the less i know the better

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He had been alone in the estate for like five days before those two she-devils spawned right in front of the door. There really was no escaping his family at all. Maybe he should ask the Rizals if they had any use for him, perhaps take up a job in Ishgard. Not that he had much to offer, unless they really wanted to know the ins and outs about all the random shit he knew. Like the entire history of Odiria or what the best strategies were to pin down your enemy. Or... What kind of poison could be made from which berries found in and around the city. It was simple knowledge for him, but maybe they had some use for it. He always had the kind of brain that would hold on to knowledge like a sponge. Suck it up and keep it in. Atleast one thing he was good at. Sadly for him he never really pursued his talents and as soon as he had the general basics he went more out of his way to explore his physical abilities. Which was... A flop to say the least.

He sighed as he slowly came to a halt. He had been lost in thoughts as he went around town, just staring of into the distance. Maybe he should see what Alyssia was up to or something. He wouldn't get scolded if he went to just go visit her right? He could tell Rán it was being useful because keeping up relationships with a high standing family was an important matter. He doubted she would be pleased by it though, as it always seemed as everything he did was just not good enough.

He stepped aside as he heard a horse approach. The carriage went by rather quickly and the small man followed the creaking thing with his one good eye. Seeing the deer in the back of the cart did however spark an idea. He blinked rapidly as he leaned back a bit. Hunting. He was pretty ok with a bow and- Wait. He frowned a bit as he slowly looked down at his hands. Was he just imagining it or...? His gaze shifted to the ground, where he quickly found a rock. He picked up the thing and scanned the area around him. There was a bucket a few meters away from him. Hm. He leaned back a bit as he frowned, squinting his eyes a bit. He leaned back and threw the stone towards the bucket.

His test quickly showed what he had feared; no more depth perception. The pebble had skipped past the bucket straight towards a wall behind it where it bounced off and found it's way in a ditch. He closed his eyes as a painful groan left his mouth, planting his hands in his face. For the love of Ranaan. What could he even do anymore beside just being a living punching bag?

The last few weeks had gone by in a rush. His brother had died, he’d gone to the funeral as quickly as he could only to have to travel back to Sleetspire a day later. Now, he’d gone back to Norwyn, but as soon as he’d arrived there it became clear he’d have to return to Ishgard, travelling with Nerys and Rán to track down Ve; his nephew that had managed to disappear, reappear and disappear again in a matter of weeks. It almost gave him a headache just thinking about this.

Right now, he’d decided to take a walk. It was always nice to be able to clear his mind, not even focusing on where he was going. Afterwards, he decided, he would go looking for Ve. He hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to him yet since he’d arrived in Ishgard, having let Rán and Nerys talk to their brother first. But it was time for them to have a chat off their own. He wanted to know what the young man had to say and what he could do for him, and that conversation wouldn’t go well if all the siblings were present with the tension that had been building between them recently.

It was a pure coincidence that Erek looked up and saw the subject of his musings. Ve threw something after which he hid his face in his hands, clearly having missed whatever it was he’d been aiming at. Was it his eye? Erek had seen the scar; maybe it had left more damage than what was visible on the surface. “Ve?” he tried to get the other's attention as he walked closer.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He didn't realize how bad he actually felt about the situation until it actually happened. His heartbeat started to race as he slowly started to think over what it all meant. He shook his head a little, took a step back and placed his hand in his face. It was a stupid idea anyway. Why did he even bother? He knew it was gonna upset him either way, even if the results were better then this. He sighed, trying to regain his posture, as he was still in public. To show this kind of weakness in public, now that would unbecoming of a Trygg. Something his father had learned him from a young age.

He perked up at the sound of his name, looking around in confusion, before meeting the gaze of his... "Uncle Erek!" He said, his sickly white skin getting flushed by embarrassment. He blinked rapidly, before clearing his throat and straightening his clothing quickly with his hands. He nodded, bowing his head a bit in respect in the process. "I did not... I wasn't aware you were also visiting Ishgard at this time of year. What brings you here?" Perhaps the man was out for business matters, as he was the governor of Sleetspire. The fact the man could have seen his half... sad attempt of a fiasco made him... Really uncomfortable. He had hoped to get some more privacy on his walks out in public, as little people seemed to recognize him here. That was, ofcourse, before they heard the name Trygg.

Ve had his gaze averted, looking at the ground and his own feet, clearly avoiding eye contact. He didn't really like to look at people directly, especially when he knew that he did something wrong.

He hadn’t expected to run into Ve and neither had the other expected to see him in the city. The young man had already left when Erek had let Rán know that he would be coming to Norwyn and since he’d let the sisters deal with their brother first, the other hadn’t been aware of his presence yet. Erek gave his nephew the time to compose himself again before he answered. “I came to visit in Norwyn, but had to follow your sisters back to Ishgard after they found your note.” He looked at Ve when he spoke, looking for his reaction while keeping his own expression free of anything that could be read as judgement or condonement. He’d been worried about the young man himself and the idea that he might have passed Ve on the road from Ishgard to Norwyn had crossed his mind more than once. To see him alright and well, except for the scars, was a relief.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He felt a bit weird about all this. He felt a lot of respect for his uncle. Not the same kind of respect he felt for his father or Rán, since he kinda feared them. He didn't fear Erek, however, as the man had never done anything wrong towards him. But in the end that kind of set him off in a weird way. He always expected something to come from people, even if they hadn't proven to even think about matters like that. BUt that was the mind of someone who lived a life of constant fear of what was next to come. He couldn't help but wonder what the other was thinking and the only thing that came to mind was hate and dissapointment. Because hey, what else was there to be expected when talking about himself?

He said that he came to Norwyn, but had followed his sisters back to Ishgard after they found his note. He took a deep breath, holding on to it for a moment as he slowly let it go. He didn't want to sigh, since it would only be direspectful to do so. "I see," He said as he put on a soft smile, forced, ofcouse. But he was used to forcing on his emotions. "My apologies if it has cause any inconveniences. I simply left the note to inform my sisters of my whereabouts, since they were so worried the last time I left without saying anything," They weren't worried, they were pissed. Angry. Or just didn't care.

From Ve’s words it seemed that he’d only wanted to keep his sisters from worrying by leaving a note; he did not realise that disappearing so soon after the last time he was presumed dead, note or not, hadn’t kept the people that cared about him from being troubled with him undertaking such a journey. At the same time, Erek could understand his nephew’s longing to be away from home. He’d had many conversations with Vikar about how Ve just wouldn’t listen and kept getting into trouble and had said the same thing then as he’d said to Rán yesterday: being cooped up only made someone want to get out more.

Erek nodded in response, but decided to try a different approach than where his thoughts went first. “Why did you decide to come to Ishgard?” he asked the young man. He wondered if there was any particular reason or whether he’d just wanted to get out of the house. “Will you walk with me?” If they were going to talk, they might as well walk while doing so. Standing here in the middle of the street was starting to attract some weirded out looks from strangers passing by.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He honestly didn't care if they worried, because he knew they didn't. If they did mention they did then that was a lie. If anything Rán only wanted to keep him in a box until he served his purpose for like making kids or whatever or marrying off to some Ravaryn hotshot so the Tryggs could even stand higher up. Maybe marry someone of the royal family. Hell did he know. Maybe even Rizal, cause that could also be a huge catch for a Trygg. Just a guy to be married off. Oh what a title. Oh what a great title. And what about little Nerys, his baby sister. They had some bond before but that was completely gone and besides... Even before all she did was make fun of him. No. They both didn't respect him. If anything the two ladies would most likely celebrate his death.

But he was never gonna share that thought with the man in front of him. Erek had always acted like a second dad. Maybe because he did not have children of his own. Maybe that was also the reason why he adopted the two boys. The older man spoke again, asking why he decided to come here. He blinked, panicked for a moment, but quickly calmed himself. Just keep breathing Ve, everything was fine. His uncle quickly invited him for a walk and the boy nodded swiftly. "Uh- Yes of course, that would be lovely," He offered up a smile as he hastily went to join him for this walk. He tried to keep himself up straight and have a steady pace... But he could already feel his bad leg pulling at him. No... he didn't want to start limping now.

He ignored the pain and kept at, trying to cover it up by just walking a bit different. It worked, for now. "Well... Norwyn is a bit far off for people to come to," he started off slowly. "I wanted to get some information, get ready to go to Lemuria to find a real healer," Wait- "That's not to say that druids can't be healers nono that's not what I meant!" He smiled awkwardly. Oh dear. "My... personal healer can not prevent the wounds from healing into huge scars... Nor can she restore my..." He fell silent for a moment, shaking his body a little bit as he started to smile again. "So you know. Since Moon elf magic is weak up here why don't I go down there?" Oh why did he even say it like this. "Like- I mean- Sorry-" Oh dear. "You know- I just thought-" You're making it woooorse. "That like...." Shit.

"I don't wanna be ugly ok," No- Ve that was also not it, but great job anyway you idiot. Ok maybe it was a little bit true. "I don't know... I just wanna erase it," And did he even need a reason for that?

Ve agreed to walk and fell in step beside him. The answer to Erek’s previous question, however, did not come easily. The young man seemed to have trouble articulating what he wanted to say. “Of course not,” Erek tried to set the other at ease when he went on a rant about druids and elves and their healing capabilities. It wasn’t easy to follow, but when he boiled what Ve was trying to say down to the essentials he understood what the other wanted to say. He’d gone to Ishgard so he could travel further down the continent to Lemuria to find someone capable of healing the wounds on his face that would otherwise turn into scars.

At those last words Erek looked at his nephew softly. “I will try to convince your sisters of the need for your journey.” It was true that Ve would receive the best care he could in Lemuria; no one could match the healing capabilities of the moon elves. Rán and Nerys would have to understand that this was necessary.

As he looked to the side, the clawmark grabbed his attention again. “What happened?” he asked. Ve had just said that he wanted to erase it and he realised the young man wouldn’t be happy to talk about it, but Erek needed to know what had transpired in the days of his disappearance and what had caused these scars—because they seemed eerily familiar.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

Uncle Erek gave him some conformation that did calm him down a bit, but his thoughts were scattered. He felt lost in his own brain, helpless even. He always made these kind of decisions for himself. Things that seemed like a good idea but afterwards were just a completely idiotic thing to do. Or not? He was still certain that his idea was the best course of actions. He had warned his sisters, left a note, so they knew where he was. If they hadn't followed him to Ishgard he would have sent a note to inform them of his travels to Moonbright. He had to find someone first who could take him there. He knew the way on a map, but actually following it was another thing on its own.

The next words the older man spoke to him caught him a bit off guard. He slowed his pace a bit and blinked in surprise as he looked at his uncle. But he quickly regained his posture and nodded to the governor. "Thank you uncle," His raspy voice sounding a bit more stable then before. He even offered a small smile at him. It did him good to not here why he shouldn't go, why it was better if he stayed in the safety of Nowryn. To hear once again how fragile and weak he was. It was a nice change, for once.

His gaze wandered to the streets, but before he could ask something to his uncle, he spoke. What happened? He turned his eyes towards the older man, frowning. What was he tal- Oh... He was clearly staring at his face. He lifted his hand and brought his fingers closer to the gaping wound on his face. He leaned forward, letting his hair fall over the ugly mark that was made. "I don't remember," was all he said in a quiet tone. "I went out to hunt a wolf since father was- well.." He didn't need to spell it out. They all knew his time had come. "I was out in the woods tracking it down before I was attacked. I think it was a bear, must have been a bear-" He sighed. "I don't really know what happened after that. Only that I woke up in a cave with the remains of a fire. My wounds had been treated and some of my stuff was stolen," He shrugged. "The one who rescued me from the bear must have taken something as payment for the rescue and treatment. I mean I don't mind. It was just my dagger he took and some coins," he smiled softly. "And I don't think a bear would take those things," He chuckled at the thought and shook his head. "Doesn't really matter anymore though. After I get a moon elf to heal these wounds I'll be as good as new," Or as good he could be.

Growing up in Ravaryn meant learning to be resourceful, independent, prideful. But despite all the lessons his father had tried to drill into him, Erek had eventually learned that people were stronger when working together and that accepting help wasn’t the same as showing weakness. That is why he knew that Ve would only be able to receive the best care he could in Lemuria. Ravaryn also had its capable healers, but none could compare to the moon elves that specialised in medicine. The look on Ve’s face didn’t surprise him; anyone else would have told the young man that the healers in Ravaryn would be perfectly capable of helping him, that it would be best to stay in Norwyn or Ishgard. But Erek knew that wasn’t true and answered his nephew’s smile with one of his own.

Erek realised he was staring, he didn’t enjoy any of this himself, but he needed to know the answer. Ve didn’t remember. That was not the explanation he’d been looking for. A bear? It could be, the marks looked similar enough for that to be possible—but still… “No it wouldn’t,” Erek chuckled softly when Ve remarked a bear would never have taken his dagger and some coins. “And the person who rescued you didn’t leave anything that could point to their identity?” Ve had said he didn’t remember anything, but he had to be certain. Though Ve was right that it didn’t really matter. He was safe now and would soon be able to have the wounds healed. But there was one last question nagging at him that Erek had to ask: “You weren’t, by any chance, bitten by what attacked you?”

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

His uncle had been staring. He hated it, but there was little to be done about it. He couldn't scold his uncle for staring or tell him to piss off. Those were things he did to people that he had no respect for. But in the case of Erek that wasn't true. He had respect for the man and on top of that was he also in charge of Sleetspire. The ex general of the army aswell. His uncle had achieved great things, just like his father. And perhaps that kind of stories in regards to legacy were also the ones he was chasing after. His older sister was governess of Norwyn. If something were to happen to her he would become governor. But him outliving Rán? He didn't see it happen. If anything the best call would be to make Nerys the heir to the city until Rán had children of her own.

But now was the time to talk about the marks on his body. His uncle agreed to what he said and he nodded once more. Erek went on to ask about his mysterious rescuer. He shook his head. "Nothing," Was all he could say. "Although they must have been skilled healers since my wounds were already stable enough for me to make the journey back home by foot," And that said a lot, since he wasn't that mobile to begin with. He always started to limp whenever he walked too much. He had little endurance or any physical strength. To be able to make a journey like that in his condition meant a lot. "There's little people I can think of that are capable of that live up in the north, so it might have been an outsider, a traveller," His quickly went over the possibility of a dark mage... Or druid. Couldn't be anything with moon magic, since they were too far away from Lemuria to work properly.

Eventually his uncle went on with the questions. He frowned when the man asked him if, whatever had attacked him, bit him. He didn't really know why he asked this, but he also didn't really know. "I don't think so, most of the wounds look like clawlike markings," That was... "I mean from the wounds I can see. I have some wounds on my back as well that the healers take care for for me. They haven't really commented on it besides for the fact that I was lucky," Or whatever. From what he had heard was the damage on his shoulder and back worst then the ones on his face. He averted his gaze for a moment, staring off into the distance with his one good eye. "Perhaps I should start wearing an eyepatch..." he mumbeled the words, but he was serious. The fact people kept staring at it made him feel awful.

Erek nodded. The person who had saved his nephew must have been a powerful healer indeed. Not very strong to start with, the young man would’ve had great difficulties with the journey back if his wounds hadn’t been properly cared for. “Most likely, yes,” he agreed. Someone with healing capabilities like that would’ve been easy to find if they were a local. Unless they were hiding there magic, just like he was. Letting people know you could do mark magic could cost you your life and so the person that had saved Ve might have left before the young man could see who they were.

His question was important, but he could see Ve didn’t understand why he asked it. Should he tell him what he feared? Erek decided he wouldn’t for now. It was most likely just his imagination that made more of the wounds than they actually were. “Make sure to ask the healer next time they examine you. Bites can leave nasty infections or curses.” They had no idea what had attacked Ve and thus it was better to be safe than sorry.

Ve’s next words made Erek look back to the road in front of him. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He knew he’d been staring, but all he wanted was the best for his nephew. “I know it’s not a comfort, but people will always find something to stare at.” Everyone had something that made others look at them or talk about them behind there back. Especially in higher circles people immediately noticed when you didn’t fit into what they thought you should be.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He truly wondered if the one who healed him was a druid. Because, if that was the case, then that would mean the person in question had extremely, even insanely, healing capabilities. No, if he really thought about it for a minute he could clearly see what it really was; dark magic. NOt that he cared if it was. His father had showed him dark magic, but he was never taught. He had been too weak, too feeble to even practice it. He wondered if his uncle also practiced dark magic. But... He didn't dare ask him here on the streets of Ishgard. It would be a scandal if that got out. But maybe, if he asked his uncle, he could learn him the arts. That was if he also practiced it. He kept it in the back of his mind for now.

Erek went on and he slowly looked at the man. Ask a healer? He frowned, but nodded slowly. "They have looked over the wounds already and didn't make any note of it. But I'll ask them again next time," He wasn't gonna defy his uncle wishes. If he wanted that he got checked out, then so be it. Going in against Erek was something he wasn't gonna do. He respected the man too much for that. The last part of what the man told him, however, left him a bit worried. He averted his gaze, waited for a couple seconds, before looking back. "It wasn't a lycantrope," His voice more stern then before. He made a fist out of his wounded hand. Damn Nerys. Damn family. Damn Tryggs. Why didn't they believe him? It was a bear and nothing else.

His uncle went on, about his eye. If he made him uncomfortable? Ve let out a soft chuckle as he shook his head. "No you didn't..." He said. He mostly felt out of place, if anything. People staring at him wasn't something he was used to. He was the scrawny Trygg boy with little interesting things about him. He liked books, dogs and got sick a lot. Truly, all these facts could be summed up on one hand, how sad was that. Uncle gave him some advice and he nodded. "Yes, you are right," he said in almost bitter tone as he sighed. "If only appearances didn't matter so much, especially for like... You know... Being a Trygg," He almost whispered the last part of the sentence, keeping his eyes averted. He didn't want anyone to overhear them. Because if they did, they would have all eyes on them. For now, it was just a few because of his nasty scar. And those few were more then enough.

Of course a healer had already checked the wounds, his nephew was always surrounded by healers and their potions, but still he wanted to make sure. Even if the chance that Ve’s healers didn’t know about curses was small, it was better to be sure than to wait until the next full moon to find out. He nodded when Ve said it hadn’t been a lycanthrope. The young man had always been smart so it didn’t surprise Erek he figured out what he was hinting at.

Erek was relieved when his nephew chuckled and told him he hadn’t made him uncomfortable, but that feeling quickly subsided at his next words. It was very true: being a Trygg wasn’t easy. It came with expectations that often seemed impossible to fulfil. “It does often make life harder,” he agreed. “But there are also opportunities we get that others don’t.” At more difficult times, that was a meagre consolation—especially when he’d been younger, Erek had found it hard to deal with—, but now he preferred to look at all the opportunities he’d been given in life.

❝ Silly me! For a moment I thought I was good enough! ❞

He was somewhat happy that his uncle let go of the subject of his wound. He didn't need another worry on his mind right now. His future was already looking grim enough as it was. He really did not need more bad things to ruin it. As his one good looked up in front of them, he couldn't help but let a sigh off his lips. It was hard, to just simply let it all be. But he tried to remain somewhat positive, look at it from a better angle. It was the only thing that would keep him afloat. It was quite the task to just simply be... Especially when you were the one outcast in a family of brutes. Ah... Maybe he was being too harsh with such statements, was he not? Erek had proven over and over again that he wasn't like them. And did that make him an outcast...? Maybe... But it also made him a governor, a loved father and a great leader. If anything, he was his role model. But so had his own father been a role model to him... It was part of the grief to realize that a dream was out of reach.

It had always been so difficult for him to be a Trygg. Because he didn't fit the mold of one. The fact he had a twin brother that had basically outdone him in every possible way. Like... Raanan really was a cruel jokester, was she not? How could one be like this? How could they give someone every possible reason to hate themselves and then still call themselves a graceful and good God? It was that Ve didn't blame her for the card that he was dealt. No. It was his family that was to blame. Just as much as they were his test, he was theirs. And he was smart enough to know that it must come from both sides. Give a bit, receiver a bit... All that. His uncle spoke of being a Trygg, stating that it did make life harder, but it also had it's positives. The young man hummed softly for a moment, before sighing. "Like... Not dying? Quite the opportunity there," he said as he rolled his eyes with a sigh. For just a moment he held his breath, knowing that he was disrespecting the family and the other by saying such things. He froze for a second, blinking in surprise. "I mean... Not that I'm not grateful it's just-" He paused, looking at the ground as if he would find the answer for his clumsy choice of words there. "I didn't... I haven't seen any opportunities yet..." Beside just having one of the best healthcare in the entire realm, most likely. The healers had kept him alive for years now. Ever since he was born. If he was born anywhere else, in any other family... They surely wouldn't have the money or capabilities to care for such a sick boy. But that was part of the problem. He wanted to be grateful, wanted to show them all he was. And all he knew how, was by showing them he was strong. That he could do something. Yet, over and over, had he proven how useless he really was. And what had been an effort to display his gratitude had only been a reminder that, perhaps, they shouldn't have put in the effort after all. Maybe they should have let that sick boy go when they had the chance... A painfilled glimmer filled his eyes as he sighed. It would have been for the best.