I'm out of my depth

He had ventured across the many ocean waves, with an image of her in the back of his head. Her, stupid goddamn image- his summer fling, a fire flickering dimmer within the many winds that cut his face as the ocean stretched out in front of him, yet never died, never starved of oxygen. They stumbled upon each other, one night. He had only been on land for a day or two and couldn't catch sleep on stable floors just yet. She had been the first person he saw when he entered the saloon that night. Her striking strawberry-blonde hair failed to escape his attention. He hadn't recognised her that night, truly he had never paid attention to her back in the days of the monarchy. They were just two people that night, both not where they would like to be, sipping their drinks. And soon they would be two people fond of each other, two adults doing adult things.  A summer it would last between them, Rhydian hadn't expected to stay within the gates of Lythrania for that long but somehow she managed to keep him within her spell. Wether this was of passion or war, either way, it had been enchanting to be alongside her.  As her cold ways of interacting with others were so different from his own- they were complete opposites yet so familiar. She had a way of thinking that had done so much more than inspire the man she had chosen that one night in the saloon.

No more than a fling it had been however, time ran out, he had to go back to the seas he loved so much. Back to his life as a captain aboard his own ship. Waves took over and dimmed the fires of passion between the pair, distances tore them apart and after that four months of healing after that one horrid day. And yet- to him, the flame never fully died.

Rhydian liked to believe he returned as the same man he had been before, as he rode throughout the magical city of Lythrania once more. A cocky, hot-headed elf without any baggage that kept him up at night. Perhaps these hopes were why he had returned here, for here, with her he had felt great. It was here that he last saw himself as he had been before it all. And that was with her, with the princess. Rhydian clenched his jaws as he rode up to the place he knew she'd venture to in the dark of night, the place no home could ever compare too for her. And once he had slid out of his horse's saddle. a fresh way of uncertainty shook the ground beneath his feet. Months had gone by since he had last seen her- what if he had lost her thought? What if she had felt abandoned by him leaving her? Not sending her letters once he returned home wounded? The elf shook his head shortly- he hadn't had the time to think of her. As he lay in bed cursing the gods in the most awful pain imaginable, he had figured she wouldn't know anyway. She'd think he was at sea- she'd think he would be gone for a year and continued her life. And could rest, he could weep and scold without thinking of her and the person he had been alongside her. He didn't have to think of her and miss her alongside the pain he already had been in.

He breathed in slowly before pushing open the big doors leading to the central hall of her home. Now technically the home of  the new ruling family of these parts. Rhydian could only image how hard it'd be- shoved into the guest chambers of what once your home.  A dim blue light from outside filtered through the big windows that were set between marble walls reaching as high as could be. Rhyian looked at it all with stocked breath and keen eyes. When he had last been there- Once more he inhaled as he pressed forward, he could only hope showing up like this was the kind of gesture needed to be welcomed back by the woman, if not as a fling, as friend. Though his heartbeat for the latter.

Whether he liked it or not- for Rhydian would always hate being so attached to another. He spoke with the guards, shived his family name in their faces and was led towards her chambers. It had always been a nice card to pull when needed, his legacy. As one of the later-born children in the family, he had all the gain, yet no strain from it.  Even though now, in front of her door- the power he felt before slipped through his hands within an instant. Brought down from his high horse he knocked.  "Lumina?" his voice echoed through the dimly lit halls "Hey, can I come in?"

He had not known what he could expect when the door swung open in front of him. A desire to be as close as possible again? To meet each other's skin under a passionate touch, melting away in the sweet Deja Vu of the summer behind them? Or a cold shoulder, a slap in the face for how little it had seemed to have possibly meant to him from the perspective her beautiful eyes? The man could only clench his jaw when it played out in front of him- as the door opened, he was met by neither, nor disappointment.

He smiled faintly upon seeing her again, her long silky white hair neatly tucked behind her shoulders. A dress he had not had the pleasure to see on her before, undoubtedly new. He breathed in as a chill wind met his exposed skin from inside the room, he could only guess she had been too busy in her head to light the fireplace of the guestroom she was forced into. Lu had always been a thinker- a mindful person strongly contrasting his more often action-driven way of going through life. It was a source of interest to the man- as trying to pry the beautiful princess's thoughts, had managed to keep him at her lips.  "Lu-" he greeted her with an unexpected warmness in his tone. He hadn't wanted to fall back into old patterns immediately- the thought of being the helpless one twisted his guts in an uncomfortable way- yet seeing her once again had left him unable to withstand the desperate feelings within his chest.

A sigh broke the short silence that fell between the pair as Rhydian nodded his head a little, pressing his lips together shortly before answering, "Heh you could say that- it has been quite a while hasn't it?" His gaze went up to her eyes as the glimmering lights from outside fell upon his blue eyes. "I got in a bit of trouble at sea... as I am sure you know-" a grin pulled onto the right corner of his mouth as he leaned against the big doorframe, looking down upon the lady.  "You always seem to magically know everything afterall," the elf gave her, his voice deepened. There was no point in finding excuses or lies with Lumina, he wouldn't underestimate her again, for he knew exactly how well the world around her was known to the ex-princess. She would've made an excellent royal if given the chance. "But I wont bore you with my long healing journey, or sob stories that do not interest you nor are able to be bettered. I came all this way to see you Lu, talk with you, will you let me?"

He leaned his head against the doorframe as she spoke- her cold yet enchanting voice awakening many dear memories. Her little grin at being given the gift of being all-knowing by him suited her. It was that certain self-esteem she carried with her that had always been able to put a spell on the man in front of her. His breath halted shortly as she questioned his motives- because why was he standing here? Why did he go such a long way to be potentionally denied access to her companionship? Was it because he felt guilty about leaving her despite the fact it had been fairly clear to the both of them that they were nothing more than a fling? A summer joy meant to end at autumn's arrival? Or was it because he would regret every day of his life if he had not given it another shot?

Rhydian felt his throat tense up as his eyes met Lumina's, hard-to-read Lumina. Interactions with her could truly feel like reaching into a never-ending abyss, luckily, however, Rhydian had never feared the deep. He smiled a little as he slowly grew a little more at ease around her. The longer he stood within her aura, the more he noted it wasn't that of hostility or unwelcomeness. For as far as she was readable, she was truly keen on knowing why he was here with her. Though he did not know how to feel about her questioning this. But what he did know however, was why she might think so- a pang of guilt pulled on his heart has he pressed his lips together again, failing to get the emotions out of his face as he couldn't ever. He was what she was never, an open book. A clear canvas of emotions and thoughts no matter how hard he tried to conceal them.

Rhydian had always been an emotional man, unable to keep his feelings in check. Something that Meleys would always call him out on, naming it weak. And that alongside his short posture had always been one of his strongest insecurities- but around Lu? He bit his cheek shortly as they coloured red right in front of her- he looked around as though it would relieve him of the tension he felt upon his chest. "Because-" his eyes went downward, meeting hers. He breathed in "Well- Because it was the first thing I wanted to do after I recovered fully Lu" he answered honestly. It was true- he had not thought about it all beforehand- Rhydian never thought, he did. And his spirit ached to be with hers again, something had drawn him back to her side and it wasn't thoughts, it wasn't a calculated plan- it was pure feeling, pure wanting to be with her again. He chuckled softly "Because I wanted to see you again, I hope it isn't hard to believe. Because I don't want it to be" his look softened shortly as he kept it locked onto her for looking anywhere else seemed like a suicide mission.

The muscles aligning his jawbone firmed up as she spoke, wrinkling the skin covering them tightly as his eyes shimmered within the light blue hues of the room. Rhydian had no idea what it was like to love. To truly give all of your heart to someone and get theirs in return.  Though he had seen it among his friends and family. But, he had also seen how it destroyed his father when his mother died. Followed by the pain he saw when the same thing hit Elros- he was fairly certain he didn't even want to love if it saved him from the pain of things ending. Yet, as he thought back to those sweet days between the two of them, and the way they had lingered upon his long term memory, he'd almost argue himself on the matter. He'd almost convinced himself it would all be worth the risk of a broken heart just to have those sweet and amazing moments beforehand.

Rhydian hadn't expected to be hit as hard as he had when the inevitable struck down him. When she argued his offer,  backing down stating it would only be a mistake to let him in again. Rhydians eyes widened slightly allowing for a broader emotional display on them. When she called him by his nickname, it felt as though she threw salt upon an open wound even if the soft demeanour of her speech had given him the slightest amount of hope yet again. "Was it last time?" he stated softly as his glimmering eyes went on a search for hers. "Lu..." he plead as he tilted his heart slightly, a soft hopefully smile adorning his lips.

Why was he like this? He had come here without a single thought- and still, none kept him back from continuing as he followed his heart. He knew she felt the same, he could see it in the way her voice softened, and within the words, she spoke. Her heart wanted it just as much as his did- "Was last summer a mistake?" he spoke again softly, warmly "We left on such a good note Lu- remember the evening before i left?" the moon elf recalled smilingly "Why must it end there? Why can't we be close again, if it felt that good to be?" His head argued slightly, it would only end up hurting one of them or both- he'd be like his dad, like Elros- but his heart beat louder as the two of them spend more time in front of eachother- he didn't care for the pain. First he wanted to live.

What was she so afraid of? Rhydians eyes hardened shortly as she argued their sunpeak should've been a mistake- yet found softness again when she agreed it hadn't been. Not for him, not for her. So why did it had to be? Was she perhaps as scared of closeness as he had been? And still was somewhere within his thoughts? Lumina had always had this sense of mystery to her, she held her heart behind a lock and there was little that could pry it open. But, he had. He had the key within his hands last sunpeak and by Lythrania how much he missed having it. Rhydians shaky breath filled the silence that fell between them as she choked on her words for a bit. His eyes once again met hers and right before she stole her strong and cold gaze back, he saw it falter.

Why did it have to? Why? Rhydians head shook side to side slowly as she once again distanced herself from him. Doubt filled his mind as he stance in front of her began to depend on shaky flooring. And for once, he was forced to listen to them- his thoughts. For they were louder than the beating of his own heart now. Why did she have to say such things? Why did she hurt herself as she did right now? Because for Lythranias sake, he knew she went against her own gut right now. Lumina never- let a silence weaken her words.  She never stayed to argue a choice that was completely her own if she didn't doubt it herself. Rhydian might have lost the key- but he still knew the woman in front of him through and through.

Many feelings pulled onto his heart as the silence between them merely grew. And for now, he was glad she didn't have to see any of them, as she looked away from him to avoid the same most likely. He felt a pain watching her leave him, an unjustified anger somewhere but mostly- mostly he felt desperation. He nodded slowly as he forced himself to think, wanting to find some sort of way neither of them had to feel this pain, because neither of them wanted to leave the other again - deep down. "Alright" he nodded as he reached for some kind of hope. He nodded "How about, and hear me out oke?" a smile crept onto his silly face "It ends here, like here here" he gestured towards the room as he slowly convinced himself of his own plan. "But- we can go elsewhere! You and me, a walk through your beloved city i barely know...how about that Lu?" he tilted his head as his look softened "I don't care in what way we go through life from now on- as long as we don't have to leave each other..." he sighed shakily as his enthusiasm changed into a bittersweet note "But- if you truly want me to leave completely, I will." he would never force her to do anything- if she wanted to break her own heart, the choice would be hers. Not his, never his.

Her train of thought went beyond her man's understanding. How could she think of herself as lowly as she did? Not only had she been a princess- but the way she went through life- the way she presented herself in prideful fashion and cold beauty- it had managed to take the breath from the man's chest many of times. Rhydian chuckled warmly, a flabbergasted tinge lingered on each note. For he could not comprehend how a woman like her, with all her grace and beauty could be thinking in the way she did.

Rhydian had never been one to be dumbfounded by love, he hated the attached feeling it came with, he hated to be weak for a woman like his father and best friend had been. Or more specifically, the thought of one day ending up like them, heartbroken, scared him enough to keep his heart at bay. Or so he thought. As one summer alongside her had fed it enough to keep beating for the time they weren't. Despite the trial, despite the error of his seaward endeavours, it had remained to beat on. And even when the awful pain had soared through his body, even when the tragedy of his journey clouded over him during the day- it was her of whom he thought in its wake.

Rhydian's throat closed off when she doubted his devotion- more so doubting herself in the progress. As it hit him he'd seen a side of her he never had seen before, standing in front of him wasn't the cold and proud Lumina he had met before. It was a woman whose life had been rather static, a woman doubting her worth, yet beautiful all the same. She was like him, a fool in love.  Rhydian followed when she moved back into her warmly lit room, feeling a relief being thrown over his strong shoulders upon entering her life once more. Her private room, her heart?

"I see no reasons" he mused warmly as he took of his coat and laid it upon the chair next to the beautifully decorated fireplace. "There are no reasons to leave if you do not want me too Lu" he continued as his look softened upon every word leaving his mouth. As for the first time in their conversation, he did not manage to keep his eyes away from her. They took in her beautiful face, her gorgeously shaped body and more importantly, the way she displayed herself in front of him. The way he had the key once more and was able t see past the doubt she cast around herself. She felt for him still- just as he did for her...

A small chuckle broke the heavy mood between them when she mentioned his family, "It is not godforsaken- it is never when you are in it" he smiled as he approached her, finally daring to lay his hand softly upon her shoulder. His eyebrows scrunched up as he looked for her gaze within that clouded face of her. "Lu- i do not care in what way I meet you,  in your bad and good days- i would never not want to be by your side." a smile quirked up around the corners of his mouth "If there are any reasons you gave me, it were reasons for me to stay with you. For as long as you let me" He hated it. Somewhere. The words she pulled from the depths of his heart, the inner feelings he usually hid away in fear of making himself look weak. But around her, he was already weak anyway. And that he did not mind one bit.

Loving her felt as though he´d ventured through bushes of thorns. It had hurt, it had asked of him a perseverance unmatched by anything else the world had to offer. But in the end, the sight of the roses had made it well worth it, for no beauty in the world could compare to their pink petals. Rhydian´s smile warmed upon meeting her beautifully cold gaze, as where others sought out spring or summer, Rhydian wanted nothing more than the cold winters of her eyes. Winter was cold, yet beautifully peaceful, calm and static. Its serenity and dangerous undertones made for a well-exciting adventure, and one Rhydian would never back down from.

He breathed softly within her close proximity, taking in every inch of her as if he was looking at all the jewels the universe had to offer- and yes, perhaps it made him a fool to love her as hardly as he did. Maybe he was belittling himself by falling to his knees for her, begging for her attention and heart, but these were simply the thorns he had to endure, in order to see the beautiful view of her and her striking personality. And that made it all worth it in the end, for he'd walk on burning coal just to get a glimpse of it, if she'd let him.

The short elf kept his eyes fixed on hers as the distance between them slightly narrowed, robbing him of his breath shortly. "Perhaps" he mused softly, as though he was afraid the walls would hear and rob them of their intimacy. "But I don't mind being a fool in this case" A small smirk appeared on the elf's face, however, lowered itself rather quickly when the woman in front of him took hold of his hand. It was crazy how much such a small gesture could shake out of a strong man such as him. It was as the story of the little butterfly, creating hurricanes with the faintest flap of it's wings.  A tiny wave that rippled into a massive one over time. It coursed through him, shook things lose within him in a matter of seconds, stunning him for a second as he was caught up into it.

She assured him she was not in need of saving, and he didn't need much in order to believe her word. After all, in all the time he had known her, she had proven to him not only her strength but also never-ending willpower and quick wit. Yet the elf could only hope the same thing counted for her spirit. The abstract part of her that strength wouldn't safe. Rhydian had a sense she wasn't strong there, for the words she spoke and the doubt she cast over their relationship in order to save herself from potential harm- it spoke louder than she ever could, yet Rhydian was in no position now to answer. For now, this would only cast her further away from him.

Caught up in her magical touch, Rhydian took a blind step forward, his heart beating faster whilst he did, his brows furrowing upward more. He bended his fingers over hers, rubbing his thumb softly over the soft skin of her hand in a loving manner. And there she went, with months of knowledge on her slightest facial expression he noted her falling. And he was more than prepared to catch her with both his arms. When she asked if he'd run away with her, he watched her raise an eyebrow. And he immediately knew she had let him back in. He knew that right now they stood intertwined, together.

And slowly he rose their hands, placing a soft kiss upon her knuckles as he moved his eyes upwards to meet hers. "I'd be a fool not to want that, and well- we've already established that I am haven't we lu?" he stated warmly, moving his other hand on top of their intertwined hands, his gaze softening once more "If I could, Lu, i'd-" he looked around him, his eyes sparkling in an enthusiastic manner, as though what he was about to say was bigger than the room they shared, he chuckled "If you want,  i'd walk beside you through every season, No matter how the wind blows, and in  any weather thrown at us, I wouldn't budge Not when i am with you, no matter the distance between us, no matter the hardships." he nodded his head "That I can promise you, I assure you Lu"

Their eyes met, their hands touched, the room few smaller, Lythrania was no more. The castle and it's inhabitants were no more. It was just them now, in a dimly lit room. Rhydian chuckled warmly "Gods Lu, the power you have over me" he shook his head but couldn't bear to break the eye contact they had. "You are with it though" he followed up with a confident smile. When he had come here on a whim, he had never expected to end up in her room- truly, he had expected nothing, he hadn't thought anything when he got onto his horse and strode over here. He simply felt, and experienced the need to see her once more, and now he stood here. In front of her and in her aura once more. And for the first time in a while, he wasn't an Aerendyl, he was not a failed captain, a wounded man or a nitwit- here he could simply be. In this room, he could be a fool and nothing more, a fool for her, a happy man with no past to keep him behind. Together they could be whatever they wanted to be, and nothing had felt more freeing in a long while.

He was beyond the thorns now, he thought as he looked at her, there was no going back now. No backing down, the fear of losing her felt so little now that he could almost taste the sensation of being with her and beside her. And now, now he could only hope she'd want him, as much as he wanted to be with her.

Her silence was delicate, one he did not fear nor challenge. It was as the calm of the waves at night, rhythmic-  and controlled. It hadn't lost its power to cut at the cliffs though, it still chipped it away piece by piece. It merely did this slowly, thoughtfully. Rhydian smiled as the seconds chipped at his rapidly beating heart, it's thuds reaching the vein in his neck, it's warmth correlating with the warmth of their touch. And suddenly the room around them grew even smaller when the elven princes spoke, as to him she'd always be a princess.

His blue eyes widened, his smile grew, and somewhere he swore he'd heard music play along with her beautiful words. He could this so many many things- so many words yet none would do his feelings, no their feelings justice. So instead of speaking, instead of destroying her beautiful silence, he rubbed his thumb over the side of her soft hand. A small touch, a little reminder of the grand feeling he carried for her, visualized in the sparkling of his eyes, the awe on his face when they met hers. It was just them, them and their feelings for eachother- how could he possibly name such a good thing? There was no better than best- yet tonight felt as though there was. A grand best, a better than best, A lumina and Rhydian- together. Feeling the same way- that was the closest thing there was to better than best.

When she cut at one of the words he'd used previously, Rhydian chuckled endearingly as he brought up his shoulders. If there was anyone walking around whom embodied everything he considered heavenly it would be the woman standing in front of him. He stepped closer. Untill nothing but a few centimetres of trapped air kept them apart from each other. Rhydian smiled as he looked at her fair face- loosening his gentle touch in order to bring it up to the side of her face. Caressing her jaw softly as he shortened the distance between them. one last time "Well- i'd certainly go on my knees for you Lu" he hummed with a playful tone in his voice as he finally dared to lean in. Bridging the last bit of space between the pair.