M - What was I made for?

❝ I don't know how to feel ❞

The thing with the other, was that he had taken him by the throat that one night. He had always had an interest in him because of his looks, his kind, sweet and fun personality had slowly dragged him in. As they had grown towards one another he had always felt like they could become great friends, until he had noticed his body craving more. He had felt ashamed at first, like he always felt whenever he had such a response to men. Feeling as if he was broken for never having similar responses to women. But the other had helped him out back then, had guided him gently while they were hidden from the world. There, amidst the ocean waves, had they shared their first night together. Guided by slightly intoxicated thoughts, but it was still them who had decided that this was right, that they wanted this. And Myrddin had never felt so alive and loved as he had felt that night. It had made everything so crystal clear; he didn't want to be friends, he wanted to be his.

The other tried to calm him down, placing a hand on his shoulder and speaking to him. The words, sadly enough, didn't put his worries to rest as he only frowned and looked more upset as the other went on. Staring down at his own hands he felt powerless at everything the universe seemed to throw at them. Every solution would have more problems with them and every new opportunity would end up in disaster one way or another. Run away together? It would cause quite a scene here and knowing his mother she would track them down. Short lived happiness, unless they fled the continent all together. But then he would leave his brother behind with the wrath of his family. Perhaps the only other person he cared for, how foolish it was. And that wasn't even starting with all the other people he had come to care for. Would he eventually have to pick a side? Or maybe choose the lesser of two evils? He didn't want to think about it... It only caused him to get more angry as seconds melted away.

So... What he did was pour his heart out to the other. He wasn't great with words, never have been. Communication had always been an issue, but one shouldn't really be surprised knowing his condition. Yet, despite all the odds he had managed to get his thoughts and feelings across to the other. Soft spoken signs that held love and emotion and so much power that it let his entire body tremble under the weight of it. He felt nervous, sad and angry at the same time. He wanted to punch something, wanted to release all the tension from his body, but he knew he couldn't that right now. He would have to wait until he was back in the castle, on his own... For Lythrana knows how long. Arms locked around him as the tall man remained where he was. His hands hovering in the air for a moment as he sobbed. Anger. He was so damn angry and pissed off at these unforgiving odds. He wanted to shout, scream, curse these wretches lands. But even if he wanted, he couldn't. The gods had stripped him away of a voice... And now also of proper love. What a cruel reality this was.

Soft, sweet words filled the room. They held both promise and question as it was reached out to him. A shaky breath left his lips as he slowly closed his arms around the other, pulling him in closer as he laid his head on the others shoulder. Hiding his tear covered face against him as he slowly melted against him. His breath heavy, sobs weaved in between the heaves of unchecked, raw emotion. Figure this out... How would they ever figure this out? It was like trying to read an unwritten book. How could they ever know what path they had to walk if they couldn't see the ending? What laid in front of them and what were the right choices to make? He didn't know... And it terrified him. There were some certainties he did hold onto, like the love he felt for this man. But that just made it even scarier. Knowing that he wanted to hold onto that, he was more aware of the fragility it held. Because, if there was one thing he had learned, it was that the world would always find a way to destroy what shouldn't be. They had witnessed that the hard way.

The words Shyam spoke made him shake softly in his arms. It were things they shared with each other. Knowing that they wanted to share eternity together. Until death do us part... Slowly he opened his eyes as he looked up. Slowly regaining his posture as he lifted a hand from the others back. Wiping away his tears he gently pressed a kiss against the side of the others head. His beautiful and perfect Shy. Oh, how strong he really was. He held up his hands, slowly so, so he could sign to him. 'Promise me one thing,' he signed. 'Never scare me like that again,' a shaky smile came on his lips. 'You almost gave me a heart attack seeing you like this,' he leaned closer, pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek as he closed his arms around the other. Lifting him up easily as he stepped closer to the bed and gently placed him on it. He went through his knees, placing one leg next to the skinny man as he leaned back, a gentle smile on his lips as he tilted his head. Looking over his face, he noticed the details once more of how weak he had gotten. It made him sad, but he tried to keep that smile up. For him.

❝ I don't know how to feel ❞

To say he had been shocked to see the white haired man in such a state was an understatement. There was no-one in this realm that he cared so much for. And to see someone you cared so deeply for, in such a state... It messed you up real good. He had already witnessed his beloved being locked up and stripped away of his sanity. As his ink black hair had slowly fallen out and been replaced with thin, white strands. It looked even more frail then what he had seen in the tower. He had never read or seen such a change before, but he could only imagine it was due to the mental and physical harm that his mother had inflicted on him. It really showed that emotional and mental well being was just as important as everything else. For a moment he wondered if Shyam had wept about the loss of his appearance. He was forever changed... And he could only imagine what that could do to a man. Then again, there were always ways to somewhat simulate what he had looked like. But that would only be if he wanted that. Myrddin would love him in any shape or size he came. As long as he was healthy and happy, it didn't matter what he looked like.

Shyam spoke, whispering an apology to him. The black haired man looked down on him, a smile still on his lips as he lifted a hand. His fingers gently cupped around the others jaw as his thumb moved across his face. Tracing his skin, from his lips, to his cheek. Leaning forward once more he pressed a kiss against his temple. Moving back a slight inch he could feel the other move. The young captain moved back a bit as he observed him. Keeping a close eye on him as to make sure he wouldn't fall or hurt himself. His grey eyes followed him as he leaned in closer to the nightstand. Opening up a drawer, Shyam was quick to retrieve what looked like a necklace. The sorcerer tilted his head slightly. In the dim light that slipped past the curtains it was hard to see what it actually was. That was, until he handed it over to him. He looked down at it, his fingers slowly going over the material as he noticed it was made out of... Hair. Only when Shyam spoke did he realize what it was and what it was really made of. A clump was formed in his throat, in his stomach.

He blinked a few times as tear sprouted forth from them. Shaking his head slowly a sob left his lips. Quickly he tried to pull himself together as he used the back of his hand to wipe his own cheeks free of his display of sadness. He leaned in again, pressing gentle kisses against the others cheek and temple. Shaky breath that was clearly filled with so much emotions that he could burst at any second now. He was trembling once more. By the Gods, he had never been good with his own emotions. He swallowed, trying to work away the heavy feeling that had settled on him. And as seconds melted away, he kept kissing him, embracing him as he held him. His heart ached at the thought that he had to go through this all by himself. Why hadn't he said anything? Oh... His poor beloved. He wanted to take all the hurt and sadness away. But he knew that could never work. Not even magic could do such a thing for as far as he was aware. All he could do was hush it all good... And hope he wouldn't never have to go through such a thing again. Keeping him safe from all the wrongs in this world. It was all he wanted. He knew that, even if that wasn't his reason for his creation, he still wanted that to be purpose.

Slowly he leaned back a bit. Looking at the necklace again, he slowly brought his hands up to his neck. As he brought in place he traced the material one more time with his thumb, before letting it rest under his shirt. Not because he didn't want people to see it, but because he simply couldn't let others see it. With all the expensive jewelry he wore, a piece like that would stand out. And he didn't need any more questions to be directed towards himself. Looking back up at his lover, he tilted his head. 'Thank you,' he signed to him. 'I love you,' he leaned in closer, pressing his lips against his as he went into a passionate kiss once more. Breathe still heavy from emotions that had stirred within him. Only when that was broken off, did he lean back again. One hand going upwards as he started to softly go along his hairs, pushing them back and giving them a proper place. And in his eyes, there was nothing more then just purest admiration. As if he had seen the most stunning creature ever. Because, it was true. In any shape or form he would be perfect. Because it was him. And his heart belonged to him, and him only.

Admiring him with both sight and touch, the seconds turned into minutes. It was when he noted the shift in light from beyond the curtains, that he knew that he had been here for at least an hour or two. His grey eyes went towards the window, which was hidden by the fabric, before looking back at Shyam again. 'I just want to hold you forever,' he sigend to him. 'But duty calls...' the corners of his mouth turned down as he looked at his lap. It was a gentle reminder of how he had to go back to that fake life, fillde with fake promises and a future he didn't look forward to. A deep breath, followed by him looking back up at the other. 'Let's meet again, in two days, by the docks just before dawn,' a gentle smile tugged at his lips. 'If you can't see me, look up,' he tilted his head. 'You'll find me as long as you look up,' Bounded in magic, he would always be able to find him through it. As his familiar was him, it would always try to find him. Wings that would take to the sky with only one reason; to be a beacon for them. Because that was what he wanted to be for this... This pure and bright thing they had. It had to be protected and sheltered, no matter what.