[FOF] I'm the one to blame

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

A smile rose on his lips as he exchanged some coin with a costumer, Frida handing him a cup of soup that she had just poured for him. "Thank you and have a nice day," He said with a nod. The wood elf next to him did the same, before going back to the pot that was keeping said substance warm. The boy tilted his head as he took a couple of steps back. His glove covered hands reached for some wood he had prepared yesterday evening. As he shook them to get rid of some of the snow before turning to the fire. With a quick movement he placed the blocks on top of it, creating some crackling sounds in the process. It didn't take long for the new wood to catch fire and make the flame even bigger. "Looking good," She said. His dark eyes went to the woman, a soft smile on his lips. "It's just a fire, anyone can keep it going if they use their brain," She chuckled and he frowned. His free hand reached for the iron bar and he quickly grabbed hold of the wooden polished handle. "You'd be surprised," the wood elf said. "Back when I helped some folk travel through Avalon I taught them how to make a fire, since some of them didn't know how to do it," Polaris silently hummed, already understanding where this story was going. His gaze going back to the fire as he poked it with the iron thing. Some of the burning wood collapsed, creating some open places that allowed for a current and air. He knew from his studies this would help with making a bigger flame. He had done plenty of research on fire back when he was still trying to wield sun magic. "And even after weeks, they still did not understand the simplest things of the craft," The boy showed a small smile. "Some people are better at other stuff," Just like how he wasn't great at anything physical and had a curse on his body. Nobody was perfect.

Frida kept on talking while Polaris stared off into the fire. He was too zoned out to really hear what she was saying. Too lost in his own memories to care what she had to say. As his positive expression slowly faded he thought back at his life in Xaila. The dancing flames looking so much as the fire his brother would wield whenever they would practice... Or he would practice. All he did was stand by and cheer him on. Because, back then, he was still the disappointment son. Not that that ever changed. He had never been able to be a proper mage like the rest of his family. He had tried so hard, had studied so much. He could still remember how he had made his own spell book, filled with things that not even his brother could think off. But it didn't matter if his spells were good, great even, because they never were used. He couldn't wield it, couldn't bring the flames forth. This was perhaps the closest he would ever come to wielding some sort of sun magic. A sigh left his lips as he poked the wood again with the iron bar. What would their parents have done if they knew back then what he knew now? Would they have cast him aside sooner then they had done? Who even cared for merfolk anyway? They were useless creatures. People would call lycanthropy a curse, but the had he had been dealt just came as close. He never wanted this, he never wanted to be born some sort of creature. He wanted to be human, like the people around him. Not some sort of beast that could be seen as a trophy.

"Hey?" A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked in surprise, looking up at the person in question. "You okay?" The boy silently hummed. "Yea..." He said, the clear sober expression was something he couldn't get rid off. Every time again and again, when he thought about it... It just dragged him down. He couldn't help himself. It had become a part of him, his mentality and his history. Everything bad that had ever happened to him was due to the fact he was born like one of them. "I'm going for a walk," He said, placing the iron bar against the stall. Without really looking at Frida, he rose to his full length, turned away and just... Started walking.

The festivities of the festival were nice. It reminded him a lot of Xaila and Lemuria's festivals... But... colder. Although he didn't really like the temperatures, it did bring some charm to the holidays and the market that the other nations didn't have. Seeing people all huddled together and celebrating the end of the year... It was nice. Seeing how they shared drinks and food, buying little trinkets for their loved ones... It made him sigh once more. He really wanted to get something for Sigma. Just... Something. But every time when he looked over some stalls, he just couldn't see something that he was sure of. Nothing grabbed his attention and really made it clear to him; this is what his brother would want. Nothing... Because... And this came as quite the harsh realization, but... They had become strangers to one another. Hiding away their secrets and stories, things that had been oh so easily shared in the past. And the only one that was to blame for that was himself. He was the one that ran away, left him behind. A sigh left his lips, more saddened then before. He came to a halt in front of a stall that seemed to sell some items with some magical properties. The man tilted his head and turned towards the goods, slowly observing them. Maybe... These could make a nice gift?

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

Another year had passed, soon they would go in a new year. Yet, he felt like he was slugging behind, like he was living in the past. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that yet another year had passed. It wasn't even a year that he was living with his mentor, he had even found his brother back. Still, he felt as lonely as ever. This would be the first time that he wouldn't be with his parents for the new year. It had been years since he had seen his brother around this time of year, and it should be a good thing now that he had found Polaris back. Yet, he didn't know how to feel about it. So much was still uncertain, he and his brother hadn't actually talked yet. Sigma was afraid that once Larry knew what had happened, he would hate him. And would leave again. Just the thought of being all alone again, no, he couldn't. A shiver went down his spine, while he scrolled over the market. He had no idea where he was going, he was that far lost in his thought. Lately, Sigma had experienced a lot of anxiety, which one again, made his magic unstable. His arms hurt and the bandages went up all the way to his shoulders this time. He was thinking about everything that had happened and everything he hadn't told Polaris. There should be a time and place to talk, just the two of them. Maybe when his mentor would be out. But, now that he thinks about it, their house was almost a dead give away for what kind of man his mentor was. So, that wasn't the best idea after all. Sigma shuddered and buried his head deeper in his scarf. Just like the past few days, the idea popped in his head that maybe it would've been better if he hadn't found Polaris back. It would have cost him a lot less anxiety, that was for sure. He just had to be honest, but being honest about the things he had endured. Sigma shook his head, seemingly random and looked up. Speak of the devil and he will appear, Polaris stood there, just a few meters away from him. The blond boy took a deep breath and felt how his body started shaking from the anxiety. He was scared, scared of his own flesh and blood, his own brother. Because he was scared of what he had done. But there was no turning back now.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

His eyes went over the items, pausing for a moment at every item to contemplate if it would make a nice gift. But he just... Couldn't imagine any of these would be of any use to his brother. He let out a sigh as he pushed his scarf a bit more up, the bitter cold taking hold of his face. He didn't like it, but he had to deal with it. At least it was better then the humid weather in Avalon he had to endure. His dark eyes shot to the sky as clouds started to pack. Maybe he should go back. He couldn't have himself be trapped somewhere because it started to snow. Even though he hadn't tested his theory yet, to see if ice and snow would transform him too, he wasn't about to risk it in public. So with one more glance over the stand, he turned away. His eyes going to the ground. Was he ever going to experience any freedom? Well, in a sense he already was. Compared to what had happened the past few years, this was a luxury. The fact that he couldn't go anywhere he wanted or even be out when there was a chance of rain... It really made him think how other merfolk did it. How did they live out their days without being found out? Or maybe they didn't... And that's why he hadn't met another of his kind yet. Not the most positive thought, but a realistic one.... Sadly.

When he looked back up he came to a halt right away. "Sigma!" He said with clear surprise in his voice. His eyebrows rose a bit as a smile came on his lips. Well, wasn't the universe being funny with this one? He showed the other a kind expression as he stepped closer. "Also enjoying the market?" he asked with his soft voice. The dark haired man let his eyes go to his feet once more, feeling a rush of stress pull over him from the fact that it was getting more cloudy. And as he did, he observed that the other was... Shaking? He tilted his head a bit, slowly looking back at him. "Hey... Are you okay?" He asked his brother softly. "Are you cold?" He went on. "The place I'm staying at isn't far, we can go there, if you want," It was the place he wanted to go to, because it had become his safe haven. He had the entire attic to himself and they even had some extra rooms for guests. Besides, everyone was busy with the market, so he was sure that the old man wouldn't mind him bringing Sigma over.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

He was spotted, but the sound of his brothers voice didn't bring him joy, it only made him shake even harder. He wanted to be happy, he wanted them to be a happy family again. But he was not sure if he could still provide that. Voices in the back of his mind had returned in the past few weeks, the voices that he had buried so deep. Even now, the voice of Polaris was overshadowed by a single word. Murderer. In the past weeks, it had come to him that he could be, and probably was, a danger to his brother. After the accident back home, after him losing his twin brother, he didn't see himself fit to be a family man again. And now, Polaris was asking that of him, to be a family again. To look at the dark haired boy and call him brother. But he didn't know what Sigma had done, what had happened to him. The blond boy shook his head when he finally understood the question that was asked of him. He wasn't cold, he just felt sick, sick in his stomach, sick of himself. Polaris offered to bring him back home, to where he was staying. A kind gesture, something only his brother would do. And that, that gesture, broke the young mage. Tears ran down his face, while he tried to hide himself deeper in his scarf. He wasn't worth it, all this warmth and kindness. He should just be alone and in training with his mentor, the one who taught him a magic that was just as dangerous and he was. That, that should have been his life now.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

His smile slowly faded as he observed the other change in expression. He didn't look so good. Perhaps it was more then being cold. Was he sick maybe? Or had something happened. A concerned look came on his face as he frowned slightly. It would never cross his mind that it was because of him, as there was no reason for his twin to be like this around him... Right? He took a deep breath, trying to stabilize himself. But then he broke. He shook his head and... After the offer he put up for the blonde, he just... Started crying. Polaris blinked in surprise as he saw the scenen unfold in front of his eyes. He was caught off guard by sure and for a moment he froze, not knowing what was wrong. Luckily, he had been through enough and despite the fact that his social skills had suffered over the past years, he still had it somewhat in him. He closed the distance between them an gently put his arm around the other. "Hey, it's okay, I'm here," he said in a whisper as he tried to pull him a bit with him, gently. They were in a crowded place after all. He bit his place for a moment as he saw an annoyed look from a man who almost walked into them. Damn, no patience whatsoever.

Once they were a bit out of the way of the public he tilted his head, looking at Sigma once more. "It's okay, you're okay," he said softly to his brother. "Let it all out, I'm here for you," he simply said. Unaware that he was the problem and what he was doing, was most likely making it worse. But Polaris didn't have a reason to think this was the issue. In his eyes this was simply what he had to do, as his brother. He had to take care of him when he needed it... And the blonde needed it... A lot, or so it would seem. So he just gently tried to hold on to him with one arm, not really pushing himself onto him. If he didn't want it, then he could just simply get loose. A concerned frown appeared once more as he looked from the other to the sky and back. Oh... Did it even matter? He was more important right now.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

Polaris came to him and instinctively, Sigma did a step back. He was always told to not let others come close, they could be dangerous, they could be harmful. It was one of the first lessons that his mentor had taught him. Don't trust others, once you start practice dark magic, everyone is the enemy. That it was this moment that the lesson took root in his heart, made him shiver. This was wrong, he felt thorn apart. He wanted to be with his brother, tell him what had happened, what he was doing. But he was also a danger to the world, and if Polaris would misspeak about him, he was dead. It was too much of a risk to take right now. But it made his heart hurt even more. Sigma was no longer that little flame that could warm everyone. That flame was snuffed out and a darkness had taken its place. He didn't even register the words that his brother was saying to him, but he was too tired to fight it right now. The long nights, little sleep and constant hurting of his arms had worn him out. And now the emotions were taking its toll. He felt how the strength of his legs gave out and he grabbed the coat of his brother, trying to stay up. It hurt his fingers and he noticed how a small red spot appeared on the bandages. Meanwhile, tears were still running down his face and his breathing was short and ineffective. He felt like choking, as if he was trapped under water. Around him, he heard people speak. About them, being freaked out, wondering if they should help out. As if someone would. No, never. "Q-quiet," he muttered breathless. "Need some quiet place." His shoulder still shook from the crying and he felt powerless in this moment. Weighting pros and cons, Sigma was wondering if he could tell his brother. If he could cast off the shackles that had bound him from the moment he burned down their house. Maybe he could trust his brother again if he told him? "Help."

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

When Sigma stepped away from him he froze in place. Was it him? He didn't understand. What was wrong? Why did he do that...? Had he done... Something wrong? He frowned for a moment, but couldn't wrap his head around it. It just... Hurt that the other didn't even want him near him. And it was a reminder about the rift that had formed between them. The many years apart had taken a toll on their relationship. And he... He was the one to blame. A hurtful expression came over him when he realized this. He no longer was the others rock. He hadn't been that for years now. Because... he had left him behind. Had left their family behind. All in the pursue of his own happiness and career. Even though a large portion of that happiness had always been dependant on his twin. A lot of his fondest memories were thanks to his twin. Yet, as a child he was too stubborn to realize this. He had left him with their strict parents. And what had unfolded after that, he... Didn't know anything about. He had been trapped in a pond, living the life of some sort of pet. His throat felt dry as he realized all that self pity was so... Damn undeserving. It was his own damn fault that he had been in that situation. And his decision had hurt more people than just him. The evidence... Was right in front of him. So he just stared at him for a moment, in disbelief... Before his face shifted. What had he done to him?

Sigma grabbed his coat and Polaris blinked in surprise, supporting the other with his arms as much as he could. The action pulled him out of his thought and for a moment he looked around. Shit. Sigma was panicking, his breathing was heightened and the way he held himself up wasn't stable at all. The dark haired man stepped a bit closer so he could support him a bit more. The blonde man started to talk, but he was barely able to hear it. The many voice of the people around them almost drowned it out. He clenched his jaw for a moment as he tensed up, bringing himself closer so he could hear him. A... Quiet place? He nodded. "Yes, we'll go there, I got you," He said with a clear voice as he averted his eyes. If he was stronger he would have just lifted Sigma off the ground. But he would never be able to do that. Physically he just wasn't built for it. "Lean on me, okay? I'll bring you to a quiet place," he said to his brother as he tried to put his arm under his arm, so that Sigma could rest his arm on his shoulders. He looked up after this, clearly annoyed by the many people that had started to gather around them. He tried to step a bit forward but was met by the crowd. He groaned, letting out frustration in the process. "Fuck off!" He suddenly yelled at them, which surprised some people... Some were clearly offended by it, as they were simply offering help. But others moved out the way and Polaris was able to quickly move out of that place. For a moment he held his gaze on the ground, tensing up. Low profile remember? Low profile.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

His mind was working in over time, there were he couldn't even breath nor move his body, his brain was doing everything on its own. Memories, spells, he could help himself. He could. But it would expose himself and it wouldn't make it any better. But his brain was in survival mode and he felt his spellbook burn in his side. No, this wasn't the time nor place. He had to fight it, fight the urge to subtract the life force of his twin brother for his own gain. It was wrong, on so many levels. Damnit. This is why he had wanted to practice more, why he wanted to subdue those urges. He lifted himself up with the little amount of strength he could muster and leant on his brother shoulder. He felt so empty, so useless, powerless. Everything he never wanted, he had started to practice this cursed magic to help other, so he didn't have to think about the hurting that it did to him. Yet, it was this darkness that was guiding him right now. For a short moment Sigma noticed that he had subconsciously placed his hand on his brothers'. It would have been a sweet gesture, from a brother to a brother, but the blond mage was battling his own brain to not speak the words. Polaris shouted at some bystanders, who made way for them and he followed obediently, all his strength was faced inwards right now.
He didn't know for how long they had been walking, it felt way longer than it probably was He kept losing consciousness and felt weaker by the moment. As if something was draining him, as if someone was using his own magic against him. But he knew, deep down, that it was his own fault. He let it get this far. He never should've taken that deal.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

Dear Xeion, what had caused all this? He squinted his eyes a bit as he looked at his brother, who seemed to go from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. For the little knowledge he had about medical stuff, he knew that this couldn't just simply be an emotional issue, right? Sigma looked like he could pass out at any second. Overwhelmed, perhaps. Something that had manifested in his emotional outburst... He took a deep breath and pulled him closer, letting the weight of the other rest on him. His dark eyes slowly focussing back on the road ahead of them. It wasn't far, he was sure of it. They would get to the tavern in no time. When he felt the other's hand in his, he slowly closed his fingers around his. "I got you," he said softly to the blonde man. And I'm not running away anymore. A promise he kept in his heart as he softly squeezed his hand. Whatever had happened, they would figure it out. He would help him, make sure that he was okay and see that he was happy. After all, they had a lot of lost time to catch up on. Not only in what had happened, but also in who they had become. When Polaris had left Xaila he was this extravagant rebel kid that could never shut up about anything. Singing and preforming wherever he went. Look at what he was now. Nothing more than the shell of the person he once was. It wouldn't be weird for Sigma to be the same. To expect that things had gone smoothly for him as well, was something he knew was impossible. With parents like theirs something bad was about to happen, eventually. Him running away was already enough evidence of that.

They arrived at the tavern, getting some concerned glares from people that were working at the stand in front of the place. The dark haired man simply looked at them with a stern expression before opening the door with his one free hand. He stepped indoors, kicking the door shut behind him. Sigma seemed to be fading in and out consciousness, something that wasn't very optimal. He took a deep breath and pushed himself even closer so he could get a better hold of the others limp body. "Come on," He said with a groan as he tried to get the other moving. But he wasn't strong enough. His eyes went to the stairs, a new obstacle he had no idea how to face. The man slowly came to a halt, blinking rapidly. Shit. Upstairs was relatively calm, but if they remained down here it could eventually lead to more people joining them. And he knew that was something Sigma didn't need right now. As he stared at the thing in front of them, he could hear the door open behind him. Polaris flinched at the sound. Shit. "Ozzy? Everything okay?" He cleared his throat, trying to get some of that rage from earlier clear from his mind. "Yes. I am fine. But he isn't, he need a bed," he said, his voice somewhat shaky as Frida stepped beside him. The wood elf observed the two boys for a moment and Polaris averted his gaze, staring at the floor for a moment. Panic setting in as he realized she might see the resemblance. But... She didn't seem to catch on. She just nodded and grabbed the other arm of Sigma, pushing some of his weight onto her. "Alright, let's get him to a room then,"

They went up stairs, to an empty room that had been prepared for clients. Frida assured him that it was fine and she would inform Leif about the matter. Polaris slowly nodded at her, but he felt... Numb. As she looked at him and back at the blonde boy. Every time when she did he felt panic setting in. What if she realized that he wasn't the old man's grandson... What if... "I'll get him some soup and a bucket of water, can you get him in bed and cleaned up?" He blinked slowly, nodding slowly. "Yes.." His voice still shaky. The woman stepped away from the two brothers and quickly left the room. He looked at the door for a moment, still holding onto the body of his twin, before finally turning away. As he stepped to the bed he went through his knees, softly guiding the other to it. But before he let go of him completely, he grabbed the others coat. Gently he took the thing off. His arm guiding his as he took it off. It was then, when the cloth had been removed, that he saw the bandages. His eyes widened as he noticed all the blood on it. "What in... Xeion's name..." he said softly. Were these from... Magic...? Or something else? They... Were they perhaps burn marks? No... They didn't bleed, right? Polaris bit his lip softly as he shook his head, trying to get himself to focus once more. It somewhat worked and he was able to put the other completely down. He made sure to put the blanket over him, but let his arms be on top of it. He wasn't sure what to do with them.

Polaris stood up so he could put Sigma's stuff somewhere else. He placed the book that had been on his hip on the nightstand and stepped towards the coat rack to hang his coat. Polaris took his own coat off, but kept his scarf on. As he arranged everything, Frida came back. She had a cup of soap in one hand and a bucket of water in the other. The dark haired man frowned, stepping aside as she was spilling the liquid everywhere. It was like venom to him. If only one drop got on his skin... He held his breath for a moment, staring at the water. The wood elf put everything down, turning her head to the young man. "I really have to go back to the stall, can you take it from here?" Polaris felt panic set in when she said that. He... Had to take it from here? He didn't know how to help with those bloody bandages. Hell, he couldn't even use the water she had brought up here. "Just take the bandages off, clean it with some water and bandage them back up. If it's really bad we can contact a healer, okay?" Polaris blinked slowly, barely realizing what she was asking of him. And... He didn't know what happened but he... simply nodded. Frida nodded back. "There are bandages in the closet over there," And with that, she was gone.

Polaris stared at the bucket of water for a while, perhaps a bit too long, before turning back to his brother, that was now in bed. His eyes went to the door, where the wood elf had just gone through. He blinked slowly, feeling the world spin around him. Clean him up... He had to clean him up. Okay... He could do that... Right? Yes... Yes he could. His feet started to move, slowly towards the door. His gaze went over it once he was close enough. His fingertips reaching for the key. He gave it a slow push, which led to the door falling in place and allowing the man to lock it. He took the key out, clenched it in his hand and turned back to Sigma. Right... What happened now would always remain in this room. And he hoped that the other would remain like this for a little bit longer before he... Saw what he was going to do.

Polaris went to the side of the bed, putting the key on the night stand beside them. He pushed his knees a bit more up, his upper body closer to the bed he was resting on. As he slowly went over the others arms, softly, barely touching him. He held his breath for a moment, before finally letting it go to the top. He tugged at it, using another hand to use some scissors he had prepared before hand. Just like the fresh new bandages beside him and the extra blankets he had stacked at the other side. Fresh cloth that he was going to need to clean the wound and... All that. And as he moved along, letting the bandage slip off in the movement he made, flesh started to color from natural to... Simply black. The concerned frown on his face came back as he stared at what was unfolding before his eyes. A black mess that was his arm, scattered in what looked like... Burns. But darker, as if it was simply charred by whatever had caused this. He gasped for air as he saw how the blood was coming from the wounds. And for a moment he had to turn himself away from the scene. He put his hand over his mouth, holding himself back not to cry or... Worse... For a moment he just sat like that, collecting himself... Before turning back. No... Time for that now.

When the bandage was completely off, he threw it away. His breath shaky his eyes went over the gruesome scene. He blinked rapidly, before turning his head towards the bucket beside him. Staring into the water once more as he had done already, he started to feel panic get a hold of him. It tightened his chest slowly, as if he was being constricted. The thought of being trapped made his mind race, causing him to fearfully gaze at it. But he shook his head quickly, grabbing hold of one of the clean piece of cloth that laid beside him. "It's okay... You locked the door. He isn't coming, not anymore," he whispered to himself. "No-one... Is coming. They won't see. The door is locked," he said softly, reassuring himself. "You are safe from him, the door is locked, the door is locked," he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. "He... He is not here," he said softly. "The door is locked," His shaky voice remained when he spoke those words again. It was hard to get it through his skull, as it was just... So deeply ingrained in him. Through the many years of being trapped in that tiny pond. He... Never wanted to go back, ever again. "He can't hurt you here," he opened his eyes as he looked back at the water, his hands still shaking. Seeing himself in the reflection he stared at it for a moment, seeing those fearful eyes stare back at him he knew... This was potentially never going to fade. This fear. Fear of something that he no longer had to fear for... Or... Not right now. "I'm safe," he echoed softly, nodding at his reflection. "He can't come here," The door was locked.

He lifted his hand, hovering over the bucket for a moment, before finally dropping it into the water. He looked at how the piece started to get drenched, sinking to the bottom in a matter of seconds. First slowly, but then it picked up in speed. The dark haired man stared at it for a moment, taking a deep breath... Okay... His eyes went back to the others arm, seeing the horrid scene once more he quickly looked back at the water aside him. He was being selfish again. He was being darn selfish again. He clenched his jaw and lifted his hand to hover over the water. Reaching out he paused in his motion, contemplating and mulling over his options. Blinking slowly he wanted to pull his hand back and just... Run out the room. But that would be oh so selfish of him. He had promised, he wouldn't leave him behind anymore. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. He...

He reached for it. The water was lukewarm as soon as his fingertips touched it. His breathing hastened for a second as he felt himself change. Not unpleasantly, since it never was. But he was uneasy by it for sure. His arms started to weigh more heavy as the fins started to form there too. The scales formed on his neck, shaping the gills. They grew upwards, scattering his face almost as if they were freckles. He slowly blinked, lifting his head carefully as he looked below himself. The softly colored tail had returned. Colors ranging from deep purple to pastel pink and blue had found its way on his tail. He turned his head slowly, looking at what he had done. He clenched his teeth as he saw the familiar pattern of, what his owner would call, beautiful tail. He stared at it for a moment, his breath shaky as he saw the large fins lay there, taking up way too much space on dry land. Oh... By Xeion... If Sigma woke up he could never hide this from him.

He slowly turned his head back, pushing himself up on the side of the bed to sit more properly. Okay... As soon as he got it cleaned he could dry himself off. Polaris reaches both hands in the bucket again, taking the cloth out and wring out the excess water until he had a mildly damp cloth. He shook it a bit, looked it over and nodded. He carefully moved his upper body as he placed both hands on the side of the bed, pushing himself upwards with a groan. Too scared to use his tail to push himself further... His shaky arms barely being able to hold him up. He wasn't able to do it and let himself back down, almost dropping back to the floor in the process. But he was able to regain some stability. He tensed up, staring at the cloth in one hand. Okay then... Then from the floor. He carefully grabbed the arm the closest to him, the one he had already unwrapped, and carefully started to use the piece of cloth to try and clean up the wound. He really... Didn't know what he was doing. But the frown on his face said enough. Concern, concentration... Determination. He was going to do the right thing here.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

Sigma had lost the battle against his consciousness and drifted from one side to the other. He found himself in a dark room, surrounded by shadows. The only spot of light was a small flickering, a small flame on his chest. With a finger he felt it, but it didn't burn him. He noticed that his hand weren't bandaged up and it scared him for a moment, but he remembered the color of his skin. These arms weren't black and scared, but just like the rest of his skin tone, with his fingernails painted in a light pastel purple. While he was admiring it, a shadow swiped forward and tried to snuff the flame on his chest. "No!" The blonde mage screamed and he crossed his arms over his chest, trying to protect the little flame he still had. He wasn't a sun mage anymore, he had banished fire from his life. Another shadow hissed and took a shot at him. "Murderer." A low voice was echoing through the room, or whatever this place was were he was in. Sigma felt how the strength from his legs got sapped away and he felt to his knees. "You're the reason why your brother ran away. You're a danger, to everyone. You could've burned him as well. You're a murderer." The voice became clearer, yet far away and the mage placed his hands over his ears. "Shut up, shut up. Shut up!" He screamed into nothingness. "I am not a murderer, I banished fire from my life, I don't want to be a danger anymore." With shaking legs, he stood up, but it took a few seconds before he could find his footing. "I banished fire." He muttered. His eyes focused on the small flame in his chest. "Than why do I have this? Why do I keep this little flame alive?" He placed his hand over the flame, felt the warmth but didn't get burned. "I banished the fire after the accident and gave in to the darkness. I want to help people without hurting them. I want to be there for my brother without being afraid of burning him. I want to be a family again!" He didn't really knew why he did it, but with a good push, he snuffed the flame on his chest and gasped for air.
Sigma found himself in a bed, he jolted up and gasped for air. His body hurt, his brain felt foggy and something was wrong. He did not know this room, this roof, this feeling. The constricting feeling from the bandaged around his arm was gone and he wanted to lift it, but only now noticed that something was on top of it. Sigma followed whatever was holding him and found some... thing? It was the eyes, the only thing he recognized. "L-Larry?" He asked with a shaky voice. What was going on here?

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

He tried to work quickly, moving the cloth in and out of the water, wringing it out every time. But he was getting sloppy and got the clothing, that he was still wearing, wet in the process. He knew this wasn't going to help him, but he couldn't just... stop now. This was his decision. And the sooner he was done with it, the sooner he could get back to his human form. But as fate wanted it, Sigma almost jumped upwards. Polaris, startled by the action, moved himself a bit back. His tail curling rapidly as he tried to position himself. The quick, rapid motion went by the bucket, which fell over in an instant. "Shit," he said as the water poured all over the place. The merfolk pushed himself from the bed and quickly pushed the bucket back up, his other hand reaching for the bandages and throwing them on the bed in an attempt to keep them from getting wet. Wriggling on the floor he tried not to move his lower body too much. But that was an impossible task. He hit the nigh stand in the process and quickly pushed himself upwards as he turned and grabbed the cup with one of his hands. The movements caused him to be out of breath, as he had to use all his upper body strength just to move around. But he was in time to grab the soup... At least something was going his way. He didn't want hot soup all over his tail.

He pushed the cup a bit back so that it wouldn't happen again and closed his eyes for a moment to catch his breath. It was then that he heard his nickname. The dark haired man didn't respond at first, just letting his head hang as he remained on the now soaked floor. He didn't dare to look up at the other... So when he opened his eyes, he turned himself slowly back, grabbing the damp towel once more. "Don't... Look at me," he said softly. He pushed himself to sit upwards once more, but still... Didn't lift his gaze to meet his brothers. "Please... Don't look at me," he said with a soft whimper. His hand reached out, shaking as he tried to take a hold of what he tried to fix. The arm of the other. He was in worse condition then he was. He had to take care of him. So he tried to continue with what he was doing, cleaning his wounds. "I got you," his voice was shaky as he spoke. "I'll fix you," A sob left his lips and he was caught a bit off guard by it. He quickly shook his head as he used his upper arm to go over his face, wiping away some tears that had formed.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

It felt so unreal, everything here. It seemed like a weight had lifted from his chest, yet he didn't know how to react to seeing his brother like this. Was this his brother? No, it had to be. He reacted to the nickname and he knew those eyes. Sigma wanted to stand up, but his body ignored him completely. This time it was Polaris who seemed to be afraid of him, or no, not afraid, ashamed. Was it because of the state he was in? The blonde mage reached out his arm to the half man, half fish in his room and noticed that the bandages from his arm had been removed. A sad glimpse appeared in his eyes and he pulled his arm back. And thus he had been exposed, everything. His curse, his wounds, his life. "I'm sorry." He spoke softly, looking up to his brother. He coughed in his hand and felt a sharp pain in his chest. He remembered the dream, if it even was a dream, that he just had and placed a hand on his chest. Was that little flame really gone now? Did he actually gave in to the darkness in his heart? Had it been the best option? He didn't know, but it wasn't important right now. Polaris told him that he would fix him and he shook his head with a shaky smile. "Don't worry," his voice was soft, almost silent. He pushed himself of the bed and stumbled towards his brother. It didn't matter how he looked like, nor what he had done. In front of the man, he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around the neck of his brother. "We got each other."

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

Sigma reached for him and he flinched for a moment. He didn't know what to do. He just sat there, staring at the gruesome piece of him that was his arm. He didn't dare to look him in the eyes. The other was never supposed to see him like this. Let alone in such fragile state. It as better then in an accident, but still. This was the whole reason why he had never been able to fit in like their parents had wanted. He wasn't even human and he hated himself for it. He felt ashamed, angry... For everything. And he was barely able to contain his emotions because of it. He wanted to remain calm and not show anything to the other, but that was impossible. Usually he didn't mind being a bit emotional. But this was on a while different level. He was no man... But a creature. Some sort of animal, as he had started to believe thanks to the many years of captivity. He was afraid that Sigma would be disgusted with him, cast him away like the failure he was. But he tried to keep that all to himself. Simply... Pleading him not to look at him. Perhaps it would help his case, even if it was just a little.

Sigma spoke again and Polaris held his breath for a moment. It was then that the other moved. From the bed, to the floor with him. Polaris visibly panicked as soon as the other went on his knees in front of him, finally meeting eye to eye again. His gaze fixated on the floor he tried to just turn his face in angles that he didn't have to look at him. But the other didn't seem to care about all that and he wrapped his arms around his neck... The merman blinked slowly as he blinked in disbelief for a moment. And his brother spoke again, assuring him... And he, he sobbed. A soft sob that was followed by another.... And another. Well, it was his turn to cry now. And as he let those tears go, he pushed himself to the other, clenching onto him as he pressed himself against him. "I- I was going to tell you-" he said rapidly with a shaky voice. "But I didn't know how- I th- thought you would hate me if you knew-" he said while sobbing. "I tried to come back home but they locked me up-" He felt himself tremble under the weight of those memories, so he desperately clenched onto his brother, tightening his grip. "I wanted to go back home-" he cried out once more. It was all he had thought about over those years. Go back home. But he had always knew that there was no home for him to go back to... Not with his parents...

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

A mess, that they were. Together, on the floor, one blackened and scared, the other transformed and sobbing. He couldn't cry, he had let go of everything when they were on the market. Now, it was his time to take care of his brother. So he placed a hand on the back of his head and held the boy close to him. "It's alright, let it out." Just like Polaris had done for him just a moment before. Keeping his brother close, he listened to the words. The dreaded words. They stung, they hurt, they made him remember. Sigma took a deep breath, felt the sharp pain in his chest again and flinched. "I missed you at home." A pause, he was looking for the words. How could he tell him this without ruining all of this. There probably wasn't a good way, only a bad way. So he just had to do it. "There is no more home." He loosened his grip on his brother and tried to look his brother in his eyes. Sigma bit the inside of his lips and looked away, ashamed. "When you were gone, mom and dad pushed me.." He took a shaky breath and shivered for a moment. "They needed me to perform better, be better. They pushed me to extremes, let me do magic I wasn't strong enough for." The memories overflowed his head and he closed his eyes to escape the pain. "I couldn't.. I never would.. It was an accident." Somewhere deep down, he found some tears to rolldown his face. "The house took fire and I ran. I.. I killed them, Larry. I killed mom and dad." He placed his head against the chest of his brother and let the tears flow. This was the second time he told this story, but this time it was way harder. It gave him some kind of relive, to be finally able to tell his brother about it. But now he was scared of the reaction. He flinched and prepared his body to be pushed away, to get screamed on, to be hated.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

He had told himself that telling people would always be a bad idea. So, he had promised himself, when he had gotten out, to never tell anyone. But he also hadn't taken into consideration that he would see his brother again. He had always thought that due to what he was and what past he had, he could never return to Xaila, his homeland. He had just... Held up hope that he could start over in Ravaryn, forget about everything and just... Be safe here. But then his brother came back in his life, something he was still grateful for. It was a miracle to say the least. It meant that he could rebuild rather then start over from square one and that was wonderful. But all of that had led him to a point where he had to think about his secret, his identity, and how he was going to bring it to him. And this was not how he had pictured it at all, but hey... All seemed well, so... It was okay. And he cried it out, because he was relieved. He was happy that he could finally let go of that burden. Sigma gave him the comfort he needed and he just let it all go, it was something he needed right now.

His brother said that he had missed him at home. Polaris sobbing slowly died down as he carefully pushed himself a bit more upwards. Slowly, he looked up at the other, looking at him. His pupils had changed as well, something he didn't even know. They seemed brighter and showed off that amber colour that usually seemed so dim and dark, now shining bright in its full glory. He listened to what he had to say. Sigma told him that was no more home and for a moment he frowned, not understanding what he meant by that. They simply just looked at one another for a moment. Confusion hitting him first, before realization came in. Something had happened. Something bad. But he didn't need to ask what bad had happened, because the blonde boy started to explain himself. Sigma spoke of their parents and... The way he spoke of him, it didn't surprise him. They had always pushed them to be better, be more, be perfect. But it still broke his heart to know that they had pushed the other to his limits. Polaris' gaze softened up as the puzzle pieces fell into place, even before the other clarified. An accident. With a sun mage and the burns he had seen... It wasn't hard to figure out what had unfolded. Yet the other finished up his story. The house caught fire, killing their parents... And he had ran away from it all. Sigma had killed them, the people that had pushed their sons to such extremes that both of them had finally had enough. One had left before he could break under the pressure, the other had shattered under it, destroying them as well in the process. It was a tragic tale, but... Funnily enough, he wasn't surprised by it.

The other placed himself against him and Polaris carefully pulled him closer, softly letting his hand go over the back of his brothers back. He just kept silent for as long as the other needed to cry. Even though it didn't come as a surprise, it still didn't mean that he was... Okay... He had still somewhat expected their parents to still be around. And even though he didn't like them, he also didn't hate them. But what his feelings where towards them didn't matter anymore, because they... Didn't matter anymore. So the merman waited until the other had cried his feelings away. "It isn't your fault," he said softly as he let his fingers go through the others hair, his other hand gently rubbing over his back. "It was an accident," he whispered. For a moment he looked around the room, trying to find something... He could say to him. But it was hard. How could he comfort someone when such matters were being spoken off? For Polaris it just... Felt like some sort of dream, as if it hadn't properly hit yet. And even then he knew that he wouldn't be as heartbroken as Sigma was. His parents had always despised him for being the way he was. And they were right, he was different, but that didn't excuse the horrible behaviour that they had displayed towards him. "You know," he said. "I'm... Glad you're okay," If there was anyone to make it out of the fire, then it was him. "I... I'm happy you're still here," His voice broke when he spoke those words, because it was true. He had missed his brother so much. The one sole reason why he had wanted to return back to Xaila. Home wasn't a place, after all.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

The screaming didn't come, the push never came. It confused him, he just told his brother that he had killed their parents and yet, there was no anger. He had been so scared of this moment, dreaded this exact moment because he had commit a horrible crime. Yet his brother only pushed him closer and softly brushed over his back and through his hair. Sigma let his arms hang next to his body, one part scared that he would rip something of his brother, this body looked so delicate, like a flower. He just cried, just cried. It was better to just let it go and be done with it. There was so much more that he had to explain, but there was no time for it. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down while he pushed himself ever so slightly of off his brother. With one black hand he wiped away his tears, while he used his still bandaged hand to stabilize himself on the ground. "You.. You're not angry?" He sobbed softly, still trying to evade his brothers gaze over him. "I did something horrible." I still am. He finished that sentence in his head. This was one of the few times that Sigma actually felt himself to be the younger twin, he felt so small next to his brother. So immature, so childish. Like his emotions didn't mean anything and were just for some weird rational thing. Not like he just confessed to killing someone. "B-but what about you?" Still sobbing he wiped away some more tears. "You said you were locked up? What happened?" It finally reached him that he had ignored something important and just showed his emotions too much. He wasn't the only one that had suffered, Larry had it just as bad, maybe even worse. He bit his lip, not knowing if the thing he wanted to say was the right thing. So he opted to be silent and let Polaris speak.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

Perhaps it was somewhat wrong for him to not even be a little bit angry, or even disappointed. But he just couldn't get himself to hate someone he cared so much about for an accident that these people, their parents, had essentially bestowed upon themselves. One day it would happen, that their cocky nature and thirst for prestige would catch up to them. And it did. They had pushed Sigma to a point of no return and now the poor boy had to carry the weight of not only failure, but also the title of murderer. If anything, he felt bad for his brother. He was the sole survivor of it all. The one who had taken it all. It made him wonder what would have happened if he had remained in Xaila, with his family. What would they have done to him once they found out he was merfolk? And would they have pushed Sigma that far if... Hadn't left...? Those were all questions that crossed his mind as he held the other close to him, comforting him in his own way. Oh well... What did these questions even matter? After all, those decisions were in the past and they could never change them.

Sigma pushed himself a bit back and the dark haired man tilted his head, awiating what the other had to say. And there it was, the question he even asked himself. But the other followed it up with a statement, that led to Polaris shaking his head. "Of course I'm not angry," he said softly. "The fact that you're telling me this... You're... You're not horrible for what has happened," he spoke carefully. It was difficult to find the right words, as he knew it was a fragile matter. "Maybe you feel that you are a monster for... all that has happened," he paused for a moment, one of his hands going to the others free hand, gently grabbing it and squeezing it. "And that you only deserve the worst because of it," He took a deep breath. "But I... Forgive you, Sigma. I forgive you for the accident," he nodded slowly. "I could never be angry at you," It was true. He was perhaps the one person that could do anything and he would still forgive him, because well, that was what brothers were for. "I'm sorry you had to carry this with you for so long and I'm sorry that you had to endure their... Behaviour all on your own," he averted his eyes slowly as he spoke, feeling ashamed of himself. "I should have never left you. It was selfish of me to leave you with them," A sigh left his lips, because for him it had been such a heavy thing to realize. He had caused so much pain to the other by simply leaving. God, he had been an asshole. "But I can... I can I promise you now, I'll never leave you again," It felt like such an empty promise, because in his own mind he felt like he had already failed...

But then Sigma came back to him. Polaris froze to a moment when his... Situation... Was being questioned. He blinked slowly... Ah shit, he had sad that while he was being emotional, hadn't he? A sigh left his lips as he pushed himself somewhat against the bed, slowly moving his tail to position himself better. Damn thing was way to eccentric for its own good, he hated it. The merman stared at it for a moment, before looking back at his brother. "When I got to Lemuria everything was great. I got a job as a musician and everything," he said with a soft smile. "And it was just like I had imagined it in my dreams, it was... Everything I ever wanted," he nodded as his smiled widened, thinking back to that evening where it had all started. But as he paused his expression slowly shifted to a more sombre tone. "After the first good night I celebrated with my boss and some alcohol got on me and well," He shrugged. "Merfolk transform regardless of what form or taste the water is," He bit his lip for a moment as he tried to puzzle together the pieces of that night, but they were still so blurry to him. "I didn't know I was merfolk and I don't remember what happened afterwards. All I remember is that I woke up in some sort of... Pond or whatever," he sighed again. "And that pond has been my home, or should I say prison, for the past..." he lifted his hands, slowly lifting each finger as he visibly started to count. "Four... Five years... I think?" He shrugged again. "I honestly lost count," He wasn't even certain if his math was correct, because if it was he should be around 21 years old by now. But he hadn't dared to ask Sigma how much time had passed or what their age was, as he truly felt ashamed about it. "But I got out only a couple of months ago and I've been on the run ever since," He shrugged again, as if it was nothing. "I was being held as some sort of pet. Had to sing and preform and just be pretty I guess," he rolled his eyes, letting his hands go to his shirt as he did. He carefully pulled the thing off, finally exposing his upper body as well. He wasn't completely covered in scales, but there still was a lot to be found. Beautiful shapes curling up his spines in different shades of purple, blue and pink. Yet something had obstructed the harmony there; thick scars had formed all over, clearly from some sort of weapon. Polaris turned himself slowly as to show the other what the damage was from those years of being entertainment. For a couple of seconds he remained like this, before pulling his shirt back on. "It's why I'm going by Ozzy here. I'm keeping a low profile," the man knew who he was after all. And with a name like Polaris, well, he was sure to stand out.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

No anger, it felt so weird. There was no anger to be found. Only acceptance, the one thing he hadn't taken in account. Polaris told him that he felt sorry for him, for having to endure all that while he was gone. He shook his head and looked at the ground. "There were nights where I wished I ran with you, just to get out of all the punishments. But there were also moments where I hated you for leaving me, were I missed you and your singing voice. It felt like I lost a part of myself that night." For the first time after he had woken up, his head felt clear. The fog had risen and he could think more clearly. He still wasn't certain about the feeling in his chest, but that was something to worry about later. In silence he listened to what his brother had to tell him and now it was his time to feel sorry for what had happened. Sigma even gasped when Larry told him that he had been imprisoned for so long. His eyes glanced over the body, the form his brother had taken up now. He could see why people would be interested in him. But that wasn't an excuse to take advantage of such a young man. Sigma realised that they both had been trapped. He by his parents and forced to perform magic, while Polaris was trapped by this crazy man and forced to stay in this form. He hugged his brother in silence and patted him on the back. "You're free now." Was the only thing he could say to him. "And ..." He stopped, looking away from the scene. "If I may say so, you're quite beautiful." He snickered softly, the first laugh in quite some time.
Sigma nodded. "Ozzy, aye? The name suits you." His voice was soft, reassuring. There was still so much he wanted to say to his brother. "I.. I have been here with my mentor." He started painfully. "He forbad me to use his name in company. He found me in Avalon after I ran from Xaila. Took me under his wing with the promise of power. I was so stupid, I took his hand. Longing for a way to get more powerful, to be able to safe people without hurting them." He looked at his hands and with a painful expression on his face, he balled his hand. "He has been training me in dark magic ever since." One single tear burned in the corner of his eye. "These hands happen because I'm not used to it yet, because the magic is strange for me and because I'm trying to do too much at once."

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

When he offered his apologies, he feared that Sigma might not even accept them. Because he had been fully in the wrong for leaving him like that. But he shook his head and started to speak, explaining that it had been quite a difficult matter. He had wanted to go with him, other times he had hated him and sometimes he even missed his singing. Polaris couldn't help but show him a kind smile when that was mentioned. Losing a part of yourself. The merman's smile faded as he nodded in agreement. He understood all too well what he meant by that, because he had felt the same. It was something they said about twins, they had that weird connection about them. And for him and his brother that really felt like that was the case sometimes. They weren't one and the same, different in many ways. But then again they were also so very similar in so many regards. They were both rather sensitive, but that had allowed them to be open with each other. Because they knew, deep down, that despite the time they had been apart that they could still trust on another.

He told his story and for a moment he fell silent, not knowing what else he could say. It had been his life up until a few months ago. And that was kind of sad to think about. But he had tried to run away sooner, but to no avail. He had gotten out, but was trapped swiftly after. His second attempt had been more successful, but he still feared that the men would find him and drag him back to that pond. Where he would rot away for the rest of his days. Sometimes he... Asked himself if it wouldn't have been better for him to flee to the ocean. Because, that was where merfolk belonged, didn't they? The thought alone sent a shiver down his spine. He hated the idea. To be in the water, all alone, in such vast... Nothingness. He could never. Beside, he wasn't like the other merfolk. Deep down he was human and he knew one day that... He could become one as well. Sigma pulled him for another hug and he just let it happen, closing his eyes as he just let all those worries fall from his shoulders. It felt good that he was able to share his stories with at least someone. He had held it for himself... For so long. It felt... Weird that now someone knew. It was when he got the compliment from his brother that he... Could sink through the floor out of embarrassment. His cheeks coloured a bit as he gave the other a gentle shove with his elbow. But as he laughed, so did he. It was contagious. "Well, at least that's something I have going for me,"

He nodded when the man said the other name. It did suit him. "It's the name of the grandson of the man who owns this place. He thinks I'm that Ozzy," He shrugged. "So who am I to pass up on free shelter," It would bite him in the ass eventually, but for now he was going to benefit from it. The old man was nearing his end anyway, especially when he saw how quickly he was losing his memories. He was more confused then ever these days... And Polaris felt like the time where the tavern would technically go to 'Ozzy' would come soon. It felt wrong to know that it would go to him and he secretly hoped that the man had picked another to carry on the business, because he wasn't planning on staying. Especially when the bounty hunters would find him.

Sigma spoke of another, his mentor. He told him how they met and that he wasn't allowed to say his name. The merman nodded as he listened carefully. The story led towards a... Dark turn as Sigma eventually revealed what had caused the infliction on his arms. Dark magic. Shock came over his face when that word had left the others lips. "Dark magic," he echoed softly, as almost in disbelief. His mind started racing as soon as it was mentioned. Wasn't it dangerous? What about his arms? Would he be okay? He had been bleeding, was that due to the magic? The blonde mage explained that the dark coloured skin was due to him not being used to... And of course doing too much. He squinted his eyes when he mentioned this. "I-" He tried to start his sentence, but halted before he could continue. His amber eyes slowly turning back to his tail. Did it even matter what he was, or what he was doing. He was a thief, a fraud even to the family that lived below them. He had just admitted to it. "Is it dangerous for you?" he tried to ask. "Will you get sick? Or is it bad for your health? Is it safe?" he paused after he said that last bit, of course he knew that dark magic wasn't safe. He was the son of two great mages, he certainly knew a thing or two about the arts. He shook his head slowly, looking up at him. "You need to stop pushing yourself," he concluded. "Really," Because if he didn't, history might repeat itself. And he... He didn't have the strength to mention that to his brother. Not after the heavy conversation that they already had had.

His eyes went to the puddle under him for a moment, silently humming as he pushed himself more upwards with his hands and tail. He carefully moved his lower body, scared of hurting himself or the other. His shaky arms trying to do most of the work. He was never going to turn back if he remained here on the ground, where it was wet. But if he was being honest, he didn't know what he could do to get dry. Maybe get on the bed...? His eyes went to the side as he squinted his eyes. He turned himself, pushing himself up as he had done before. But again, shaky, weak arms. He wasn't able to get any higher then before and just let go, laying his head on the side of the bed. Annoying to say the least. He should have transformed while sitting on the bed, not on the ground. Damn he was an idiot.

Sigma Octantis Estrella

oh, why are we so sad? are we feeling hurt by their evil lies.
and all those empty words?

He chuckled after his brother when he told him that that was something he had going for him. Like, this forms, this everything, he did look beautiful. Every woman would be lucky to have someone like his brother for a husband, even though he thought them both to young for that all. Sigma didn't see himself as husband material, especially after everything that happened and that was probably the same for Larry. But a woman should be lucky with him, with his personality, his humour, his looks. Larry told him that the owner of this place thought he was that Ozzy and that he couldn't pass free shelter. "Can't blame you," he said softly.
Sigma explained what he was doing lately and on cue, there was the horror he had expected. This was the reason why he never told anyone about what he was practicing at the moment, the horror and the fact that he could get seriously punished for it. He decided to stay quiet and just let Larry take it all in, and ask questions if he wanted. And the questions came, enough of them. He heard the worry in his brother's voice and he couldn't blame him, Dark Magic wasn't the most healthy magic out there and his darkened hands were proof of that. He rubbed his hands together and flinched when he felt the burn marks rub over each other, they still hurt so much, even after all this time. "It's not dangerous for me, perse. It's a transfer of energy, so to say. I can pull the life force from living things so that I can heal myself. Eventually I want to be able to heal others as well, but that's going to take years of practice." He sighed and picked up his bandages, ready to wrap his hands again. "If I don't push myself, I'll never get better, Larry. I'll only end up worse if I can't push myself over the limits." And thus it showed that the punishments from his parents still sat deep within Sigma. He could only be better if he did better, if he would push the limits and pushed himself over it. Otherwise he would fail, and failure meant pain.

Tags: Polaris Estrella

❝ Despite everything, it's still you ❞

They both had found ways in their own right to survive in this unfair world. Well, survive was quite a broad term for them. They had learned to live with the tools that had been given to them. One on the constant run as the other had turned himself towards darker things. Polaris felt slightly responsible for this. Because... Would he have done the same thing if he had remained in Xaila? If he had stayed by his brother's side? And even if he had reached for the dark arts, would he have been able to hush him? Make the pain more bearable? He doubted that he could, as he was as useless as they came. He couldn't wield any magic; all he could do was turn into a fish. And he had yet to see the benefits of this form, because all it had brought him was pain and suffering. If he had just been born human... If he had just been born in a normal body... If only. It was such a bittersweet thought he held onto, something he had craved ever since he discovered what he was. And it pained him each and every time when he realized that there was nothing he could do to change his past or future. Not yet anyway.

And for everything they had lost due to time apart, they caught up with each other by talking. He nodded slowly at Sigma when he explained the whole Ozzy situation. It was good that his brother understood it, because now they would be able to meet here... And that was a good thing, since it was safe in the tavern. Besides that it also offered food, warmth, and a bed and honestly... What more could you ask for? The young man had lived in such inhuman conditions for so long that everything could qualify as a good enough place to stay. But even if he did go for the bare minimum, this place had its perks. It was no castle or such, but... Did he really need such luxury? Nah. He never was one to strive after such things anyway.

His concern for what the other did was quite clear. Perhaps it was also a fear of the unknown that pushed him to feel like this. Dark magic wasn't as understood as the other types of magic, mostly because it was concerned a forbidden craft. And he knew what could happen to his brother if he did get caught practicing this variant of magic. But he also held trust for the other. He knew that the mage wasn't a reckless being, anything but. He surely had weighed his options before committing to it. He was sure of it. And as he voiced all the things that lingered in his mind, his bright eyes went to his arms. He observed it carefully, feeling his stomach turn the longer he looked at it. He had always been a fragile thing when it came to more violent scenes. Blood, wounds, and other gorier things never really sat right with him. A clear indication that he should never get into medicine or be a healer. Not that he had the knowledge nor the magic to really pursue such things. Perhaps for the better, as he was known to faint at the sight of blood.

Sigma started to speak, and the merman looked back at him. He told him it wasn't dangerous for him and went on what he actually did; pulling energy from one thing towards him and healing himself. He nodded slowly as he continued to listen to his twin. He went on to state that, eventually, he wants to heal others too. And that was the moment something snapped within the other. Blankly he stared at him, almost in disbelief. Heal others... Like how moon magic could be used to heal. But with... Dark magic. It was pulling from other things, surely it could extend it reach beyond the physical wounding... Perhaps it could also heal... Curses. Slowly he blinked, the idea that rushed in his brain made the room around him spin and he had to hold onto the blanket to not topple over. A silent promise, a thing he could reach for. But in so many ways it just felt wrong. He could never... Ask the other for such a thing, right? His gaze went to his arms as they started to move, and Sigma spoke once more. His voice echoing a promise and an oath that their parents had made before them and had passed on to their sons. An everlasting backlash that would forever haunt the mind of one of them. And he was powerless to do anything about it.

Polaris remained oddly quiet for a bit as he stared at how the other was working with his damaged arms. His amber eyes focusing on how he did every action... Until his gaze went back to his brother. "Do you think you can fix me when you get better?" it slipped his mouth quicker than he had anticipated. And as soon as it did, he knew that what he had said was wrong. His cheeks coloured a hue of red as he averted his eyes to the ground beneath him, pulling himself more in as his tail moved over the floor. But being this big and clumsy didn't allow him to curl up in a little ball, not on dry land. "Forget what I said-" he said quickly after he took a deep breath. "Just know that you can- You don't have to prove yourself to anyone anymore," The young man held his breath for a moment as his mind started to feed into the idea of being free of his fish related curse, it made him feel sick. "So take as long as you need. You don't have to perform for them anymore," he didn't need to be their little prodigy anymore, their perfect little mage boy. They were gone... Right?