For old times' sake

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

Eli was always a little more on edge when he was in the upper class of the city. He dressed less elaborate, tried to blend in a little more and was giving everyone very unwelcome looks. It wasn’t unusual for him to keep a steady pace to get where he was going, but he was doing it even more so in this part of the city. It hadn’t happened yet that he had ran into someone he didn’t want to talk to, but he never dropped his guard. That’s how it would happen. That and losing touch of what was happening around the city.

Unfortunately, for the latter he had to go into the upper city. Which is why he was here. Well, that and to visit an old friend. Eli shrugged off his coat as he entered the cafe, looking around carefully and took a place at a table when he decided he was okay. He ordered his whiskey and sat back, watching the crowd and waiting for his company to arrive.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

darling, dearest

He had agreed to meet up with him. They were old friends, but even though they used to be close he didn't live here anymore. That was one of the reasons why they didn't go to the cafe Faolan usually went to if he met up with someone. A sigh rolled from his lips as he pushed the door open and unwrapped the scarf from around his neck as his pale eyes searched for the man in question.

Faolan greeted him with a nod when he found him and sat down. He ordered a drink and looked at his company, studied him a bit. Maybe in another lifetime, if he had accepted that he could love both men and women they could have been together. Maybe if he had different parents that would have accepted that, if he wasn't happily engaged and had moved on from those feelings he could have learned to love Eli. That was just his life, filled with maybe's and what if's. When his drink arrived he reached for the glass and took a sip, waiting for Eli to break the silence. He always waited for him to break the silence.

What was there to say if you hadn't seen each other in such a long time?

dead

MONTY

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

Eli breathed in deeply when he saw Faolan. It had been too long since he’d seen his old childhood friend, but when his eyes fell on the man there was immediate recognition. As if Faolan hadn’t changed at all. No, he corrected himself, he had changed. For the better actually. Eli wasn’t sure if he couldn’t keep his eyes from the other his face because it felt so good to see him again or simply because he couldn’t help it.

He greeted the other back and studied him settling down before breaking the silence. “You’ve been making quite a name for yourself I’ve heard?” he asked with a daring gaze. This was Eli’s way to ask how his old friend was doing, and maybe to figure out what the others feelings were on the matter.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

darling, dearest

The youngest of the Pyrrhos had very little muscle on his bones. Something that he inherited from his parents and because of his lack of heavy work. They had the money, why waste his time ruining his clothes by becoming an engineer like Eli was. He didn’t see the point in that even though he was of course glad he had found something he enjoyed doing.

Faolan let his eyes take in the man he used to be close with as he took his moment to repeat the words he said in his head. ”And you disappeared without saying anything.” Faolan bit back, raising an eyebrow at him in a questioning manner, almost asking him to explain that part before he would tell him how he was, how everything happened. Faolan always bit back. It was his way of protecting himself from the world around him. Not with punches but with words he tried to pick oh so carefully. Especially around his family. Faolan leaned back in his chair and stared back. The walls he had once let down around Eli had build back up stronger and higher than they were before and he struggled with attempting to let them down.

dead

MONTY

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

Eli had become a master of escaping his past.
He rarely talked about it to anyone, because no one knew him, and he avoided everyone who did. So when he got hold of Faolan again, he was hesitant at first. His longing to talk to someone who knew him, actually knew him, had eventually won from the fear of having to explain himself. And now he was here, looking at his former best friend, wondering what could have been if he’d still lived in the upper ring.

Eli sighed. ”I suppose I deserve that.” He and left without a trace after all, making sure no one would come to find him. It didn’t come to a surprise to him that Faolan was upset about it. And at first he had told himself not to go into detail, but now the other was in front of him he wanted nothing more than to just explain what really happened. Faolan brought a comforting kind of familiarity with him, and it took Eli a great idea of restrained not to indulge in it. ”I did it for a reason, you know,” he said instead, keeping things vague. ”And it isn’t like you’ve come looking for me.” Not to his knowledge, at least.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

darling, dearest

When Faolan was younger, before he had friends -a friend, Eli- he kept to himself. When things became too much at home he would spend his time hidden in the smallest corner of his closet in the dark. The tight and dark space made him feel the safest he could be. At least until Vidar showed up and sat down with him, told him about his day to pull his focus away from their parents screaming downstairs. Faolan was a shy child, he never liked to be touched, had his own rules that he followed (together with those of his parents) and had a hard time figuring out what he was feeling when he was feeling it. His brother and Eli helped him with that. Faolan spoke his mind more often (once in a blue moon) and he talked about his feelings when someone really asked about them, but when his brother died and his best friend left all the progress just seemed lost.

Faolan clenched and unclenched his jaw to stop the words from rolling off his lips, but he was too late. "Don't you dare. I spend almost all of my time looking for you, asking around if anyone knew where you were but you just- you left Ashmoor." He knew he did. "And you know I couldn't have asked my parents because you know how they are." Venom dripped from his words and five years of unanswered questions, five years of worry he so desperately tried to push down and hide resurfaced. Faolan had spend a lot of time with Eli when they were younger at times his family became too much. He had spend time with him when they became friends and told him everything, just for him to leave without saying a word.

"I thought you died, Eli."

dead

MONTY

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

When Eli had run away, he had considered Faolan.

That was the worst part, he had thought about the fact that he was leaving his friend behind. He had even considered finding refuge with him. But he knew how the boys parents were, and frankly he just didn’t feel safe in the upper city anymore. He needed to get out, he needed everyone to think the entire Dumont family had disappeared out of nowhere. And no matter how heavy his heart felt, that included his best friend.

Oh how he regretted that decision now.

Eli didn’t want to put up a fight about the other his reaction. He had expected it, that Faolan might want answers. He had been trying for days to come up with them. And now the moment was there he put his walls back up. Even with him.

The grin on his face faded at Faolans words, his heart feeling heavy. Turns out they were going to have this conversation after all. No light ‘how have you been’, Eli had to face the consequences of his actions. He was silent for a while, not looking at the other opposite of him. ”I’m sorry,” he whispered. ”I really am Faolan. I wanted to reach out. I just- couldn’t.” He swallowed, trying to remember the words he had wanted to say, the conversation he promised himself he’d have. But as he looked at the other he couldn’t find them.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

darling, dearest

He didn't see why they couldn't just get to the point straight away. Why waste their time on formalities first when there were so many questions left unanswered and words left unsaid between the two of them. It had been years since he looked at the man in front of him he had once concidered his best friend, but now he couldn't even look him in the eyes. Instead Faolan had his gaze on a spot just between his eyebrows, on the men behind Eli that were talking animatedly about something, on the rings around his fingers that he was twisting around carefully.

"You couldn't or you didn't want to?" He asked, his voice bitter. He knew this conversation wasn't any easier for Eli but whilst he was sitting there he couldn't find himself to care about that. The love, whether romantically or platonically, had slowly turned from adoration and love to misunderstanding and anger.

His biggest fear had always been being abandoned by the people he loved. His brother and his best friend. They had both left him without another word and Faolan could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces over and over again as he thought about it. That was the problem though, Faolan would never let himself forget what he had felt the days after Eli left. The pain and betrayal were scorched in to his skin and soul like a brand on a horse.

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MONTY

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

What Eli had wanted out of this ruining was his best friend back. Now that Faolan was sitting in front of him he only wanted it more. But without having to explain himself. He didn’t think he could give the other an explanation. He’d buried his past, digging it up again would only cause trouble. And with no guarantee dat Faolan even might forgive him.

”I couldn’t Faolan. You have to trust me I couldn’t,” he pressed. If he had gone to Faolan after the attack he might only have brought the other in danger. Besides, it wasn’t a secret the two knew each other, his attackers would’ve been able to find him.

He was speaking the truth, he couldn’t reach out, not directly after the attack. But even he had to admit that the past few years would’ve been safe. He had build up a new life after all. No on head come looking for him when he started his artifact shop in the middle ring, he didn’t even change his name for it. Eli hadn’t reached out then because,,, well because he was afraid to have the very conversation they were having right now. He couldn’t just started to mix his past life with the one he had build right now. It would only result in sleepless nights. Sitting here however, Eli wanted nothing more than to make amends with Faolan, just to call him his best friend again, go back to the way it was before. ”I had to run, I can’t tell you why. But I promise you it won’t happen again.” He tried to speak calmly and reassuring, but he couldn’t stop himself from revealing a hint of desperation in his voice as well.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

darling, dearest

Faolan sighed softly. Letting things go never was his strongest point. He wanted to know everything, wanted to learn about the why's and how's. For now he had to respect his old friend his wishes, though. As hard as it was. His face showed no sign of what he was truely feeling inside, of the thunderstorm that raged in his heart, only beeing kept at bay because of the natural cage his ribs had formed. Sometimes he wondered if he had somehow grown an extra 24 ribs to keep his heart as safe as possible. The thought almost made him laugh the first time. It was stupid and bones were still as fragile as twigs, his heart as fragile as porcelain.

"Okay, Eli." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. For now this would have to be enough of an explanation.

dead

MONTY

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

It was hard not to tell Faolan what he’d been up to. He used to tell the other everything. And despite the fact that he’d been so withdrawn and quiet for the past ten years had made it easy to hide his pain from his public appearance. But it was Faolan. It was familiarity and it was harder to resist the temptation he didn’t even knew he still had. Besides, what good would come from explaining? Faolan would only know something that could bring them both in danger. It wasn’t like he could do anything about it now. So when the other dropped the topic Eli sighed of relief, letting himself fall back into his chair again. ”you never were one for acceptance,” he grinned, mostly to try and light the mood. He took another sip from his drink. ”I appreciate it,” he added after a moment of silence. He studied the man opposite of him. ”Tell me how you’ve been old friend. Tell me something good.” Thats all he wanted from this meeting. For things to go back to the way they were before.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.

there is a rabid beast in me

I am a bruise — the soft rot of a peach

Small and split open. The seam of me screams.

Somehow the word 'friend' stung like salt in an open wound. Like the knife that had been stabbed between his shoulder blades was being twisted and moved around. There was a quote from a book he'd once read about how thin the line between love and hate were, and he never read a truer thing. "I'm engaged." He said, softly. Alison was one of the best people he could have an arranged marriage with, but the words felt foreign in his mouth when he was talking to the man he had once hoped to be together with. Would he have risked the death sentence though? He would never know, but it was a nice dream when he was younger. "To Alison Winter." Faolan added, twisting the simple ring around that was on his finger. It was just something to show people that he was engaged without having to say the words and even though Eli might have already noticed it around his finger, it was the biggest thing that had happened to him since he had left.

I’D LIKE TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH

IIt didn’t go unnoticed that Faolan wasn’t letting this go. Not even when Eli asked for it. No matter how easy it was for him to slide into a more comfortable persona, to ignore his past, it apparently wasn’t a topic Faolan could ignore. Eli wished he would. He just wanted to have a conversation with his old friend, like they used to. He always thought that they only needed each others company to make the world a little bit lighter, to make the dark things seemed to disappear. Apparently he’d been wrong. Or too much time had passed, and the old wounds he had caused seemed to hurt too much to play pretend.

Eli knew Faolan was engaged. He’d made sure to check what his childhood friend had been up to before he agreed to meet. But hearing it from Faolan himself fell harder than he could’ve anticipated. “So I’ve heard,” he answered, the grin was from his face now. He couldn’t place the feeling the words had given him. Why was his heart feeling so heavy? He should be glad his friend had what seemed to be a better life. But no matter what Eli told himself, he couldn’t get himself to feel happy for the other. “Here I was thinking you’d be done with nobility.” He was trying to sound lighthearted, like it was the joke he had intended to make. Instead the words sounded cold. Eli didn’t bother to cover it up. Maybe it was for the better Faolan knew what he really though of this engagement.

TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.