Anybody else

❝ Maybe I wasn't made for this world ❞

It had been so quiet in his room ever since his mother was back in the city. Almost no words have been exchanged in this room anymore. The few people who came to visit did so in the name of duty. And besides that, the broken heir was all alone. Because he had to 'recover' and had to get 'better'. But as hours turned into days, he had found himself deteriorating faster and faster. The loneliness pulling at him as no-one came around to simply spend time with him. This wasn't even boredom anymore. This was solitude and he was withering away in it. He had lost count of how many times he would wake up crying at night, or how many times he had had a panic attack since Shyam was no longer by his side. No-one to comfort him or tell him he was alright, state that things would be okay eventually... He started to lose interest and willpower in the most basic things, sometimes not even feeling like taking his medication because he was too tired. Mentally he never had been at such a low point. Everything had been taken from him. Every sliver of happiness, joy... Positivity. Punishment after punishment. He was so tired.

Finn lay beside him on the bed. At first, he had felt a nudge every now and then as the animal asked him to throw the ball. But after Myrddin had thrown the thing two times, he just gave up. Staring at the dog with a certain sadness as it pressed its nose against his arm, even putting the ball in his hand himself. But the man didn't have the energy, his fingers wouldn't close around the toy, and he simply turned away from him. He honestly didn't want this. He was done. He was at the end of his energy, his entire alphabet even. He just wanted to sleep and then sleep some more. Because every time he was awake or when he woke up, things just got worse. And he had nothing or no-one to even look forward to. The one person he so adored had been locked away; and he didn't even know why or where. Well, he had an idea about the why... But when it came to the where he was clueless. If he could walk, he would search everywhere for him, find him... Safe him from this undeserving fate. Because this was all unfair. Because he had been the one who had sneaked away from him that day, not the other way around.

Let it be the fact that he was all drugged up and extremely exhausted, but realization came in... Eventually. And when it did, his eyes slowly lit up. His gaze slowly widened as he turned his head somewhat. If only he could find him... That was... It... right? The sorcerer let his gaze go to the edge of his bed, where the crutches were neatly stacked against. At first, he had been so enthusiastic about them, but then after he had gotten bad news after bad news, he had lost the will to even try and use them. Feeling as if it was pointless to even get back on his feet. No-one forced him to and with no real will to try it himself, it had all been cast aside. But now he suddenly had a promise, a way, a tool. Something he could use. Something he didn't need to rely on anyone anymore. The first step, both literally and figuratively speaking, would get him closer to the point he wanted to go to. For not only himself, but also the man he adored so much.

Slowly he pushed himself to sit upwards, something that was starting to get less painful by the day. Now... The difficult part would follow. The tall man took a deep breath, pushing the sheets off his body and revealing his legs, which were both still being hold together by bandages and other things that he didn't have much knowledge about. Myrddin averted his eyes instantly, not wanting to see his own fragility so nude and wide open for all to see. He held his breath, closing his eyes as he started to count backwards from ten, taking deep breaths in a way to keep himself grounded... And it worked. But not for the reason one would think it did, as his mind had started to focus on something he really wanted, on someone he really wanted to see right now. For the person he had to this for. So he could go to him, free him from the punishment he had no right to. The young man opened his eyes once more, slowly turning his body as he let his arms support him. Painful noises left his lips as he moved himself, eventually also slowly pulling at his legs, as he couldn't yet move them properly. And with every pull and twitch of his muscles, a jolt of pain rushed through his body. Yet, he fought it, hissed back at it... Until tears were rolling down his face and his expression had shifted to an anger filled one. Some pain wasn't going to stop him now.

Breathing heavily, he had grabbed onto the crutches, tensing himself up as he put them down and pushed himself upwards. His arms and body trembled under the weight and pressure he put himself onto... And when gravity started to pull down on his broken bones he hissed loudly, letting out another anger-filled noise as he tried to remain balanced, stubbornly so as he didn't listen to the many pain signals his body was giving him. He bit down, clenching his jaw as he took a deep breath. Angrily letting out low whimpers and whenever he would move, usually accompanied with frustrated and enraged noises. The way he looked down at his broken lower half was something... Estranged... As Myrddin never really had this kind of expression. Every inch of his face was in some sort of duality, clearly dancing a fine line of pain and pure anger. As if he was going to give in. He was never going to give in. It wasn't an option. It wasn't even a question of whether he could do this, he had to do this. And if he really couldn't? Then he would bend and break every bone in his being until it would work. He didn't care how much it took. It had to work.

He hadn't even noticed the noises from his door as he was concentrating heavily on keeping himself balanced. Tears ran down his cheeks as he fought himself to not give in and fall back on the bed behind him. One step. One step. He just had to take one step. But when he tried to move his legs, the air was pushed out of his lungs. The pain almost forced him to collapse and go back to the houseplant he was. His gaze stayed focused on his own feet as he tried to push himself.... And push himself even more. No. No. NO! When arms wrapped around him, he shook his head, moving his upper body violently so as to shrug the person off. He lifted his eyes swiftly to the one disturbing him, not even noticing how heavily he was breathing.

It took him some seconds before it clicked.. And that enraged emotion that was written all over his face slowly faded away, which made room for the pain and sadness that rolled over him. He held his breath, not really believing that he was here before finally giving in. His arms, that had been trembling more and more by the second, gave in and he collapsed back on the bed behind him. The crutches dropping on the floor, he closed his eyes, already exhausted by what he had done. Stupid. He was never going to walk like this. How would he ever find him if he couldn't even take that first step?