When she loved me

❝ You're going to make it, trust me. You're going to be okay ❞

It had been a bad night for him. His eyes felt heavy when he finally decided to leave his bed. The crying had held him up, draining his mind with painful memories as he had stared off out of the window. And now, after hours of letting all those emotions run wild, he felt like no more could go out. At least once a month, he noticed, did this happen. When his brain would slowly reel in the time that she was still with him. When his Esther was still beside him. It had only been a couple of week... No, months now, that she had passed. It felt so... surreal... Every time he thought about it. But he knew those were the little tricks his mind played on him. It used to be habits back in the day, but they had become something oh so painful for him. Just like how he would wait by her door every time she asked him if they could go bird watching. She usually took 15 minutes to get the thing she spoke off, and every time it was the same damn thing. A little pin of a bluebird. Why she had always wanted it with her, he didn't know, but she just did. The fact she always managed to lose it still brought a smile to his face.

He couldn't find the energy to work today. He simply... Couldn't. As his brown eyes focused on the small pin his hands, he could feel a new wave of sorrow wash over him. So... He turned his gaze away, putting the item back down on his nightstand. He got up from the bed, quickly grabbed some clothing and put them on. His movements felt sluggish, but he really didn't feel energized enough today. His mind softly whispered for him to remain in bed. To wallow away in his sadness as he looked over her old paintings, their old letters. But he knew that would only worsen his situation. It would only result in him crying even more, most likely ending the day with even less energy than he had begun it with. Don't be sad, let's go for a walk. He took a deep breath as he nodded. Yea. That's what she would have told him as she pulled at his arm. He averted his gaze to the ground for a moment and just... Trying... To be okay.

So he went on his walk. He wandered through the familiar streets of the upper ring as he held his eyes on the sky, observing some of the birds flying by. Softly whispering the name of every species that found it's way through the city. It was a bit of a shame that it was winter, so not a lot of animals were out and about. Luckily for him it was a gorgeous day, meaning that the scarce wildlife that could be found here had decided it would be a good time for foraging and being active. He smiled softly as he looked at the creatures... Just being and doing what they were supposed to. Some times he wished his life could be as simple as that of a small blackbird. The only worry on his mind would be where the wind would take him that day. A simple life... Oh... How he longed for something like that.

His gaze went to the building in front of him. He wasn't surprised that his legs had taken him to this place. Clarence had always been a religious man, always trying to find guidance in a greater power. Just trying to believe that somewhere, up there, there would be someone looking out for them. It soothed his mind, gave him stability and faith that things could be better. So... He stepped inside. His dark eyes going over the familiar interior as he folded his hands. The silence in the building gave him a sort of peace that resonated with him. It was able to hush some of his most inner turmoil. He slowly came to a halt, before taking a seat, carefully placing his hands neatly against each other, before letting his fingers intertwine. Humbly, he lowered his head as he closed his eyes. A silent prayer.