Two ghosts

For once, on this particular morning, he had felt more sober than he had been in a long time. He had wanted to reach for his bottle of rum again, but it had been empty. But, instead of getting up to grab another one, or stealing one from the kitchens, he was met with his door quietly opening. His dark eyes looked up to see who it was, only to find his daughter waiting for him to say if she could come in. He smiled softly at her and got up a little, patting on the bed and allowing her to sit next to him.

”I miss mommy,” She said, slowly making her way up to him before he was able to take her into his arms. He grabbed her and held her firmly against his chest, feeling the sadness, again, take hold of him. But instead of grabbing for the bottle, he was now holding his daughter and needed to deal with it, instead of washing his feelings away in the blink of an eye. It had been a year ago, but he was still clearly hurt by everything that had happened. And instead of letting things go, he couldn’t, for he still had to face the ghost of wife every single day. Even now, she was looking at him holding their daughter while he seemed to be staring at an empty wall.

He softly pulled back a little bit, trying his hardest to keep himself together and give his daughter a smile. Softly his hand moved through her ginger hair in a consoling kind of way. ”Come, let’s go outside hm.” He said, taking her up and putting her down on the ground again before he grabbed a vest to cover his blouse.

With his daughter in his arms he eventually walked outside into the gardens, and immediately he took a deep breath. He had to force himself not to think about taking another bottle with him, because he didn’t want to abandon his daughter.. Not again. This was something he had done for months on end after his wife died, which was one of the reasons why his family had taken her from him with the help from one of his kitchen maids. Not that he could blame them, and maybe that was one of the few things he was actually glad for. If anything, he was well aware of how much he had failed in taking care of her, and he felt extremely sorry for it. So, maybe now he was trying to make it up to her, if ever he could.

It still felt strange for him to be back, and he had purposefully tried to avoid most of his family members, even if he knew he had to eventually face each and every one of them. But he didn’t want to dwell on those thoughts, and for this moment, he was simply enjoying his short moment of peace with his daughter. Laying himself down in the grass with her, until he noticed a familiar figure walking outside into the gardens as well. His eyes stayed focused on her even if he didn’t say anything. After all, he hadn’t felt very talkative for at least a year. But at least he did still look better than on other days.