Fortress

❝ Maybe I wasn't made for this world ❞

Slowly, things had started to fall into place. With a goal back in front of his eyes, he could actually set his mind to do things again. He had been at a low point, being all alone in this room, barely getting any attention from anyone now that Shyam was locked away... Somewhere for a crime he didn't commit, or that's what he assumed the reason was. He had felt so desperate, so horrible... Even worse than when the incident had happened. And he still wasn't quite there yet. Maybe he would never be there again. But he could try and slowly push his pieces back into place. Slowly restoring that little light, he had been able to shelter for all those harsh years he had already endured. And despite that things were slightly looking up, he still felt like that little boy again. Useless and ridiculed by everyone around him for things he couldn't control. And where he had wanted to fight back, lash out and stand his ground in the past, he now had to fight the urge to completely give in to it all. If he wanted his happiness back, his moon back, he would have to fight for it, work for it. Things never came easy for people like him anyway.

So, just like he had done the day before, he had tried to stand upright on his crutches. Even though he had broken both his legs, one of them was already mostly healed. But his limb was still very weak from everything that had happened. His entire body was weak, actually. If it wasn't for moon magic, he would have surely be bedbound for months to come, if not years... Or even a lifetime. It was mostly pain that worked itself in his very being, forcing him to rest as much as he did. And it was frustrating, because there was little that could be done about it. He took the medication, but it did little to force the pain out of him. It muted it somewhat, but he never was really fully free of pain anymore. He just wished that awful feeling would go away eventually. Because if he had to live with this pain for the rest of his life, he most likely wouldn't even know how he would get through it all. Life was already hard enough as it was... Please dear Lythrana, just be kind... Even if it was just for this once.

After he had tried to balance on his leg, he had collapsed back onto his bed, panting softly as he closed his eyes. He had lost a lot of strength over such a short period of time. Perhaps it was for more then just his lack of activity. But he wouldn't mention it, not to anyone. He barely ate, because his appetite had been horrible ever since the incident. And where Shyam was able to help him eat a bit, as they would eat together and it would encourage him to eat as well, he now had to do that all alone as well. He had always been such a difficult eater, but with all the stress and the pain it had nearly been impossible to just do the simplest tasks. And where people might think that eating was very simple and easy, it really wasn't. But they would never understand, just like how they wouldn't understand so many other things. He had never felt so lonely and isolated before... And it was weighing down heavily on him.

He had his eyes closed as he sat on the side over his bed. His legs were still all wrapped up, being held together by complex looking structures that kept it in a straight line. Myrddin had a hard time looking at his injured limbs, even if they were all covered up. He could still see the mess that he had seen that day and for some reason it made his chest tighten up whenever he had to think about it again. Leeched onto his brain as a parasite, the traumatic event was slowly, but surely, doing more and more damage to his life... To his body and his mental state. And it wasn't even about the incident itself, but mostly about the aftermath. And it wasn't even about Ezekiel anymore, but the people around it that wouldn't let it go, wouldn't let it heal. How would they ever get better... How would they ever move on and rebuild what they once had if all they did was hammer each other down.

When he heard his door open, he slowly looked up. He opened his grey eyes, looking over at the other side of the room where the door to his room was. When he saw the red hairs, he instantly knew who it was. There really was only one person with mane like that. His gaze softened somewhat as he heard her familiar voice. And as he tried to lighten the mood by pulling up a smile, he simply just looked exhausted. The man was tired ever since his guard had been taken away from him. Doing him more harm than good, it would make people wonder why someone would do such a thing to a person who was already broken down to his lowest point. But his mother was simply a cruel person. All she could see was results, it didn't matter how the road was. As long as requirements were met... If they weren't corrections had to be done. And she had delivered, but once again only thinking about the result and not the consequences. If he wasn't feeling so horrible he might have actually spoken up about her decisions. But he couldn't, he really was at the end of his capabilities.

He followed her with his gaze, listening to what she had to say. She had been home for a day or so now, arrived yesterday. Oh... He nodded slowly when she said that. But he averted his eyes rather rapidly when she mentioned she hadn't seen him around. Well, if she would have arrived a month earlier everything would have been so much simpler. But now she had returned in pure chaos. By the Gods, one could only imagine what was going through her head at this point. As he saw her move in his direction, he slowly looked back up, seeing the glass with orange fluid almost instantly. He smiled softly, genuinely happy with the small gesture she did by bringing him a drink. So when she looked at him he lifted his hands, signing a Thank you at her as he looked up to her, that kind smile still on his face. But his eyes looked tired, despite how hard he was trying to push that feeling more to the back. This exhaustion would be the end of him if he kept this up.

And then she started to chitchat as if nothing had changed; as if he wasn't all wrapped up in bandages barely awake enough to be considered alive. She had always been so particular, especially compared to the rest of the family or people around the castle. The redhead had that air about her, as if she had some sort of endless energy... And the blonde heir had a hard time understanding how she did it. He was envious in many ways of her positive outlook on it all. She seemed so unbothered by everything going on around her, just living her own life with little worry about it all. But in many ways, she was allowed to be like this. To be wild, free and unburdened by it all. She wasn't the eldest of her line or had any heavy duties resting on her shoulders. She really had everything he wanted and by Lythrana, he would give everything to live a life like that. He already knew what he would do in a situation like that. Run away with the one person he adored more than anything in this world. To live the simplest life possible, just adoring each other day by day. It would just be Shyam and him... And everything would be perfect.

But sadly, that would never be a reality for him... And so he nodded, preparing himself to respond to her. 'I'm doing okay, just tired,' And in pain. 'It's okay, I was busy as well with work,' he signed at the other as he sighed softly. The duties of a captain were endless, even if the majority of his tasks weren't his to fullfill. 'I'm glad you got to do what you wanted to do,' he continued as he looked at the ground again, his hands still slightly hovering above his lap as he tried to go over the words he wanted to say. 'How are you?' he signed slowly, returning the question to her. 'Already making new plans for travelling?' It wouldn't surprise him, as she always seemed on the move. Before they knew it she would most likely travel to newfounded lands with people that didn't even speak their language. A chase for adventure and knowledge. To each their own, of course.

❝ Maybe I wasn't made for this world ❞

She was one of many cousins he had. The Vylasar bloodline was a widespread one. Intertwined with one another and the bloodlines of the other sorcery families and other high standing people. He was the product of one of such intertwined branches and she was too. All of them were. When looking at it from a bird's eye view it was so messed up, but there was little anyone of them could do about it. Maybe he could make a small change, a weak wave of resistance as he would one day be head of the family. But he doubted that he was destined to bring great change upon their line. He wouldn't be able to live with the thought of disapproval and disgrace in his head. It was already hard enough as things were now. He was already a broken mess since birth. A boy who would go down in history as the mute one who could never be. No-one had any high expectations of him. He knew that they just wanted an heir that was normal, would deliver as it was supposed to. Perhaps, if he one day had children of his own, they would find it in any of them. This generation of summoners was too broken and fragile to be of any use to anyone anymore.

Oriana was so lighthearted, something that was in great contrast to her brother and his right-hand man, Caelum. The man could be brutal, both in how he worded things and his physical actions. The siblings couldn't be more opposite of one another. But that seemed to be a pattern with this generation. Ezekiel and him weren't brothers in blood, but they were in a technical way. Myrddin was only a couple of months older than the other and they had grown up as siblings. Being raised by his mother, even though she would make clear that she wasn't his birthing mom. And for all the cruel she had said that could seriously harm a little boy, Myrddin had been the one to see him as such and more. And in many ways it had been a blessing that he had been a part of his life from the start. Without the silver haired sorcerer he would have never developed the sign language. Without the other he would have surely collapsed under the bullying and the harsh reality that was his life. He was the lucky one to have someone as great as Ezekiel as his brother. Despite all his shortcomings and his cruelty, he had done so much for him. And he had given nothing but distance and anger. All because he had believed the world to be his enemy. What a fool he had been.

He smiled at her softly as she tried to keep their conversation going, despite the situation. Nodding on her words regarding the drink. And when he told her he was tired, she also turned it around in a positive note. His smile widened slowly as he looked down at his hands. He was healing. Yes, that was right. But healing took time and that was just the one thing he didn't have enough of. He needed to be better, and he needed it now. For he had to search this castle for Shyam. The one goal that kept him going. Oh... How he missed him so much. He nodded as her enthusiasm went on and on and on. Yes, it was incredible when you thought about it. It was also incredible he had even been able to survive an attack like that. The healers would tell him that over and over. A bear attack was usually fatal. To think a bear familiar would maul you was just on another level. Creatures made of pure magic and eternal energy. They didn't exhaust and the capabilities they had from their fleshy counterparts was scaled up to an extreme extend sometimes. Kenai was an example of it, as the creature was just a pure monster. And his own Maeve was also an example of it, as her intelligence and way of speaking went way beyond that of any of her feathery counterparts.

And she was doing great, which was good. At least someone in this castle was. He nodded as she claimed the south was warmer. Yes, it would be hard to get adjusted back to life under the ocean. And he was right with his assumptions that she would most likely leave again soon. But she would stay home for at least a little bit, which made him smile as he looked back at her. That was nice. This huge house could use some positivity, after all. He nodded slowly on her mention of spending time together. And even though it was a nice thing to say, even something he should get happy about, it just landed wrongly on him. His worries about his love were too big to be able to think about anyone else. But maybe, just maybe, he could ask her for help. A rarity when it came to the blonde man, as he never asked people for help. Too stubborn, too prideful even sometimes to just bend and bow his head. But he was rendered almost completely immobile and mute thanks to what had happened. He wouldn't be able to use his familiar for quite some time, as he couldn't dance. And to top it off, his mother had taken his staff away. Why, he didn't know. But it would seem the woman just loved to punish him. As if everything that had happened wasn't punishment enough. Broken legs, almost died, wed off to a woman he didn't love or want, Shyam locked away and... It still wasn't enough. It just was conformation to the tall man that whatever he did, it was all a mistake. He couldn't do good things for anyone. He had to be better, even if he was at his limits, he didn't have a choice.

His expression had shifted as he looked back at his hands, clearly looking... Sad about it all. He was so tired of it all. This room, his mother, this life. When would it all end? But the redhead went on and he slowly looked back up as she pulled up a notebook, flipping through it as she finally settled down on a page filled with nature related stuff. Myrddin tilted his head as he observed her lines. But as soon as she called him the expert, surprise was clearly seen on his face. He looked at her with big round eyes as a slight blush came on his face, shaking his head. Ah- No.... No expert. He just liked to draw, that was all. And then she went on about practice and... He blinked at her in surprise, as if she had just offered him to do something he wasn't allowed to do. Well, it wasn't as he couldn't do it. It was just more that if he could work, he should put it to good use. Only in his free time he had time tor work on his art and even then- it was a shame how little he really could spend on his passion.

The surprise on his face faded as a smile came back on his lips, his blueish grey eyes looking down at her sketches. They honestly looked really good... So he nodded slowly. 'They're beautiful you've improved,' he signed slowly as his eyes trailed off to the little table next to his bed, where his own sketchbook was neatly placed on. The last person that had visited him had put it away too far for him to reach, sadly enough, so his gaze trailed back to her. 'Could you grab mine for me?' he signed at her as he nodded at the table. Even though he was sitting at the side of the bed, his legs placed on the ground beneath him and his crutches next to him, he still couldn't use any of them properly. It was as if his legs simply didn't listen to him anymore. 'I've mostly been doing human studies recently and still life,' because there wasn't much else to draw in a room like this. The pages were filled with drawings of Shyam, with the exception of the one apple or flower sketch every now and then. But as one would move on to newer pages, they would see that the drawings became scarcer, as if he had stopped. Which he had, ever since he had left and never came back.

❝ Maybe I wasn't made for this world ❞

It was funny how different she really was from her brother, his right-hand man in a lot of things. He could trust Caelum blindly if it was necessary. But the contrast was that where his logical side could always fall back on the other, his more emotional side would always go towards Ori whenever he needed something. Because, in the end, the siblings were as two sides of a coin. One being brain as the other was heart. Such a wide contrast, yet adding onto each other perfectly. If only such harmony was as easy to achieve. How much easier and peaceful his life would be. No more friction, no more fights. But that was an idealist way of thinking about it. And how much he liked to think about such a fantasy, see the world through rose tinted glasses and a sweet undertone, he couldn't. He tried, of course, and he showed others just what he wanted to show them. But that was about it. Deep down he was a realist and a bit of a pessimist. And that would most likely never change. With everything that had already happened, could you really blame him? It sometimes was just as if it was him against the world... Oh well. So be it.

He smiled when she lit up by his comment. He looked at her work once more and she started to speak. She was happy to hear that. But really, it was just the truth. Myrddin had to lie for his work and status sometimes, but the man was actually a very honest person. Always telling others what was on his mind. Or just simply sharing his opinions on certain things. One could say an open book, but that was also far from the truth. As he would never really speak of his own issues or what he wanted. Those kind of things weren't really imported anyways... His cousin went on, stating that she would add the drawings to her research. He nodded with a bright smile on his lips when she went on. Images added to texts as biscuits did to tea. They weren't a necessity, but a nice touch to lighten and underline the tone. It just gave it that little extra to enjoy the experience even more. And with more difficult content, it could be easier to process it with some illustrations. Really, it was a great idea.

When he got his sketchbook, he smiled at her once more. An expression that clearly indicated gratitude. His eyes went back to his most priced possession as he gently flipped it open, going through it at a pace that was clearly intended to go to the first free page as quickly as possible. When he noticed her in the corner of his eye, he looked up and she apologized in an instant. Myrddin tilted his head a bit. She didn't need to offer her apologies to him. he didn't mind if people looked at his work. Art was, after all, intended to be looked at. And just as much as she sought out his approval, he also sought it out in others. If only he could do this as his actual job. Oh... How great the world would be then. His smile widened ever so slightly at her comment, averting his eyes back to his sketchbook as he observed the drawing of the flowers that had been by his bed for a couple of days now. 'Thank you, that is very kind,' he signed at her with one hand as the other remained at the side of the book.

And then he was offered something. An eh... A gift? He looked up as he slowly reached out his hand, but not yet taking the two pencils she had for him. His grey eyes looked over the item... As his gaze slowly changed... As if she had just offered him gold. She spoke and he gently took it over from her, observing it as he turned it in his hand. His slight shock slowly fading away as that kind smile came back on his face. 'You didn't have to... But thank you,' he signed at her as soon as he lowered his hand a bit. 'Don't worry about peaking though, I don't mind at all,' He went as he smiled softly. 'It's not as if I'm keeping any secrets in it,' How funny, because in reality it did hold one of his biggest secrets. If one was only smart enough to realize it, that is. Because, well, a normal person wouldn't be drawing one man as perfectly and as much just cause. But hey, that was Myr for ya. And as he finished his signing he turned his book towards her, offering it up so she could flip through it as she wished.