sound. Myrddin tilted his head, not really sure if Chaska could have seen or heard the thing. There wasn't much else he could do after all... But if she did, she would find a message in his folded work. 'Please come in, but be quiet, someone's sleeping' Were the wobbly words he had written down for her. His eyes were fixated on the door as he waited for her. He was powerless to do anything else, but at least he had tried his best.

shed every skin that doesn't fit
even if they call you cold-blooded

She wondered if the young man even would even appreciate her visit. Chances were he would much rather rest in solitude, which she'd completely understand. Still, the girl felt obligated to show him but a glimpse of sympathy after staying within the castle he'd once inherit for so long.

It was taking quite some time for the man to form some sort of response. She knew he wasn't able to speak, so she carefully listened for any kind of noise that could indicate whether she was allowed in or not. The room remained silent, until she spotted something appearing in front of the door. It seemed to be a piece of paper, folded in a strange way. After a second of hesitation the sorceress kneeled down to have a closer look, gently unfolding it as she stood up. The words on the piece of paper weren't written down in the most gracious of handwritings, but she couldn't judge him too much within a situation like this.

Following his instructions the girl quietly opened a door after having a peak inside, quick to notice the sleeping figure he referred to. She had seen him roam within and around their home, but never exchanged a word with him. He seemed to have drowzed off on a chair close to the bed in which her cousin resided. The sorceress' gaze soon met that of her cousin, greeting him with an apologetic smile as she quietly stepped towards him.

The girl had no idea what to say or what to discuss. The only thing she came to do was to show sympathy towards a respected family member. "I overheard the guards," she started, her voice close to a whisper in order not to wake the other man. "Since all of you have been treating me kindly upon my arrival, I felt obligated to at least check up on my cousin." While she tried to step close enough for him to hear her whispers, she remained fairly distant, not wanting to be a bother to the recovering man. "How are you feeling?"

@ Ezekiel Vylasar

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

He blinked a few time when there was no real response. Would he really have to wake Shy..? It would be a shame if he had to. The man really needed his sleep as much as he could. But just as he thought she hadn't seen his note, her hand reached in. She took his work outside of the room and the blonde man tilted his head a bit as he pushed himself a bit more upwards. He tried to readjust his pillow a bit so he could sit more upright without straining himself too much. He honestly wasn't sure why Chaska was here. They didn't have any bond whatsoever, but he had had tried to make her feel welcome at every opportunity he had gotten. And even though he felt awful... And tired... He wouldn't start to be mean now. She most likely was just as confused as he was. Or even more so. A new place with a whole new future and before you knew it such a massive change occurred. Not that it would influence her all that much. She was supposed to be with Ezekiel or something, that was the man she was going to share her life with, not him. Ah... Perhaps she had already met with her husband to be. It could be a possibility... And the whole reason why she was here.

She quietly entered the room and Myrddin nodded at her when their gazes met. He was happy that she didn't storm in or made any real noise, it would mean that the man on the chair could remain asleep for a bit longer. She smiled at him and he just copied her, showing her a bit of... An awkward smile before averting his eyes. Focusing himself back on the book that still laid before him. It laid open on his latest work; the sketches of Shy in the chair. The blonde man lifted his hand, grabbing the pencil again and adjusting some lines he had scribbled earlier. The messy drawing wasn't like his usual work, but it did have some charm to it. It wasn't perfect, but that was fine... It was just something to pass the time after all.

As he sat there slowly continuing with his sketches, he listened to what she had to say. The guards hm? He paused for a moment, letting out a sigh. Dear Lythrana that was going to be something when he got back to work. That was if he ever got back to work. He clenched his jaw, immediately pushing away that dreadful thought. No... No... He was alright, this was alright. He was going to be okay. Chaska went on and he looked up from his work to look at her. obligation hm? It would seem that was a thing all the Vylasars shared with one another. Perhaps it really was something that one could inherit. The girl eventually asked him how he was feeling, a question that he had heard a lot by now.

He turned his head back to his sketchbook, turning the page so that he had a blank piece of paper to work with. He wrote down some letters, pushing the book a bit upwards and turning it to him. 'Tired' Was all there was written down. That basically summed it all up. He felt tired physically, but also emotionally... And mentally. He really had been drained by all the events of the past few days, or perhaps even weeks. He had been at a breaking point back in Moonbright... And he had thought that he had gotten a bit better thanks to Shy... But the incident had made him realize that those cracks had only become bigger. He couldn't even escape it in his dreams anymore. He put the book back down, writing once more before turning it towards her. 'You don't have to do or say things you don't want to, I won't tell my mother,' He knew it was all just an act anyway. Because it was an act on his end. It had been from the start. He had just been able to cover it all neatly up thanks to his familiar. If it hadn't been for her, he would most likely never had talked to the girl. Just a simple welcome, no tour whatsoever. It was already difficult enough for him, as a mute, to do basic things. So having to entertain a stranger... Well it wasn't really something one would call a blessing.

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

Perhaps it had been a stupid decision to visit her cousin, especially after the events of last night. She had tried her best to avoid the silver haired sorcerer today, mentally preparing herself for dinner, where she had to take her usual seat beside him as if nothing ever happened. Chances were that he'd be pissed as soon as word about her visit to Myrddin reached him, but part of her didn't want to care. He hadn't even bothered to tell her the whole story on how their cousin ended up here in the first place. Instead of pulling himself together and being honest with her, he had chosen the easy way out. Worst of all, he'd succeeded.

Her gaze fell upon the blonde man's sketchbook, scribbling down some lines which looked oddly familiar. It wasn't until she remembered the sight of the sleeping man in the chair beside them. The corners of her mouth turned into a faint smile as her cousin turned the page. She didn't imagine her cousin to be into art. He seemed so have quite the talent, though. Perhaps he and Deimos would get along, bonding over their art-related passion. Small things like these reminded her of how little she knew about those who she now shared a home with. Though, if last night hadn't endangered anything about the situation, she'd have enough time to get to know each and everyone of them during her time here.

"I can imagine," she whispered at the word he just scribbled down on the empty page. It was hard not to despise her betrothed for the damage he caused without knowing the story behind it. A story so unimportant or hard to say out loud, that bringing both of them and their arrangement in danger seemed to be the lesser evil. His next words surprised her, leaving her with a puzzled expression. Part of this visit had indeed been out of obligation. Another part out of rebellion towards Ezekiel, maybe. For the most part however, she had been curious about the wellbeing of the one family member who hadn't make her feel like an awkward stranger during her arrival.

Carefully she sat down at the edge of his bed, making sure not to crush his legs or touch any part of his recovering body. "Thank you," she quietly started, still watching the volume of her voice in fear of waking the sleeping man beside them. "But I did want to pay you a visit. No matter the situation, you remain to be my cousin," the sorceress continued, determined not to let her underlying feelings about Ezekiel's possible reaction be an influence on her decision. "I'd understand if you want me to leave, though." She could barelty imagine the strength and energy it would take to recover from such injuries. She had witnessed the blood on her betrothe's tunic herself, after all. "I just wanted to make sure to ask you if there's anything I can do to lighten the burden." It was the least she could do after sleeping with the one caused all of this like it was nothing.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

It was kind of cruel to see that a complete stranger would visit him first instead of his closest family. Besides from Shy, some maids and some of the guards, there hadn't been any real visits. Perhaps people thought him to be too sick and broken to receive anyone. Which was partially true. He was still exhausted, his body still struggling to do the most basic tasks. Yet, he had wanted to see people, especially ones he was close to. Ezekiel had tried, but his guard had forced him back out of the room. And now that his mind was clearer, he could understand why. However, back then, he couldn't. He had been upset and panicked, scared for what might happen to himself and the people around him. He had lost himself once more in a state that had become all too familiar to him. It was something he always woke up to, after all.

She spoke when he had written down that he was tired. Well yes. It was easier to just say he was exhausted than state in how much pain he really was. It would flip a conversation in an instant and just drive them both to go silent. And even though he wasn't too sure about her visit, he still somewhat appreciated it. Even if it was out of a sense of obligation for the mere fact that he had a high status. By the gods, he hated that, but there wasn't much he could do about it. SO eventually, he wrote down the thing that had been on his mind ever since she entered the room. He looked at her for a moment, seeing her expression shift as soon as she read it. Yea... He wasn't really in the mood or the state to really open up to her and show her that perfect man he was supposed to be. He was anything but and right now, broken, bruised and messed up while being bound to this bed... Well, even the greatest actor couldn't weasel his way out of a situation like this.

But she didn't walk away like he had suspected she would. Instead, she came closer, taking a seat on the corner of his bed. She looked over her for a moment, noting some bruising. Had she been in a fight as well? Or... Well, he didn't want to think what the other possibility could be, but it wouldn't be strange if that was the case. They were supposed to get married anyway. He just didn't want to- No... No... It was from fighting, just fighting. Oh no. oh nooo... Oh Lythrana.

She thanked him and he nodded at her slowly, not entirely sure why she was thanking him. Maybe because now, she could open up, be honest with herself towards him. She eventually went on to state that she did want to visit, because he was her cousin. He nodded slowly, more hesitantly now, at her. She was perhaps the only one from far away family that would think like this. It made him wonder how much of her reactions and responses from their first meeting had been actually genuine or not. Maybe they actually had been, and she was actually worried, a nice person and all. He wanted to believe it, of course he did, but it was hard to push through such things when his mind had been racing about all kinds of manners. He had always been a bit of the distrusting type, after all. Even if he didn't let that be seen or known, he kept a lot to himself. All because he felt like he couldn't share his issues with the people around them. There was no-one that could really understand them like he did, anyway.

She told him that she would understand if he wanted her to leave, something that caused him to look at her once more. It would be better for Shy if she did, but he also really liked the company she had brought... SO... He gently shook his head as he shot her a tiny smile. No, it was fine, but it was sweet that she thought about it at least. She then went on to ask if there was anything she could do to lighten the burden... The burden, hm? He frowned slowly, looking back at his book as his mind started to put some pieces together. Was there something he could ask her that he couldn't ask of Shy? Yes, there was one thing. But he wasn't too sure if he should do it. He didn't want to make the dark-haired man even more worried about him then he already was. He had already gotten a lot over him already. So maybe- some relaxing time away could be good for him...? Maybe...

His eyes went to the sleeping man for a second, before he looked back at his book, slowly lifting his hand as he started to write. 'Ezekiel and I need to talk about what happened,' He wrote down, tilting the book somewhat towards her. 'I'm worried about him and honestly scared of what is going to happen to him now,' he paused for a moment as he looked at the ceiling for a second. He had to really think about this carefully... 'This is all my fault, but I can't help but feel like everyone ~~will~~ is blaming him and I don't want that,' Ah- Yes, that was just how he thought about it all. 'His name is Shyam, he's my personal guard,' he wrote down next, nodding towards the man that was sleeping. 'Shy has been by my side since the accident, he's been worried sick and doing everything around here,' Yea, the man must be exhausted as well. 'I don't think he would allow me to speak with Ezekiel, which is understandable,' He didn't need to write out why that was. 'I'm worried for the both of them, you see, and I can't do anything about it because I'm stuck here,' And one hated the other, well, they most likely hated one another. Because Ezekiel was the kind of person to just have a general dislike for people who didn't align with his views right away.

After he had written down everything, he paused, putting his pencil down as he sighed. His hand slowly rubbing against his face. Now that he had put it down on paper, it became clear how much he couldn't do while being so limited in his movements. As if it wasn't hard enough that he couldn't speak. Now he had to add that to the mix as well. But well, life was cruel like that...

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

While the room remained to be silent apart from the moments she'd whisper to him, the silence wasn't as haunting as the one between her and Ezekiel. Perhaps it was because she didn't expect him to answer in a way other than the scribbles on paper, knowing about his condition. Unlike Myrddin, her betrothed could actually speak, he just chose not to. Overall, the blonde had been a much nicer person to be around, and still she couldn't help but to let her mind wander back to that night between her and the silver haired sorcerer.

Her cousin shook his head at her offer, granting her a faint smile. The sorceress politely returned the gesture. Perhaps she, for once, made the right choice to pay the blonde man a visit, even though she risked a scolding from her betrothed if he were to find out. Pfft, he could stick that scolding up his ass. If she wanted to visit the cousin which he'd injured in the first place she wouldn't wait for permission.

She followed his gaze towards the sleeping guard, reminding her to keep her voice down, before her attention was caught by the scribbling of words once more. This time however, more and more words appeared on the paper. The sorceress squinted her eyes in her best attempt to read them not that they appeared a lot smaller. She kept quiet, waiting for him to finish writing every single sentence down before coming up with a reply, slowly nodding at some of them.

The story written down was quite a lot to process. Her gaze shifted towards Shyam, now understanding why he had fallen asleep during his guarding duty. She couldn't blame him. The sorceress sighed, shifting her gaze back to her lap on which her hands folded into eachother. "It's not your fault, Myrddin. Ezekiel should have known better." Though merely a whisper, her voice sounded bitter as she pronounced his name. To be honest, she didn't even know if he had been the one to blame, seeing he had never told her anything about what exactly took place that afternoon. She had witnessed his blood covered tunic, however, and he certainly hadn't been the one ending up with severe injuries like these. Instead, he seemed to have plenty of energy left for other matters. With that in mind, she couldn't help but to blame him for her cousin's situation.

She let her eyes gaze over the words written down once more, trying her best to come up with a fitting solution. To be honest, she kind of understood where the guard was coming from, that he didn't want Ezekiel near the heir. This whole situation could cost the poor man his job, after all. "Are you sure you want to speak to him?" She sought out the blonde's gaze once more, her expression turning into slightly concerned look. It felt weird to question the governess' son, but for some reason she managed to get sucked up in this confusing situation, and now she had to face the consequences. "I don't mean to question your judgement, but perhaps Shyam is right." She chose her words carefully, not meaning to offend him in any way. She barely knew this family, after all. She had been a mere outsider until now. "Though, if you truly wish to speak to him, I'm sure we can figure something out." Her voice softened even more, in hopes not to wake the sleeping guard, especially by going against his wishes.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

She let her read his story out while his eyes wandered to the guard sleeping, to the window... Back to her. It was a lot to process, he knew that much, so he let her take her time. It felt weird to put it all down, ask someone for help regarding an issue that had been lingering in this family for years now. Never had he thought to ask his future wife for help. Nor had he thought that he would get along with the girl. But the fact that she was willing to stay and put effort into reading everything, told him that she cared. He wasn't sure if it was about Ezekiel, this family or him, but she did. She seemed to have a sort of fragility to her, something he had noticed the first time he saw her as well. It made him worried about her future with his brother. Because, in many ways, he knew that he could be soft and caring. But that was all hidden behind a layer of anger and denial. There was no way it was going to be easy nor pretty to get past that. He pitied her, he really did. Because compared to her husband to be, she seemed like one to try and make things better. She didn't belong here. This place would ruin her, and he already knew who was going to be the cause of it. But it wasn't his place to state his concern for her situation. Not how they were right now. They were still strangers after all and all he did was assume from the little time they had spent together. For all he knew, she had fallen head over heels for the other. And maybe it could help Ezekiel finally become a better person. Or nudge him in that direction. Someone to get him out of that thick head of his. It would be quite a task; he knew that much. Because in a lot of ways, they were similar. He knew all too well how stubborn he was, because he was stubborn too. Sometimes, things really could only be viewed from an outside perspective.

The first thing she said, was that it wasn't his fault. He looked at her, lifting his brows a bit. Well... The other should have known better. Well, he should have known better as well. He was supposed to be the head of this family one day and if he let situations escalate like they had done that day, it would mean that the Vylasar would crumble faster than anything seen before. He didn't want to go down in history as the man who had ruined it all. He really didn't. He couldn't be a failure. He had sworn not to be. Even though he had been born one, he wouldn't submit to it. He shook his head slightly, indicating that he wasn't completely seeing eye to eye with her on that statement. Yes, Ezekiel should have known better, but it should have all started with him. If he had been better, then the other didn't need to change or be a better person or whatever people thought about him now. The silver haired man needed more time anyway. They weren't going to crack his case in a night. And that was quite ironic. Because when it came back to him, he only expected the best. He couldn't have made any faults, there was no time to learn from them or even allow them. His issues were nothing compared to those of others.

Chaska decided to read over the words again, speaking once more when she was done. He nodded instantly when she asked if he was sure. He was more than sure; he knew this had to happen. He didn't know how much time they had, but it had to. Before everything would be too much and he would have to meet the consequences of his actions. Myrddin was trying his best to compensate for it, had been doing his best to push his body back to its original state, but there was only so much one could do with broken bones. The girl went on, however, to state that perhaps Shyam was right. His expression shifted a bit when his name was dropped, his eyes slowly moving to the guard. He loved the other, more than anything else he had ever loved. And he would do anything for him, would move mountains for him if he so asked of him. But he couldn't let his request be just that; for he had a job to fulfil. Not only as an heir or captain, but as a brother. As he looked at the dark-haired man he held his breath, feeling his heart ache as he really didn't want to go against his wishes. It was such a duality, but he couldn't... He couldn't just let it be. Besides... Everything that had happened was a wake-up call. He had to stop being a coward. No more... Turning his back to the problem. And no more running away like he had done a couple of weeks ago. Starting now.

When Chaska spoke again, he looked back at her. His eyes softened up when she told him they would figure something out. We...? As in the both of them? He blinked in surprise, a pleasant one that much was for sure. He hadn't anticipated this after she had spoken of her disapproval of what he wanted. And as he looked over his face, the corner of his mouth turned up, slowly nodding at her. She wasn't so bad now. His eyes slowly wandered back to his book as he started to write once more; 'Ezekiel is my brother. I know he can be difficult, but I would never leave him behind,' A small smile appeared on his face as he continued to write. 'All I want is a chance.' A chance to speak with him. A chance to offer him his apologies. A chance to show him that he loved him... Cared for him. A chance to have his brother back.

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

Communicating with her cousin was harder than she expected now that his celestial bird wasn't there to voice his thoughts. She couldn't do anything but read his expressions and wait for him to write down his thoughts on the paper. It must've been hard for him growing up with this condition, before the bird had been there to serve as his voice, though she had noticed him and Ezekiel using strange handsigns. Perhaps he'd found another way to communicate. A way she, her siblings and her parents had never been taught.

The blonde nodded at her question, seemingly eager to speak to the silver haired summoner. She bit the inside of her cheek as her gaze shifted towards the sleeping man beside them. As Myrddin's guard he probably didn't want to take risks considering the situation between the two and she couldn't blame hin. She didn't know Ezekiel the way Myrddin knew him, that was certain, but in the short time she spent with him she assumed him to be quite the unpredictable man. Though, if the blonde wished to speak to their cousin, she couldn't to anything but trust his judgement.

To her surprise she was met with a smile after offering her help, forcing the corners of her own lips to curl upwards in response. Perhaps the Governess' son wasn't as intimidating as she thought he'd be. After seeing his reaction, her worries about her betrothed's reaction were pushed to the back of her mind. He had brought this situation upon himself, so if he were to blame her for visiting their cousin he'd only make a fool out of himself. So far the blonde man before her had been more courteous than he had been. Perhaps he could even learn a thing or two from the cousin he decided to beat up.

The sorceress tilted her head as his pen met the paper once more as her brow furrowed at the words appearing, wondering how he could speak so highly about the man when he had been the sole reason he was bedridden right now. "He may praise himself lucky with a brother who still speaks highly of him," she responded, granting him a warm smile while her tone of voice betrayed her doubts about the silver haired man. "I assumed him to be quite the difficult man indeed," she then admitted, having to get her frustration out of her system towards someone, anyone, now that her brother had been busy getting to know his own betrothed. "Inviting him over shouldn't be much of an obstacle, but are you truly sure you'll be fine?" Her stomach turned at the thought of the silver haired sorcerer hurting the blonde once more, this time because she let him. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

In a situation like this he fell back in that horrible childhood. Where he was so vulnerable and weak for the handicap he was born with. No way of communicating with his peers... It had always been nearly impossible to make friends. But that wasn't so strange for him. He had always been a bit of an odd one out. Back then he had just been friends with Ezekiel. And the two of them would get into trouble, figure out ways to make things clear to one another and just... Play. And they didn't need anyone else. Sure, they had been forced into a lot of different... Well 'duties' from a young age. But before all of their tasks became the main event of their days, they had just been two boys. And it didn't matter that one was seen as a bastard and the other was broken since birth. Because in the eyes of a child that sort of things didn't really matter, not when such friendships were formed. It had been so long ago now. Such a long time ago.... He barely remembered those times... And it was bittersweet to know that the other most likely didn't remember them either. The only thing still holding on from that time was those silly little signs they had created to talk with one another. A memory of the past that would forever be ingrained in his life. A reminder of when things were... Simpler.

He hated writing down his words, but he had to. Chaska couldn't read his signs, nor could he summon his familiar to make the conversation go smoother. He had to put in extra effort to make his thoughts be known. But it would seem that the woman was a patient one, something he was certainly grateful for. Because... It was already hard enough for him to show this side of him. This was his lowest point. Not only mentally, and not only physically, but in general. Rendered completely mute, immobile, stripped away of the smallest control he had of his life. It would have a long lasting impact on him, that much was for sure. But he wasn't yet aware of that, sadly. He didn't want to look forward to that future, not yet at least. He knew what kind of things would happen then... And he feared for the people around him. For Shyam, for Ezekiel... For everyone in this castle. And once again he was powerless to do anything about it. He was just... So desperate to have any type of control back over his life. Any grip on that stupid little destiny of him. He really was such a dumb man.

Chaska read the things he had written down for her. And she replied shortly after. The sorceress stated that he was lucky to have a brother that would state such things. And... Those words struck deep. They felt so... Weird. And they came in such a weird way that he had to avert his eyes. Her kind smile- It was a gentle thing. Her words were so too. But the way she said it almost made him choke up. He could feel tears burn behind his eyes almost in an instant and he- He wanted to cry out. To actually hear that.. It just... Hit different compared to paper. Written and spoken words, they didn't come close to one another. He could pour his entire heart and soul onto this paper, pick out the most complex and deep words his mind could come up with... But it would still be just a piece of paper. It only held itself if it was read. And even if it was, it would never come across as those spoken words. Filled with emotion, with such truth. Never had he thought he would completely crumble under the mention of such things. For such a stupid little word. Man, he was getting soft.

Chaska went on and the blonde man listened, but his mind was working overtime trying to keep his emotions in check. He was fine, really. He had to be. He couldn't cry out, not again. Because it would wake Shy for sure. And if he woke up, he would ask questions about what had upset him. And the answers to that were quite simple, since there really was just one person that could break him so. The sorcerer took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to collect himself. Lifting his hand slowly to wipe away some tears that had fled his eyes. Come on now, he was fine... Right? It was just something stupid anyway. Brother. Man, he always repeated that word in his head. But it would seem it had quite the impact on him now. Or maybe it was just for the simple fact she didn't correct him to cousin. It was... A weird mixture of emotions. Feelings or some sort of loss, as well as genuine happiness. Confirmation for such a stupid thing... How stupid he was.

He nodded slowly when she finished up, asking him if he would be fine. He lifted his hand slowly, signing that he was okay in a swift motion. But he caught himself quite rapidly and a smile curled on his lips as he looked back at her. Ah... Stupid habits. His grey eyes went back to the sketchbook as he took a deep breath, slowly pulling it in more so he could write once more. 'Of course I'll be fine,' He wrote down. 'It's mu duty to be fine, as both a captain and heir,' He bit his lip as his pencil finished up those words. His eyes scanning that title over and over. He sighed, slowly pulling the item back over them as to scribble them out. '~~both a captain and heir~~ as his brother,' He smiled gently as he finally turned the book a bit more towards his cousin, looking up at her. Although that smile was still placed on his lips, his gaze carried a subtle bittersweet hue. He still wasn't completely over what she had said. This whole incident really had broken him apart.... And he was desperately trying to claw the pieces together. Just so that he wouldn't collapse in on himself. His lowest point...

The man averted his eyes back to the back, turning the page as he started to write down some more words. He was done pretty quickly and turned the thing towards her once more. 'And please don't be too hard on him,' was written on the paper. 'He's been through enough already,' And he deserved a break. Both of them did. But in his eyes, Ezekiel did more. Especially after how he had snapped at him. The aftermath of the accident would be a burden to him for months to come, if not years. And even if he decided to not let carry out too much on himself, the people around him would. Learn and forgive... By the gods they had to learn and forgive. Because... How would they ever be better if they never did such things?

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

The way she had to squint her eyes to be able to read her cousin's words worried her, once again confronted with her inevitable fate. At times like these she sometimes wished to have been born blind instead, not having to be confronted with everything she'd miss out on when her illness finally would manage to devour her. Perhaps she'd still have a chance. Perhaps the white streaks within her hair would just stop appearing one day, leaving her eyesight as it was right now. A stupid way to cope, really. Believing in miracles which never once presented herself for her.

Absently she had sunk her teeth within the inside of her cheek, when a sudden shift in the blonde's position caused her to look up, noticing him wiping away tears she hadn't noticed. The knot within her stomach tightened, wondering if she had been the one to upset him like this. Maybe she should've just left him be, instead of desperately wanted to go against the silver haired sorcerer's wishes and visit their cousin. "..Myrddin?" Her voice remained quiet, her expression a mixture of surprise and worry as she moved a little closer towards him. "M- my apologies, I didn't mean to-" She was interrupted by a swift sign of his hand, one that made her tilt her head in confusion. She'd noticed him and Ezekiel using similar signs before, clueless about what they meant. Perhaps it was their way of speaking with eachother without the use of Myrddin's familiar.

With furrowed brow she raised her hand, awkwardly attempting to copy the sign and try to understand the meaning behind it, before turning his gaze back to him as she was met with a smile. Her lips curled into an apologetic smile of her own as she rested her hand on her lap once more. "I probably screwed that up, didn't I," she admitted, looking over to him as he started writing something down once more. The sorceress brigdged the distance between them a little more, inhopes of being able to read the words without struggle.

It became easier to read the words now that she sat beside him, rather than on the opposite end of the bed, letting her eyes scan over the paper as he wrote. She noticed his hesitation at the second sentence as her gaze shifted between his and the sketchbook in front of him, watching him scratch a few words out of the sentence and replacing them. The sorceress softly scoffed at the sight. Ezekiel truly was a lucky man, having his brother speak this high about him even after putting him in this position. "I see," she replied, a faint smile danced around her lips as she looked back at him. "Though even brothers need a break sometimes." She didn't know whether that advice was truly meant for her cousin rather than herself. She and Deimos had always been joined at the hip, inseparable ever since their arrangements forced them to. Perhaps he, too, needed a break from his ever growing worries about his little sister and the illness which was quick to catch up on her.

Her gaze shifted back towards the sketchbook as he continued writing. Slowly but surely she was getting used to this type of communication. Now that she had moved closer, the words weren't as hard to read anymore. The silence in between her sentences was rather comfortable, compared to the heated atmosphere between her and Ezekiel. As if he was reading her thoughts, his next words were soon to mention the silver haired sorcerer while the smile faded from her lips. Don't be too hard on him? If anything, it had been quite the opposite. The rough rythm of his touches and the feeling of her skin between his teeth still managed to occupie her thoughts. The sorceress scoffed at the paper, trying to find the right words to respond. "Believe me, I've tried," she replied, her voice grown to be a lot more vulnerable than before. She didn't know how far she could open up the blonde, especially concerning matters about their cousin. Myrddin would be quick to take his side regardless of how Ezekiel would treat her. "I don't think he appreciated my attempt at a gentle approach." Last night had been a perfect example to conclude that he didn't.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

In the corner of his eye he noticed how she was slightly squinting at the text he presented her. Was she not able to read it properly? It wasn't as if they were far apart so.... Either she couldn't read well, or her eyesight was much worse than anticipated. He blinked slowly as he looked at her from the corner of his eye, observing her almost. His grey eyes going over her face, before finally going to her odd hair colour. It was a mixture of dark and white, which wasn't natural in any way. He hazd never heard of anyone carrying such colours. Only when it came to illusion magic. But as far as he knew, this was her natural hair. Another piece to the odd puzzle she was. Squinting eyes and dual coloured eyes. By the gods, she wasn't sick, was she? He slowly blinked, averting his eyes at the thought. Swallowing away the lump that had formed in his throat as that thought passed his mind. He had to hold himself back not to reach for it, as he was immeadiately reminded of his own shortcomings. HIs own handicap and, as some would call it, illness. He really wondered if they seemingly struggeled with the same demons. Perhaps more similar then one would think...

The mention of the word brother did things to him he honestly didn't want to. But in his unstable and fragile state it was just a thing that happened. And it was a nice change of pace to see compassion in an others way of speaking or simply being. Chaska was really different from the other people that had visited him over the past few days, or perhaps even years... Usually met by brutal formality and cold eyes, it was... Somewhat otherworldly to see such fleeting kindness. It made him worry, for such souls usually didn't last long within these walls. He was proof of it. Broken down and beaten over and over, both in a mental and physical sense, there was hardly much left of that sweet boy he had once been. But now that he was at the end of his own limits, it was all he had left to offer. He was tired and he couldn't hold up that mask anymore. He couldn't keep pretending. He was no golden heir, no perfect man that his family oh so desperately tried to put together. He was simply Myrddin. Nothing more, nothing less.

He saw how she tried to immitate the sign and he looked at her, how she did. It wasn't how it was supposed to go and... He had to hold back a chuckle as she was now asking for something to be okay, but more a suggestive something. So a soft smile curled on his lips as he averted his eyes. He only hoped she wouldn't make that sign to Ezekiel, as such words could escalate into something else. So when she spoke, he looked back at her, lifting his brows a bit as he nodded ever so slightly. He didn't want to put her down, as her effort was sweet, but with such a fine tuned language as the signs that he and his brother had created, it really was just a matter of inches and speed and the whole sign could have a different meaning. It wasn't as easy as just speaking words. Well- Not that he would know. He had never spoken a word in his life. But if he were to be normal, he imagines it would be easier. He liked to believe it would. Yea... That would be nice.

Chaska came closer and the blonde man looked at her, their shoulders almost touching as she leaned in to read the words. He looked at her face once more, observing her features before staring back at her odd hair. It was rude to keep looking, but in so many ways he couldn't look away. It was at a moment like this that he could understand people that stared at him. It was something you didn't see everyday, so you just... Kept on looking. But Myrddin knew the feeling all too well and looked back at his book. She spoke and he simply smiled at her words. If only she knew how long they had been on a break from eachother. Avoiding one another, being in mere contact. The only real conversations they had were hatefilled, things to push eachother out of line ever so slightly. Just to get under the others skin. In so many ways they were one and the same. For now the young man remained silent about it, though, simply nodding at her in agreement. She... Didn't need to know how long this actually had been going on. A lot of things that had happened between him and Ezekiel still remained for only the both of them to know.

He couldn't help but chuckle when she spoke again on his request. His eyes going to her as he looked at her for a moment. That smile remaining on his face as he nodded. And after just a few seconds, he focused back on the book in front of him. 'Gentleness isn't really a thing for him, I think,' he wrote down. 'Well, it is, I think, but not head on,' Because that was what he was, a man with layers. And that outer one was the thoughest to crack. He was hardy, stubborn, hatefull, angry. Everything ugly the sun had under her. And yet, despite the fact that that had been all that he had shown him through the past years, he still saw that below that was something else. Because... he had been like that many years ago. When he had been pushed to his limits, all alone, with no-one to fall back on. And when they had even cracked that wild and untamed side of him, he had let them be. Hanging his head low so that he could just have a minute for himself.

He put his pencil back down, slowly raising his hands as he did the sign once again. Doing the motion slowly this time, he did it a few times over. In many ways he actually made it much more extravagent then need be, but this was how he had taught Shy as well. Slowly and with big flashy movements. After he had done it a couple of times he looked at her, nodding at her hands for a moment before gently leaning a bit more towards her. His hands slowly grabbing hold of hers. For a moment he stopped, looking down at his hands for a moment. They looked quite big compared to hers, a reminder of how fragile she really was as well. That lingering thought creeping back up on him, but he quickly shook it off. His fingers closed around hers as he softly guided her hands up. And as they were intertwined he tried to guide her to do the sign, giving her all the freedom to pull away or move in her own way, but slightly pushing on so that she could do it well this time. Gentle and slow, a smile curling on his lips as he looked on to the scene. Maybe he could be a teacher one day...

Lost in thoughts, guiding her as much as he could, he hadn't noticed that he had put his weight more towards her side of the bed. Leaning in to every motion, he had almost forgotten how unstable he was due to his broken body. And as on queue, gravity reminded him. The pull of it tugging him towards the ground as he lost balance due to one big movement he did with her. His weight going towards her as his eyes widened, slipping onto her as he... Well... He fell on her. Quickly, as a reflex, he put his hands upwards to catch himself in the fall. With a thud he came down on top of her, forcing her to come with him... And when he opened his eyes again, he flinched. Their lips touching as they were now both on the ground. His elbows on each side supporting his upper body as his legs were still lifted upwards, still remaining on the bed. His face flushed red in an instant as he pulled back swiftly, pushing himself up by using his arms, but flinching by the pain jolting through his body. Dammit.

she wears strength and
darkness equally well

The corners of her mouth turned upwards at his approval, though, when her assumption about screwing up the sign was confirmed with a slight nod of his head, her smile turned into a rather apologetic one. She appreciated how subtle he remained, though. She had no idea how long it took for him and her betrothed to study a language as complicated. One's hand could only make a small set of motions, she assumed. With almost an infinite amount of words to speak, she wondered how that would work. "Well, I'll just have to pray to Lythrana that I didn't just cuss you out then," the sorceress joked, an attempt to hide her embarrassment.

With now little distance between them, it became a little easier for her to read his writing. Yet, she remained to struggle. She could feel his gaze burn into her skin as her eyes scanned the pages of his sketchbook, causing her to fidget the fabric of her dress in between her fingers as she squinted her eyes to read te words. Was he judging the pace of her reading? The thought only made it harder for her to focus, slowing her down even more. This was the exact reason for abandoning her reading hobby. Even when nobody would be watching, the way the words seemed to mock her through the pages would frustrate her to the point of giving up entirely.

Though she appreciated the way he spoke about their cousin, she couldn't repress a scoff at his following words. "I have yet to experience it," she blurted out, startled by her own choice of words as soon as they'd been spoken. Ever since her arrival at the castle she'd felt comfortable in the prescence of the blonde. Perhaps a little too comfortable, seeing how she started to blurt out thoughts about her betrothed that she shouldn't be sharing with the man he considered his brother. No matter what, Myrddin would stick up for him, and she couldn't blame him. She'd do the same for Deimos, no matter how much trouble he'd manage to work himself into. Perhaps that was the thing about family; They'd look out for one another, even when the whole world seemed to be against them.

And maybe that was exactly what he was doing as he raised his hand, showing her the sign once more in a much slower and refined motion this time. The sorceress smiled at the sight, giving him her full attention as she tried to memorize the movement down to every detail. When he nodded towards her hands, assumingly offering her to try again, she politely declined by shaking her head. She didn't want to risk insulting him again by butchering the language. Though, before she could open her mouth to explain that to him, she caught off guard by the sudden touch of his hands against hers, hesitating for a brief moment before intertwining her fingers with hers. Heat flushed to her cheeks by the sudden change in intimacy, words stuck in her throat as she allowed him to lead her.

It wasn't as if she was uncomfortable, allowing him to teach her the motion as he guided her with a smile. It didn't feel as if he meant anything other with the gesture than to teach her. Properly. Yet she caught herself glancing over at the door, her heart racing in her throat at the thought of Ezekiel walking in at the scene. The sight of his betrothed sitting atop his brother's bed, hands intertwined with little distance between them, the whole scene could easily give off the wrong impression.

Lost in thoughts, she hadn't been able to pay as much attention to her signing lesson as she would've liked. Not until she was brought back to reality with a sudden shift in position from a bigger motion worked her to the ground. A high pitched shriek escaped through her lips seconds before the impact of her back against the floor as the weight of the blonde crashed into her. Luckily he was able to break the fall using his elbows, refraining the entirety of his weight from falling on top of her. It all happened so swiftly. It took her a brief moment before she dared to open her eyes which had been squeezed shut at the impact, only to find herself in a situation which managed to speed up her heartbeat, her face as red as the blood that had stained her dress and lips last night. When she decided to pay him a visit, she hadn't considered ending up with his lips pressed against hers.

Myrddin was the first to pull back, the color of his face matching hers as she stared at him with widened eyes, the sensation of his lips against hers lingering. The sorceress tried to find the words to apologize, but remained silent as she parted her lips, not able to form a single sentence as she tried to process what had just happened. However, the sight of her cousin flinching in pain was quick to sweep those feelings of embarassment under the table, leaving her with a gut wrenching feeling of pity as she realized how painful the fall must've been. "Myrddin?" she gasped. "A-are you ok?" The words came out anxiously as she tried to free herself from the weight on top of her, not sure on how she was supposed to get this man back on the bed. Using all of her strength she tried to push him upwards, lifting his upper body back on to the bed where his broken legs remained, a groan pushing through her lips as she did. Only now could she feel the soreness of her body, assumingly a result from last night. But she couldn't complain. She hadn't been the one with broken legs, tied to her bed. She just hoped the blonde still had enough strength to pull himself up as she pushed him away from her. If not, she would have to wake his sleeping guard and face the consequences of her unsolicited visit.

the girl has always been
half goddess half hell

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

Chaska didn't feel like the overly social person, but she sure as hell knew how to keep a situation light and going. Not extroverted, but she knew what she was doing. She had enough experience, or so it would seem. She was also the kind of person where you could let your guard down. Myrddin had always been a bit of a sensitive person when it came to social interactions, always avoiding the more obnoxious and loud people in a room. He really wasn't built to be the center of attention either. Sure, he loved it when people could see his work or see him preform. But as soon as that shifted to a speech or something that came close to it, he just completely shut down. Even one on one, when that click wasn't there, he just couldn't force himself. On many levels he was an open book. He had just started to master the ways of masking how he really felt. Although, he had done a pretty good job at hiding a lot of things in his life. It was just this little incident that finally made that mask crumble a bit. By the gods, he couldn't afford it to shatter. Because he damn well knew that the world out there wouldn't like the real him.

He smiled gently at her comment. Keeping the mood light and pleasant, it was a nice change of pace from his other visits, that much was for sure. Everyone that had visited so far had resulted in scolding, or another fight... Or just simply bad things. Yet, he had Shy by his side, which was enough to at least hush the whole situation a bit. The man protected him on more than just a physical level. And he knew the passion and wat he treated him was more than just obligation to his job. The feelings the two shared for one another was way... Way more. But that was their little secret. And they could only hope that people didn't take note of how aggressive Shyam had been for those past few days, protecting him and being by his side as if his life depended on it. A normal guard wouldn't be like this, even he could agree to that. He could take shifts with other men, but he didn't. And Myrddin was forever grateful for that, as he simply didn't want anyone else by his side. The many sketches in his book betrayed how much he looked at him, as if the subtle glances every now and then wouldn't give it away.

Myrddin had a hard time talking badly about his brother. Normally he was quite the critical person, voicing his concerns out loud, sometimes without much regard of how the other might feel. But when it came to Ezekiel, he was gentle and somewhat careful by what he said. Not because he was scared, because before the incident he had never felt... Terrified of him. In a way the other had his respect, a rare thing when it came to the blonde. And perhaps that was the reason why he wrote so calmly about him. Giving things away, but not too much. Still sheltering the things that they had shared with eachother in privacy. Things that would most likely be ever known by anyone else. And they knew each other perfectly, but neither of them would ever admit to it. But where they wouldn't admit, they surely would act on it. And when Chaska spoke, he simply smiled at her for a moment. A bittersweet smile that indicated he understood what she meant. She would see, eventually. The silver haired man was a hard person to love and appreciate. But it was all worth it in the end. Or maybe he was biased because of their history together... Just maybe.

Afterwards, Myrddin started to show her how she could do the sign. He gently guided her hands, smiled at her and just showed her what he did. He barely noted how flushed she was, the expression on her face as well as the general shift in intimacy the both were sharing. It barely passed his mind that this could be seen as something else. If he had done this with Shy, he sure as hell would have been more stressed than he was now. He was relaxed right now, as if was second nature to do this. JUst helping out a friend and showing her how things were done. Nothing more, nothing less. And it never, ever, passed his mind that he should be careful with things like this. Being so close, these gentle touches, the way he just expressed himself. Oh how far more back could be in this closet.

But then they lost balance and the young heir fell atop of her as they both collapsed to the floor. The blonde quickly brought his arms up, using the upper part to keep himself up and not put his weight on her too much. His elbows caught most of the fall and ached as soon as they hit the ground. But it wasn't the only thing that caused his body to send out signal after signal of pain to his brain. And he clenched his jaw shut as the woman below him let out louder noises. He tried to refrain, use his muscles to keep this accident from escalating further. But the way he moved himself, the angle his legs were at now... Well, it caused him to shiver ever so slightly from the increasing pain that was rushing over his body. And where others might have been shocked by the fact that their lips were touching, he was more focused on other things. Feeling slightly awkward, but quickly closing his eyes again as soon as he pulled away. Keeping himself together as much as he could. By Lythrana this was everything but pleasant.

He was embarrassed of what had happened, but it all seemed so little next to what he was feeling. And he laid there, legs still partly on the bed as he pushed his body upwards with his arms so he wouldn't fall on her. It was hard, because he was still weak from what happened only a day ago. The slight shiver that rolled over him was more than enough evidence for that. When he heard his name, he slowly opened his eyes. Looking at her with a frowned expression as he bit his lip a bit, everything to refrain from whimpering out. She asked if he was ok and he slowly shook his head, not going to lie in a situation like this. It would only be counterproductive after all. The woman tried her best, however, as she helped him by pushing him up as well. After a few seconds of this, however, he lifted on hand of the floor and waved at her, shaking his head as he took a deep breath. No... No... Stop, this wasn't going to work. He would have to try another way. But first she had to get up properly...

As soon as he saw her standing up, he went through his arms. Gently lowering his body on the floor as he let out a soft groan, pushing himself slightly, his entire body ached as soon he did. His eyes widened as he let out a pretty loud noise from his lips. Soft pitched, as most of his noises were, but noisy. It was quickly followed by him collapsing in on himself and letting out a soft whimper. His arms shivering as he covered his face slightly. It felt as if he was body was being torn open again. Oh by the gods let it stop.