I'm homesick

❝ Your arms around me felt like home ❞

It was too early, but he had already lost so much time. His body couldn't handle it, not yet, but his mind couldn't bare another second in that room, around those people, being told what to do, having no privacy. The only thing he could think about was him. Pure, dear him. He missed him, needed him, wanted him. He was his medicine, the good part of him. And being apart of him... It drove him insane. Being more irritable by the minute, he was already getting more unruly despite his weak and fragile body. Kicking men with his one already good leg and he had actually bit someone that had put his hand on him. He didn't want to be touched anymore, pushed around in every direction that he had to go. That they told him to go. And it was hard. It was really damn hard. The mute man had no way to communicate while being on his crutches and it was showing how frustrating he was getting. The one hand he had bit was evidence of it. And they had called him childish, cursed at him. The only thing holding these guards back not to get violent was the fear of losing their job. Not that it would get them far, as Myrddin had made note of who they were. As soon as he got back to work he would put these men to the test and put them through the correction training he had in mind. The blonde captain was at his limit and he was done being seen as a child, a burden, a joke. It was all over. He was tired of it.

After the rough and somewhat extreme day, the man had left his room. Almost as a punishment for him biting that man. It was more of a reward than anything else, as he was finally alone to do what he wanted. Of course there were still guards stationed outside his room, but at least he didn't have to look at their faces anymore. For the first few hours of the afternoon he had remained in his bed, curled up with his messed up leg stretched out due to  the splint. He counted the minutes as he peered out of the window from under his blankets. It was hard to see when sunset was from here, but he knew that around nightfall the guards did a switch, leaving a window of opportunity for him to leave and roam the castle at his own pace. So... When he noticed the shift in colours above the bubble, he slowly turned his body. His grey eyes going to the door that led to the hallway. He couldn't hear footsteps yet, but he could hear the almost silent mumbling of a conversation between colleagues. The young heir pushed himself up, gathering his strength as he moved his leg with his arms. Clenching his jaw as to not let out any sounds. His face, however, showed how much pain he was in. But it was a mixture of anger and pain... If anyone were to enter his room right now, they wouldn't be met with the kindest eyes.

With the help of his crutches he had slowly moved to the door, leaning against it as his ear rested against the wood. Listening to the awful conversation the two men had. Something about their wives.... Something he couldn't be bothered about. Letting out soft sighs at every mention of whining. But then, finally, after what seemed like hours, he could hear them move. Their footsteps slowly becoming more distant before the even the echo of their voices couldn't be heard anymore. Myrddin held his breath, instantly grabbing the moment as he grabbed the doorknob. Swiftly opening up the door and moving out. Although- It was still so damn clumsy. He was slow and in pain... And he had to use his arms both to move and close the damn thing. Panic set in for a moment when he accidentally knocked the door more open. But he had long arms and pulled it in rather quickly. Silently, after quite the struggle, closing the door when he got out. He looked from one side of the hall to the other, knowing that the new guards would come from the left, he turned right and started moving as quickly as he could. Ignoring all the pain signals his body was sending his brain. He didn't have any time for that right now. This was his chance. His one in a million chance. He couldn't let it slip by.

From what he had heard, he knew that Shy was locked up. But where was a whole other thing. He could be locked in the dungeon, or maybe in one of the towers. Or maybe he wasn't even locked up in the castle and his mother had sent him off to some jail overseas. His heart ached at the thought and he had to hold himself back not to whimper out of distress and pain. No... he had to hold himself together. If no-one could help him,  then he just had to search everywhere until he found him. Even if he had to go to the ends of the world. Even if he had to climb mountains, even if he had to fight monsters. He would look everywhere. And he had already lost so much time.  His own limitations just had to... Stop... SO that he could go. So, the man disregarded it all and kept on going. Even if it left him crippled for the rest of his days. He couldn't spend a second longer without him. He couldn't live another moment being apart for him. It had been days, if not weeks... If not months. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't do this anymore.

He had started to work on the first flight of stairs to the first tower he had encountered. Knowing that this particular construction had a few cells, it could be that lady luck was finally at his side and gave him this win. But to know if he had the right place, he had to ascend the stairs all the way to the top. And so, that was what he was doing. Struggling and clearly in pain as he had done the five first stairs. His thinned out body was aching already from the heavy work out it wasn't used to anymore. Breathing heavily he laid his head against the stonewall as he closed his eyes, recovering from the intensity of the movement he was doing. And as he did, a smile curled on his face. He shook his head slowly as a memory passed by him. He could hear the other berating him already on how weak he had become. He had to eat, become stronger, get better. He could hear him say it it to him and all he could do was smile. He could just perfectly see how he would say it to him, the details of his face, the slight movements he made when talking. Was it problematic how well he knew him? Was it weird that this was the thing he thought about as he was struggling...? He honestly didn't know... But it brought him joy. If only for a split second. And that was enough.  

"Lord Myrddin?" He blinked slowly as clenched his jaw. Caught in the act. Fuck. The blonde man took a sharp breath, turning his shoulders as he looked down the stairs. His grey eyes meeting those of a man he hadn't seen before, or didn't really remember. A frown came on his face as he looked over the other. He wasn't wearing any armour, didn't seem to carry a weapon... And he also wasn't dressed like anyone of high standing. Who was this...? The blonde heir slowly moved his crutches a bit so he could turn himself more. He also didn't look his best. Already looking as weak as ever thanks to his current lifestyle, but also wearing oversized, but also cosy, clothing that made it all way worse. He couldn't care less about appearance right now. This was his home and if he wanted to be dressed like this... He was allowed to... Right? When his eyes focused more on the strange man, he could see that he was quite shocked, as if he had just seen a ghost. And... He immediately knew why that was. He looked nothing like he presented himself normally. The captain had always been someone for appearances, keeping his own physique and face in perfect shape. Always being properly dressed, if not overdressed. But always doing his best to simply look stunning. Because he knew that that was one of the few things he had going for him. Yet, right now, he couldn't be bothered by it. "I'm glad to see you up and moving, my lord," the man said, bowing his head in a greeting. "Orpheus Efrain, my lord," the man finally introduced himself. And at that moment it connected.

His eyes widened as he looked at the older man. This was Shyam's father... Meaning that- He should know. He should know where he was. His body started moving before he could think, stumbling forward as he opened his mouth a bit, trying to call out. But before he could, he lost his balance on the next step. Stumbling forward, he nearly fell face first into the stone beneath him. But luckily for him, it would seem that the other man had seen his struggles quick enough to catch him. The older man pulled him in, very easily even, which allowed him to stabilize himself at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you okay young lord?" Myrddin pushed himself up a bit, nodding quickly as he looked down at the man which still held onto of his arms. "I... Heard you were supposed to be resting what are you-" He opened his mouth, letting out a soft sound as he leaned more towards him. Pleading eyes looking at the man... Desperately trying to get his question across, but it wouldn't work. He had no notebook with him to write down what he meant. And he knew that this man couldn't read his signs, only a handful of people could. So he simply started to plead as a last resort. With soft sounds and big, round eyes. Pulling at the others shirt ever so slightly as he shook his head. Please sir, you had to help him. Please. Please. The confusion on the others face only became worse by the second. The mute boy's efforts really were going nowhere. "Please calm down my lord," the man said, putting on of his hands on top of the one clenching onto his clothing. "I can't help you as long as you are not calming down,"

With short, sharp breathes he looked down at the man. Finally falling silent he looked over the others face, trying to find traces of the thing he was looking for. He could see the similarities Shy had to his father. They shared a lot of features... And as he went over each and every part of the older man face, he slowly calmed down. The weak grip he had on the shirt loosening up in a matter of seconds. "Okay... Very good," he said with a smile as he nodded. "Now... Were you looking for something? Or someone?" Myrddin nodded at the man, more heavily nodding at the last word the man said. "Your guards? The healers?" He shook his head quickly when those were brought up. "Your mother, lady Vylasar herself?" He shook his head even more so. No. "Any... Other Vylasar?" No. "A servant?" No. "My son?" The man nodded quickly when he mentioned the one he was looking after, his grey eyes brightening up as soon as the right answer was given. Hesitantly the man looked over the tall boy's face, a frown forming on his face as he did. But all the blonde could do was... Simply smile at him. As soon as he the answer had been given, his demeanour shifted. That was it. That was exactly it. It was all he wanted. Oh... Oh please. And... slowly, hesitance melted away, most likely because of the endearing expression the young man was making at him. It was one filled with hope, as if he had just been promised the gift of a lifetime. And in many ways, he had. "Alright... I can take you to him... Lean on me, okay?"

They moved through the corridors of the castle at a much more comfortable pace than before. Being able to shift some of his weight somewhere else, he could much easily move now that pain wasn't as much of an issue. And... Before he knew it, they were at a new staircase. The older man slowly helped him up, one stair at a time as he talked to him. Giving him instructions, but also conformation that he was doing well. And Myrddin did his best to move as quickly as he could. Taking each step a bit too swiftly, which caused him pain. But he was excited at the promise of seeing him again. It was something that had sparked inside of him the moment the man had told him. And from then on he had that little light in his eyes. That shine that had vanished the moment that his mother had returned and made things so much worse. He had no joys in his life anymore when he wasn't in it. But now, with a promise of seeing him in a just a few minutes. His heart almost burst at that thought. He would see him again. he would see his man again. His Shy. His heart. His everything.

The guards at the top of the stairs frowned when they saw the two of them approach. Already questioning the older man that was helping him. Asking him what he was doing  here and if he had permission to bring him. And at first the old Efrain couldn't properly answer them, still helping the poor heir boy to climb the last stairs. His body was exhausted from the exercise and yet he was overflowing with energy at the idea that... Behind that door he would see him again. So... As soon as he was at the top of it all and he could straighten himself, he grabbed his crutches from the other. Moving forward on his own once more with a newfound rush that was hiding within him. For a split second the guard seemed to hesitate as they looked up to the wounded man... That was until one of them stepped forward, putting a hand on his chest as to stop him right in his tracks. Myrddin was forced to a halt as he looked down at the other, bewildered in a way. A frown on his face that quickly went from questioning and confusion, to anger. Before any words or signs could be exchanged, the blonde lifted one of his hands, grabbing the wrist of the guard and pulling it off of him. Looming over him for a second, in many ways he was lucky to still have his size... Despite the fact that he was as fragile as they came. If this were to escalate, he would never win... And be back at square one. "Please... Just let the lord see him. If only for a couple minutes," The older man begged the two guards. And as he begged, Myrddin was already trying to get past the one man holding him back, moving side to side as to get past him. He really was getting pissed off...

"Fine," one of them spoke. "Five minutes and no more," As soon as the man stepped aside, Myrddin almost pushed him to the ground by how quickly he walked past him. The other opened the door for him as he walked in, his eyes looking around the room for a moment, letting out a soft whimpering sound from his lips as if to call out for him. But it was already quite dark outside. The one lit lantern in the room didn't illuminate all the cells at once... And for what he could see, most of them were empty. Distressed he looked around, letting out noises that were getting more panicked by the second. Where was he. Where was he...

❝ Your arms around me felt like home ❞

Five minutes. It's all they would give him. Not that he would allow it. Once he knew where the other was, he would remain there. He might be weak, but he wasn't completely helpless. He would cling onto those bars as if his life depended on it. Because there was not a cell in his body that ever wanted to leave him again. Ever. For his sanity had already taken a huge dip since he no longer was by his side. He couldn't stand the thought of him suffering. He couldn't bare to think that he was lonely, that he was hungry, that he was going through hell. All he wanted to do was take the other out of here, take him to a place where he could care for him. Where this cruel world would melt away and all that remained was just them. Right now it truly felt like he could fight an army. It didn't matter that he was still so broken. Wounded and at his physical lowest. People truly did incredible things once pushed to their limits. And mentally, Myrddin had been over that limit for quite some time. Nothing could stand in his way anymore. He would make sure of that.

But first he had to find him. And that was hard in the dimly lit room. There were plenty of cells and all of them looked empty. Which... Wasn't a huge surprise to him. They had cells down in the dungeon too. Why his mother had chosen to put him in one of the towers was a mystery to him. But maybe it was better this way. Here the man could still enjoy some fresh air and some sunlight from time to time. It was the lesser of two evils, or that's what the heir tried to tell himself. Anything to hush his mind from worrying. Anything from panicking even more. The sounds leaving his mouth sounded unstable and hoarse, as if he had been crying for hours. And yes, he had, for days now. And he had yelled and screamed so much. Using his voice more than ever before as frustration was at an all time high. It had damaged his throat, that much was for sure. But the blonde didn't care. He simply wasn't used to it, that was all. For someone who couldn't speak, a voice wasn't necessary, after all. When would he ever use it anyway.

The elder man finally spoke up and the blonde turned his head in an instant. The other stated the one he was looking for, was right there. Quickly he looked up, his body already stumbling and moving towards the cell as he glanced over the dark area. And when he finally saw a glimpse of what it held, he froze. His eyes widened as he looked over him. Barely able to make out the details of his face, the first thing that he really saw was his lightly coloured hair. And at the sight of the damage that had been done, he feel silent. His throat tightening up, holding his breath for a few seconds. Oh- What had they done to him. What had they done to his Shy. What had happened...? What had the world done to his dear beloved. Oh what... Oh what. It was never followed by a why, but a what. Because anger was quick to follow. Whatever had done this... Whoever had done this... he wouldn't let them go unpunished. And as soon as that hit him, his face shifted. From shock to concern, to determination.

Myrddin stepped forward, lifting his bad leg a bit upwards as he let go of his crutches as soon as he was close enough to the bars of the cell. The two things losing their balance and falling to the floor with a loud clutter sound. His hands moving to the iron bars as he clung onto them, pressing his face slightly against the cold metal. He tried to get a better view of him, but it was as if he was looking at a freightened animal. As if he had been beaten down again and again. And now, when all his trust was gone, there was no good will left. Hiding away from every person that came into this room, it made him... Sick... And angry. And oh so sad. He took a deep breath as tears welled up, one hand slowly moving to his mouth as he covered it for a second. Oh. Oh... And as a wave of pure sadness and emotions washed over him, he could feel the weight of everything fall down on him. It slammed straight into him. His body, his soul, his heart. And when it dude, he started to shake. As if his leg could give in at any time now.

And... of course it did. He had done so much already today. And even though he could barely feel it, physically he was at his limits. He had lost so much muscle ever since the accident. And since losing him too, he had only degraded more. His body was tired, because it couldn't keep up. His mental health being his biggest enemy in all of it. Slowly he collapsed through his good leg, letting himself go down as slowly as he could, until he was sitting onto the floor. Still clinging onto his cell, face pressed against the iron that made up his prison. Soft breathes leaving his lips as tears ran down his face. 'I finally found you,' Shaky hands signed at him. A bittersweet smile finally coming on his lips as his tried to keep himself up. He would never leave him again. 'My love,' He was shaking, uncontrollably. Overwhelmed by everything, it was hard to keep himself in check. But he tried, he desperately tried. Everything for him. Everything... everything. So he smiled the brightest smile possible. Despite the pain, despite the sorrow, despite it all. He would smile for his dear Shyam.