Healing

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

Thanks to magic, a lot of things just went a lot smoother than normally. The wounds that were scattered over his body were hard ones to fix, but everyday some healers came. Healing it bit by bit. if everything had just gone the way nature had intended it... Well then he would be dead. But he wasn't. Lucky him. Oh how lucky he really was. He could almost scoff at it. But he knew it wasn't fair to the people he would leave behind. So he was happy for them. Now that some time had passed it was time for him to collect himself again. His dazed mind had found some sort of stability again. He still had nightmares, he still woke up in tears from time to time, but his responses had been less intense. He was getting used to them, was getting used to the horrors that were roaming around in his head. He still felt so conflicted, mostly because he just couldn't get an opportunity to talk with the one person that needed it the most. Well... He needed it too, if he was being completely honest. But he had to find a way to apologize to Ezekiel. Just him and the other. Because it would be a moment where he would have to be honest, where he had to lay it all out on the table. And even though he trusted Shyam with his life, he knew his nephew would never share anything with him as long as the other was with him.

So, he already had a plan. Of course he had one, he always had a plan... Or something. Well, it was still a work in process really. But he knew that he could get it all working once all the pieces were in place. Shy would never have to know, but Myr already knew that he would tell the other afterwards. Because he wanted the man to trust him. And he had learned through the years that hiding away things, simply resulted in difficult complex situations that no-one needed. But for now, he would keep quiet about everything. The guard was on full alert and the blond could feel it every time he looked at him. He was on edge, on the defence. And it didn't matter what brave face he put on, he could see right through it. Shyam was terrified of losing him. Not as his job, but as something more. And now that they all got confronted by how easily that could be achieved, he knew it would haunt him. It was only human to do so.

The other had left and had been gone for longer then other times. The healers even had time to preform some of their magic on his lower body. The wounds on his stomach had been gruesome, is what they had told him. But now they were nothing more then rather stable things. He could look at them without passing out. They were healing nicely and they told him that soon enough he wouldn't have to worry about those anymore. He would remain sensitive in the area for quite some time afterwards, but the wounds would be gone. Scars would take their place... And he honestly was fine with that. If it was just a few scars, then so be it. At least he wouldn't have to suffer anymore or remain in this bed. Because, well, he had to admit that remaining there had become quite boring. Myrddin was normally a very busy man, always doing something. And whereas the first few days he had been easy going, now... They were drifting into territory he had been before; restlessness. This wasn't his first near death experience. With the last one he was already back on his feet after a few days, going against everyone's advice and concern. Why? Because he was stubborn and anxious. He needed to do something or he felt useless. It was as simple as that.

The healers mentioned that his legs had been broken in the incident and healing magic couldn't really properly heal bones as efficiently as they healed wounds. So, where they had already taken care of some of the wounds on his legs, he would still have to be careful with his broken bones. They clarified the healing process would be swifter with magic, but that it simply couldn't be healed all the way with just magic. Time was needed as well. He was fine with that, honestly, because it meant he wouldn't lose a leg. If he had to lose a leg, then it was all over for him. He wouldn't be able to preform his job anymore, he wouldn't be able to dance anymore. He would be completely useless. But once again, he had been a lucky lad. Oh praise the gods how lucky he was... Soon enough he would be allowed to leave his bed again. With a splint and crouches of course. But that was fine. It would allow him to get back a bit of freedom he had lost in the incident.

The healers had left, but he didn't remain alone for long. Shyam entered after a gentle knock and the blond man looked over to him. As he carefully followed the other, a smile curled on his lips. He had a basket of fruit with him, which was sweet... But Myrddin actually didn't like a lot of fruit. Perhaps an apple...? Or one of those Lythrania dragon fruits, but all the rest was just as difficult to him as any other complex meal. And Shy knew this, but that wasn't even the point. Because despite it all, it was all about the gesture and why he had done it. He filled his glass of water and eventually went to the window to open it up. He looked at him, neatly folding his hands over each other as they rested on his sketchbook, which was neatly placed on top of him. It was after that, that he joined him and spoke. And he couldn't help but smile as he looked over the others face. That soft, warm feeling dropping back in his stomach as it made him feel... Simply alright about it all.

'Healers came,' he signed to the other. 'Soon back to work,' Partially a lie as they had told him to take it easy the first few weeks, especially with the splint. But Myrddin wasn't one to follow advice. They were all being too careful anyway. He just wouldn't push himself and when it hurt, he would sit down. It wasn't that difficult really. Just listen to your body and move on. The man looked over to the basket of fruit, a soft chuckle coming from his lips as he started to sign. 'All for me?' If that really was the case, it would be a game of; hey shy you should try this. And then just give him the entire piece of fruit. Although funny, he knew the other was a bit concerned. He hadn't been eating well the whole time while recovering. Which, in a way, wasn't a surprise. Myrddin had always been a difficult eater, especially in high stress situations. He just gravitated to whatever he was familiar with. Which honestly, wasn't a lot... Sadly enough. His gaze went back to Shyam as he looked at him, patiently waiting. He hadn't even noticed what he had brought with him. He was just happy to see him and that was all that mattered.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

A part of him wasn't looking forward to going back to work. He was still exhausted and his body still felt so heavy. He had no idea how long this was going to last. When would he be able to get some descent sleep? When would he be able to think straight again? At this rate he was honestly afraid that his mental well being had taken the biggest blow. Because the mere thought of doing something wrongly right now, terrified him. Fear of failure. It had never been so bad before and he didn't know who to talk to about it. It felt so puny next to everything else, like it was something he wasn't even allowed to feel concerned about. There were much greater things that needed more attention. Things he needed to fix or prevent. Such as the aftermath of whatever his mother would do after she would hear about this. It felt like he was responsible for the damage she was bound to make to this family. And in a way, it really was. Because it was all his fault anyway.

Shy smiled back at him, stating he had seen the healers. Yea... It was rare for him to be alone these days. If the guard wasn't at his side, it were either healers or other company that was in the room with him. Zero privacy whatsoever. It did annoy him somewhat... And over the past few days he had found it tiring. But he knew it wasn't as bad as they must feel, so kept quiet about it. Like how he kept quiet about so much else. About how he still felt pain in some areas or how bad he really was. At first it had been hard to hide it all away. But over the days it had become more and more easy. It was his to blame after all and so his burden to carry. He didn't want anyone else to feel like he felt; because this was just awful. And he had done enough damage already. Shy stated he wasn't naïve and Myr looked at him, putting on a tiny smirk on his lips. 'What? You're gonna tie me to the bed?' He signed to the other as he raised a brow, tilting his head a bit. He couldn't help himself as he stuck out his tongue a bit as he gently bit down on it, teasing the other. Now that would be something else entirely.

He chuckled when the other stated he had to eat as well. Very true. He averted his eyes as Shy's dog grabbed his attention. The canine placed his head on the side of the bed and the blond man slowly lifted his hand so he could pet the creature. Sweet little thing it was. This made him crave a pet even more. Or maybe he should just simply ask the other if they could divide the responsibilities. Because Myrddin didn't only want to have the good, he also wanted to take the bad with it. It was part of the responsibility after all. As he was drifting off in his thoughts, he could barely hear the other. He looked up, tilting his head a bit. Oh... yea eating. He looked at the apple, which was placed next to his water, but quickly looked back at the black haired man. His hand still resting on Finn's head as he gently pet the creature. It was peaceful today, which was good. There was just enough going on to keep his minds off doom scenario's, but also not too much to overwhelm him. It was just perfect.

He asked how he was feeling. And he pressed on to be truthful, something that caused him to avert his eyes. He didn't want to state how he really felt. Because if he did, he would be bound to this bed and room even longer. He couldn't do that, he wouldn't allow it. If he slacked any more, serious damage could be done. And he didn't want to have any problems at hand then there already were. His concerns, his issues, were just something he had to figure out. Stubborn as he was, he held onto the idea that he had to do that alone. Showing any more weakness to the people around him would only cause more issues. So, he nodded, but didn't look at the other as he did. His grey eyes focussing on Finn as he lifted his hands a bit. 'I'm good, still tired,' Tired, more like exhausted. His body and mind were still at the end of their capabilities. Yet, with the little time he had, he had already put some energy in putting those walls back up. It was necessary, because it was his job. 'The pain is better' But not gone. He still needed his medication on the daily. 'I'm fine,' he signed once more as to really confirm it. Perhaps more with himself then the other.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

A hard worker... Or something. Perhaps more a perfectionist. It was more about the fact that he hadn't seen his mother yet. So, if he quickly recovered and got back to work before she returned, then she wouldn't have to know. She wouldn't have a reason to get angry at anyone but him for slacking off. And that was fine, because he was used to it at this point. It wasn't easy, but it never was in his life. What was one more struggle to the pile? He could handle it. It was his job. He had to keep his mother away from Ezekiel and had to make sure that Shy's job wouldn't be in any danger. He wasn't sure if taking all the blame on himself would be enough. He had to prepared, the sooner the better.

Myr replied to him in a teasing matter. In reality, the other couldn't make him do anything. He was still, in some ways, his boss master. So if he decided on something, then that was what was going to happen. Unless the other decided to be more in charge. It was something the blond man couldn't deny. He wasn't very assertive or a leader type in the slightest and if anything, he much rather left those things in the hands of more capable men. Mostly because he doubted himself so much. Perhaps that was also the reason why he was so lose with the other and allowed so much with him. That and he was biased, of course, but he would never mention that. Shyam replied to his words and he smiled at him. Well... But the other didn't leave it at that as he went back to something that had happened... Not so long ago. A slight blush crept on his face as he shook his head, slightly smiling. 'Maybe,' he only signed as he looked over at the other, stiking out his tongue ever so slightly. He wouldn't mind, not if it was him.

Of course Shy wanted to be the serious, responsible guard he was and he just looked at him. He was kind of hot when he demanded him around like that. Once again Myrddin couldn't help himself as he bit his lip ever so slightly. He had to eat, strengthen up. Now that his mind was already in the gutter he couldn't help himself. Especially when Shy added even more to it. He wouldn't last hm? 'Maybe I'm more in the mood for something else,' he signed at the other, lifting his brows ever so slightly. Damn. The other was lucky he wasn't so mobile right now, because he would have surely gone closer to him with those words. Ever since that day he just couldn't help himself anymore. Not when they were alone, something that seemed to happen a lot as of late. He tilted his head a bit, showing off another innocent smile at the other. 'Don't underestimate me,'

And just like that, they had to talk about other things, like how he was feeling. Myrddin clearly wanted to be done with it quickly and lied his way through it, something that Shy wasn't all too pleased with. So, he asked him once more. He wanted to see it, while looking him in the eye. The blond man sighed softly as he looked at the door for a moment. Way to ruin the mood. It almost made him think that the other didn't want any of this. But he quickly shook that feeling off. He already had enough doubts on his mind, he didn't need any more. His grey eyes slowly went to the other. He looked over his face, his expression shifting to a more neutral one. The young man pushed himself a bit upwards, forcing his body to sit more upright... His face shifted a bit as some parts of his body clearly didn't agree with his movement, but he didn't care. As soon as he sat more upright, he moved his hands upwards, reaching out to the other, nodding a bit as he gestured to take his hand. Come here you idiot.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

He was worried for them. For Shyam and for Ezekiel. And he was powerless to do anything about, to change something about it. Because he was stuck in this bed, bound by his broken body. He hated it oh... So much. Just as much as he hated it back when he almost died as a kid. But back then he had been able to stand up, walk around, do things. He just had to rest for all the blood he had lost. Now he was physically restricted from doing almost anything. And it was silently driving him more and more insane. It was hard, but he couldn't really mention it or bring it up... Could he? The only one that would listen to his request was Shyam and he would surely decline it, stating it would be better for him to rest, remain here, to stay here. He had taken his job so damn serious after everything. And he couldn't blame him at all. Yet, he still craved for it. Would he ever dare to ask him? Maybe... he would, once things had settled down more. If only he could hold onto his sanity for that much longer.

The teasing was nothing new and Myrddin playfully went along with him. The smile on his lips widened as he signed at him. These stupid little things always made him happy. They were the simple things in life that just made it all worth it. But he knew that it wasn't the situation or the way they were talking. No. The real reason he felt this joyful feeling roll over him was simply because the other was with him. Every time when he laid his gaze on him, he felt it once more. It was stupid how much he cared for him and how much he would give for the other, if he only could. Because he was his happiness, the reason why he kept on smiling despite all the bad. And there he went again. He couldn't help but chuckle a bit as he finished up. 'Entirely,' he signed slowly as he tilted his head, averting his eyes to the ceiling as he frowned, almost as if he was lost in deep thought. Of course the other said these things just to push him in the right direction. He was worried, he made a little game out of it. And he... He was sick. He didn't want the other to worry for him. There had already been enough to worry about for the past few days. 'Why do you love teasing me so much?' he eventually signed, looking back at him. A small smile still remaining on his lips. Was it fun? Maybe that was it. But was that the sole reason...? Maybe not.

He would never get used to the pain that forced it's way through his body when he moved. But it was getting better, he could tell. The healers really did their job well. Especially for such an extreme situation like his. As he held out his hand to the other, he looked at him. The smile had faded as he just awaited for a response. He hoped... That the other wasn't too upset. Because he had sounded upset just a moment ago. He didn't like it, didn't he? But then he moved. His hand slowly being placed in his. The blond man blinked slowly as he saw the brow raise up. Don't be so impatient... His grey gaze shifted to their hands as his fingers slowly intertwined with his. He was getting stronger by the day, but it still wasn't what it was supposed to be. Yet, better meant more than nothing. And that was all that really mattered in the end. His hand guided his closer to him. As he tilted his head to press his lips against the back of it, closing his eyes for just a moment... As he let his head rest against him. All he wanted was for him to be close, to embrace him... It was all he needed to be better. His medicine.

After some moments he opened his eyes, slowly looking up at the other. As his hand let go of his he started to sign once more. 'I'm tired,' He paused for a moment as he let that sink in. He had been tired for so long. And he had pushed himself through all that fatigue. But now... His body was finally catching up with how he was feeling on the inside. 'Sleeping doesn't really help,' Because his dreams were filled with horrid scenes that forced him to wake every now and then. But Shy knew this. He had seen him wake in a state of panic plenty of times now. 'My legs hurt,' But that wasn't a surprise. They had gotten the worst of it all. 'But it's manageable,' Nothing he couldn't handle. All that physical hurt and those problems... They were all a fraction of what really bothered him. 'Truthfully...' He averted his eyes when he signed that, not really sure what he could even say... There were no exact words that could describe his feelings, his desire. But he could try, so he did. Slowly lifting his hands as he started to sign. 'I just want a distraction,' something to keep his mind busy. It were just those simple words, which would hopefully be more then enough to the other, that all pointed in one direction. He didn't want to think, didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. Because at moments like that he focused on the bad, the pain, the horrid. He didn't want that. He didn't want to face that trauma. Not yet.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

He had always been the kind of man to hide away his issues. It wasn't exclusive to Shy, or his family, or anyone for that matter. Myrddin was just the kind of guy to rarely share his problems with others. Emotionally he was kind of stunted as well due to how he was raised and how he had responded to several... Things. Now he just didn't know how and when was the right time to be honest with himself and the people around him. He knew he could trust Shy, of course he could. And he would. But it was rooted way deeper than just 'trust'. It was his job to keep these things from him, it was his job to be an example. It was his job to be that perfect son his mother wanted. It was his job to not let weakness be known, to anyone. Because if the others saw how easily they could take him out, then... All respect would be gone, wouldn't it? Everything he had worked for would be in vain. He didn't have a choice.... He really didn't have a choice to be himself.

When he asked the other about the teasing, he replied in a way that he hadn't expected. It made him smile. He blinked in surprise but couldn't help himself. The corners of his mouth turned up at those words. Really, what an idiot he was. He truly was too kind for him. The guard eventually went on to say that it made him feel better. The blond man tilted his head as he smiled at him, almost admiring him as he spoke. It was such a stupid thing, but he had taken note of it. The other truly was something special... And he most likely didn't even realize it. He nodded ever so slightly to confirm his words but kept it at that. That warm fuzzy feeling that slowly crept up on him was more than enough for him.

And then he simply told the other what had been on his mind, kind of. First telling the other once more that he was doing better. Of course, he was. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be able to keep something like this. His body had been exhausted ever since the incident, which wasn't much of a surprise. It was busy with recovering from his near-death experience. It wasn't just something you could walk off as if it was nothing. He was stubborn, but not dumb. Eventually he had asked for the thing he wanted the most, a distraction. And Shy, well, he quickly responded to. He almost sounded a bit desperate, which broke his heart a little. He... He didn't want the other to feel like that. He needed him to get better... He averted his eyes when he heard this. He knew that he knew that all too well. He needed to get better for everyone’s sake. And then he asked what he wanted, what kind of distraction...

He looked at his hands for a moment when he asked that of him. His mind had already made up what he wanted, but he wasn't sure how the other would respond to it. He had said anything... But would that really be anything...? He slowly blinked, looking back at the other before averting his eyes again. 'I hate being here,' he signed at the other. 'I want to go outside, I want to work. I don't want to be in this bed,' Call him a workaholic or whatever, but that was just the way he was. He needed something to keep his mind occupied. 'Last time it drove me crazy. I don't want to feel like that again,' He averted his eyes from his hand, to slowly look outside. He didn't want to be like that ever again. Because if he did, he would hate himself even more. He would do things that he would regret... And all his work would be for nothing. He couldn't allow that.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

Normally, he was just strong enough to hold on, to keep up with his extremely busy schedule. It was something that kept his mind occupied so he didn't have the time to be worried about everything that still lingered in his brain. About the future and the mistakes, he had made. He was the type of guy to worry about everything if he could. And that's why this was one of the most dangerous things for him to do; to be left alone with his thoughts. His biggest enemy was still himself; he knew that much. Because those degrading and hateful things that kept on lingering in his head... They couldn't be healthy, for anyone. Yet, he couldn't push them out, he couldn't get rid of them. There was a strange sense of familiarity with that kind of thinking. Stability that kept driving him forward to be better. To strive more and more to that image he was supposed to be.

Distractions were therefore a welcome change of pace. Because, in the long run, these thoughts would drive him insane. Especially because he couldn't go anywhere or do anything with them. He was trapped in his own body, in this bed... And it was slowly getting to him. It was already a lot for him to admit to those weaknesses and made them be known. In the past he had always done things on his own, pushing people away in an effort to protect himself. To stand up for himself, because in reality there was no-one who would catch him if he gave in. Shyam spoke in a stern way, stating that he wasn't going to work. He looked at his hands for a moment when the other said this. Whatever he said, went anyway. So there wasn't much he could say to change his mind. It frustrated him somewhat... Or perhaps even a lot.

But then he spoke, stating that they could go outside. He looked up at the other as soon as he said that a spark of excitement in his eyes. That was until the other went on. Balcony... The blonde man averted his eyes again as he felt his heart sink in his chest again. That wasn't really what he imagined, but it would have to do. The sorcerer nodded slowly as a sigh left his lips. He understood all too well that Shyam was trying his best within the limits of what he could do. But sometimes that overprotective nature of him really felt suffocating. It was something that really got to him, since it was both the thing he adored about him, but it also frustrated him sometimes. It was all so difficult and complex... He wished he didn't have those bad thoughts lingering in his mind, demanding those pessimistic feelings to prosper within him. 'I'm sorry,' he signed slowly as he kept his gaze fixated on his hands. 'I know you're just trying to do what's best for me,' He knew, but it was hard to bow his head to it. He was a stubborn creature after all.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

In a lot of ways, Myrddin needed a counter weight to push him back in place. Almost as if it were a reality check, in a way. And for the past few weeks, if not months, this man before him had been that weight. It had been an irritating thing at first, but then he had found to appreciate it. Now, that he was at his lowest, he wasn't sure how to feel about it. After all he knew that Shyam was merely doing his job. But he also wanted him to just cast it all away for once. He was aware that he was terrified of losing him and that it was for even more than just his job. They had become so much more than just friends. His moon in the most beautiful starry nights. Without him, the universe would suddenly feel so very empty. His heart trembled at the thought of him being away from him. But mind and heart, they didn't see eye to eye. Logic and emotions in an never lasting argument. He had to get back to work, he had to do the things he had to do. Or... It would have been all for nothing. He would become that useless thing he so feared. So... His mind was fighting back against it. But he somewhat gave in, just like how gave in. It would seem they really had a soft spot for one another.

He sighed and started to speak. The heir lifted his gaze as he looked at him, listening to his voice as he slowly nodded. A promise was made in that moment and Myrddin smiled at those words. If he were to ask him to run away with him... Would he...? He blinked slowly as he quickly shoved that thought back to the back of his mind. It had been lingering around, but it had caught him off guard now that it showed its head once more. He nodded once again, lifting his hands as he started to sign. 'It's a promise,' he signed at him with the gentlest smiles on his lips. His eyes softly twinkling with the slightest joy he felt, but mostly filled with adoration for the other. 'Thank you,' He went on. His smile widened slowly as he tilted his head a bit. He looked over the others face once more, looking at every inch of it. It was as if he was looking at the most precious thing in the world. HIs gaze softening up more by the second as he finally signed once more. 'Did you know I love you,' Oh by Lythrana. He loved this man more than he would ever be able to put down in words.

He looked at the other as he came closer, lowering himself to finally be close to him again. He listened to the other, nodded, and looked down at his legs for a moment. It was as if he was hesitant about his decision now, but that feeling quickly seemed to fade from him as his gaze went back to the guard. He pushed himself more upwards, turning his upper body and placing his arms around the others neck. He pulled himself in slowly, feeling his body already shift under the pressure he was forcing on it. The first few things he noted, was the pain, but also the weakness he felt in his arms. He was already slightly shaking from such an action... He really was getting weak. He held his breath as he clenched his jaw, clearly holding back a whimper as he pressed his face against the others neck. Sheltering himself slowly against him, trying to hide away from the pain that was already rolling over his body.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

If he actually thought about this, he realized this was a stupid idea. He was already in pain and movement just made it worse. Yet, he wanted to go. Because to him, pain was but a mere hindrance for him alone. And the world couldn't wait on him. If he didn't, then everything would catch up to him and he would be left behind. It was the thing he was most afraid of. That all his effort would be in vain and he would lose it because of one slip up. He already knew he had lost a lot because of the incident. And that wasn't only the harm that had been done to his body. But to the structure of the guards and relationships within this family. Nothing would be the same ever again and the blonde man knew that it couldn't be a good change. It never was a good change within these walls. And as soon as his mother would be back he was sure that her backlash would be felt through the entire city. He would get punished, but he was used to it by now. All he really wanted was for the people he loved to be left alone. If only he could carry their accusations as well. And he knew he would try to do so, but only time would prove to him if it would actually work. Because well... The universe just loved to not let things work out for him. He was certain that some sort of higher being just loved seeing him struggle. Because sometimes it was just laughable at how much misfortune he got handed to him. And sometimes it made him wonder if he really was as bad a person to deserve all of it. Yet, each time when he did question that, all he could say was yes. Because he was awful in his own eyes and everything that happened, happened for a reason...

Shyam's words were able to put a smile on his face. Despite those negative thoughts rolling over him, it all seemed to get overshadowed by that small feeling that sparked in his chest. First giving him a light feeling in his chest, that became more heavy and widespread as the seconds went on. Myrddin wanted to snuggle up against him and simply listen to him talk all day long. His soothing voice telling him about his day, or even some silly story he made up. Anything just to hear more from him. He loved his touch, his smell, his voice. Every part of him made his heart flutter and pushed back all those bad things that came forward when he was on his own. With him he just became that much better. With him he actually liked himself, something he had never done before. Because if it hadn't been for this cruel life, would he had ever met the other? The answer would most likely be a no. Although, the romantic in him liked to believe that they would. In any universe, alternate timeline or different lifetime... He liked to believe that they would find each other one way or another. They were simply meant for one another, despite whatever the world told them.

Yet, even with happy, dreamy thoughts, it was hard to keep his pain at bay. Biting down on his lip he couldn't help himself every now and then as soft noises left his mouth. First when Shyam pulled him off the bed and his weight seemed to shift around, causing him quite the discomforting and painful feeling. Another whimper was quite audible when he was opening the door to the balcony. Not that the blonde man knew what he was doing, as he had pressed his face against his neck, covering himself as much up as to hope and get shelter from all this pain that was washing over him. The words that the other spoke to him were sweet and he knew it was meant in a good way, yet he couldn't look up and even offer him a smile. He was afraid that if he tried, he would burst out into tears because of the pain... And when he did that, he knew Shy would never agree to something ever again.

He could feel the slightest change of temperature from inside... As he slowly turned his face. His breathing heavy as his lips were slightly hovering above the others skin. His gaze had to adjust for a second, but as soon as he was used to the light... He moved his head slowly upwards. Tears slowly running down his cheek as he tried to remain calm. The other gave him a way to get out of his own personal hell. Yet, he didn't, as he kept on looking over the sight he had seen so many times before. And he saw the bakery that was just visible from here, and that one ugly tree he wanted gone from the garden. The fountain he liked to draw at and the training ground where men were sparring. He blinked slowly, looking at each detail as if he had never seen them before; as if they were all new scenario's for him. To eventually look up to the man who was holding him. His greyish eyes almost pleading as he stared up. A soft noise, which was something akin to a whimpering sound, left his lips. Once... And then twice... Before he closed his eyes and pushed his head against the other, pulling himself in closer as much as he could. And as he did, his body started to shake ever so slightly. And the pain and emotions all came down on him, slowly forming cracks... Until eventually that shattered as well and he started to sob. And where he would be softly crying normally, he was really being vocal now. Whimpering, sobbing and letting out noises that would almost seem at attempts of speaking.

By the gods he was absolutely terrified of what future they even had together. He couldn't lose him. Not in this universe, not this timeline, not this life. He couldn't live his life again like that; without colour, without taste, without truly living. And he was so scared of living a life without him in it. After all, life would die when one took away it's sun.

❝ But despite it all, I was powerless ❞

For someone to feel this kind of despair, something quite drastic must be bound to happen. And even though he wasn't sure what it was, that little voice in the back of his mind was nagging away that it was sure to show it's ugly little head. And he knew it would. It would come in the shape of his mother, lady Vylasar herself that would return and unleash her wrath upon those who were responsible for this mess. That would be Ezekiel, himself and most likely Shyam too. His brother had been the one to do the damage, he had been the one to initiate it all and... The other? Well, he was supposed to be the one preventing things like this. And he felt guilty, because he had told him that day that he was fine and he could sleep in or do something else. He had just been up early, was about to do a morning walk in the garden when he had seen the silver haired man. And he had thought that he could do it this time, he could live up to his title. But the only thing he had proven was how stupid he really was. And now some of the most important people in his life were going to get punished. All because he was an idiot, a failure, a good for nothing.

So he cried. It was all he was good for lately. And he hated it. He was quite the sensitive and emotional person, but he had learned to hide away behind a mask, never really showing what was going on with him. But now that he seemed to be back at his lowest, he could no longer hide it. Tears ran down his cheeks as he sobbed, slightly shivering as he did. He was terrified of what was going to happen to his dearest. Really, he was. And it was stupid of him to cry about it. But with the pain and the overwhelming promise of a horrid future... It just came down on him as toxic rain. Eating away at him at such a rapid pace that he couldn't keep up. He couldn't do it anymore, he wanted to stop. He didn't want to be here anymore. His grey eyes went to the dark-haired man as he felt him move, the motion bringing him slight jabs of pain every so often. He bit his lower lip, but soft sounding whimpers managed to escape regardless. He really was a mess. So... He laid his head against his chest, feeling the other gently cradle him as he lifted his hand, clenching onto his shirt as he hid away his face in it.

When he heard his voice, he pushed himself closer to him. Letting the tears run down his face for as long as need be. And for the next minutes that was all he did; cry... Whimper... Sob. He let his panic and sorrow wash over him. And after some time he started to calm down. The noises he was making became more silent, the shaking becoming less violent. Until, eventually, both of those things completely died down. The sorcerer slowly leaned back, his eyes puffy from crying and his face flushed from the emotions that had come over him. His light-coloured gaze went upwards, looking at his guardian for a split second before raising his hands. 'What about you?' he signed slowly at him, putting his head against his chest as he looked up at him. Seated, he had been able to shift some of his weight a bit back, allowing less pain to be present, and it was showing. The man seemed calmer, but perhaps that was also due to the fact that he was emotionally drained from the crying he had just done. The blonde slowly lifted on hand, letting his fingers trace the others face, from his cheek to his hair... Where he slowly pushed back some astray strands of hair that had fallen out of line.