Duality

❝ Everything I was afraid of happening, happened ❞

He was given some homework by his teacher after he had gotten some language classes. Even after 4 years of these classes he still had issues with reading and writing. Where usually these things were taught to children, he was just now learning it. In the orphanage, those things didn't really matter. Especially where he came from. In the lower ring those things weren't of high importance. Most kids took more pride in their strength and physical capabilities there. Something Isaac wasn't able to keep up with as well due to his handicap. But now in the upper ring knowledge was power. And where he was relatively street-smart, he lacked when it came to theory things. It made him feel so... Insignificant whenever he failed again or didn't know something. As if all of that work wouldn't help or result into anything. Because, at the end of the day, he was all too aware that only the best would make it.

He frowned, staring at a couple of words he hadn't seen before. As he read it over and over again, he stopped, leaning back in his chair. He didn't know what it meant and he couldn't really decipher what it was through the context of the sentence. As he narrowed his eyes and started to fumble with his thumbs, he glanced over at the door to his fathers office. He knew the man might be busy right about now. He had just vanished again for two days and recently came back, but that was something that happened every month. Isaac knew that he was awfully busy and... That he most likely didn't want to hear about the troubles that he had. As he placed his hands on his lap and looked at them, he slowly sighed. He had already asked Clarence that morning with some of his math problems, which the man had taken up with much ease. It was clear that he enjoyed it as well, as he explained the problems to his adoptive nephew with a big smile on his face. But... The man was busy with his patients right about now. He couldn't just barge into his office, not at the hour.

He sat there for another couple of minutes, his eyes going to the door where he had last seen his father, before looking back at his homework. He could... Always ask, right? As he took a deep breath and jumped of the chair, he quickly walked towards the door... But paused halfway. Staring at the door with big round eyes, as if this was the most difficult thing one could ask of him. His hands clenched into fists as he slowly grinded his teeth, trying to find the courage to walk the last few steps. Slowly and with clear displeasure. He halted before it, staring up the door. A sigh left his lips, before he lifted his right hand and knocked... Perhaps a bit too softly. Oh well... If he didn't hear, so be it.

Scared people will do things,

After the two days he had missed, he needed to catch up on a lot already. Yet he had decided to actually work from home today. Simply because he wasn’t feeling up to appearing in the castle for a longer amount of time. Something he had spoken about with the Duchess and she understood. His explanation had been that he was caught off guard and that a random cold had taken him hostage. If anything it had worked. As long as he was present the next day again. And well, Charles had taken it upon himself to bring his work home. So now he was seated in his office, a cup of tea steaming on his desk as he was writing up some letters that needed to be sent out as soon as possible.

He knew that his brother, his little niece and his son were home as well. And part of him simply wanted to spend time with the two youngest members of the family. Yet work had drawn him in now. But maybe after this letter he could take a break. Seemed like a good plan, he still needed to get some lunch after all. His brother would be busy with work as well, but at least the two kids could probably join him if they weren’t too busy or something. For a moment he rolled his shoulders, still feeling rather sore from shifting. Deep down he had hoped it would get better over the years, but alas. There was no real proof of that pain ever getting better.

In silence he continued on his letter, until a soft knock resounded on his door. Maybe he was just imagining it. But he stood up after all. Walking up to the door and opening it. Finding Isaac standing in front of it. ’Hi there, what can I do for you?’ A smile curled around his lips. While the two of them still had their differences, he couldn’t imagine his life without the boy being present.

That you wouldn't believe.

MONTY

❝ Everything I was afraid of happening, happened ❞

He could feel his heart throbbing in his head, a sensation that made him feel almost nauseous in the process. It had been years since his adoption, and he still felt scared whenever he had to do such things. Was it because he would rather keep his distance from these people? Or was it because he was all too aware of what he really was. Born an outcast, a misshapen creature of mal intend. How could anyone ever give him shelter and love once they knew his true self? They all saw him as this little sad boy with only one arm. They only felt bad for him, and he felt awful that he leeched off that to just... Be here. Because he did not want that. It made him feel even more like a monster than je already was, a parasite. And what would they do to him once they knew. He had read about it; he had heard about it. Renestrae's punishment was a harsh one and he knew that before, no mercy would be spared. All were equal before her, after all.

With his eyes focused on the ground he waited for a response, the tension he felt in his chest almost rose to his head, but he was able to hold himself from having an actual breakdown. All was fine for now, his doom filled mind was only playing tricks on him after all. So.. When he heard the footsteps from beyond the door he froze for a moment. He contemplated going back to his desk and just trying again, maybe he could figure it out on his own after all. But before he could decide to do something else, the door was opened. Isaac kept his eyes on the ground, his shoulders hanging a bit low. His entire posture seemed like that of a kicked dog; one that knew it had done something wrong. Insecurity was his greatest enemy, it had always been that way, but today it seemed like it was truly capitalizing on it all. He didn't dare to look up, because he knew he had disturbed the others from his work. And he knew how important his adoptive father’s work was. This was a mistake, wasn't it...?

Charles spoke and for a moment the boy just kept his gaze on the ground below them. His gaze tracing the lines of the wooden floor over and over again, as if reading a book. But it didn't matter how hard he was staring at the ground; he wouldn't find the answers there. Not for his actual problem at hand, nor for his greater problem that he had been facing ever since he came here. "I uhm..." he began, slowly looking up. His eyes looked at the other for a moment, but he averted them right away. The sensation of stress taking ahold of him once more. "Idontunderstandmyhomework," he said quickly, barely a whisper. It was like ripping off a band aid, swift and painful. He could only wish that he didn't need to repeat himself.

Scared people will do things,

The man had written numerous letters already, and was now busy with putting every appointment that had been made into a small calendar for the week to come. Which was something that was appreciated by the Duchess, since she could keep track of the people she was supposed to see. It was a nicely divided thing, with dates, hours, the place of the meeting and the name of the person she was meeting. Meticulous work that did need some order otherwise he could simply throw it out and well, then all his work would be wasted.

Though when a knock resounded on the door he got up and walked up towards it. A smile resting on his lips when he noticed who it was. Though he wasn’t instantly met with the other gaze, instead his son decided to look at the ground. Which often made him worry if he had done something wrong or not. Isaac always seemed to be somewhat down, his posture often being more slouched than anything. Not that he cared, but if anything it told him that the young men still didn’t feel at home here. Which ultimately made him feel like a bad person for not granting the boy what he might need. Though not once had he ever voiced that he was unhappy, which made him worry even more.

Slowly but surely, he did start to talk. Making a smile curl around his lips for a moment. But in a second, that was gone again as Isaac looked away. Mumbling something he hardly understood. Only making out the word homework. A short nod followed. ’Let’s see what the problem is hm? I’m sure we can figure it out together.’

That you wouldn't believe.

MONTY

❝ Everything I was afraid of happening, happened ❞

He was finally able to word his concern, the reason why had disturbed Charles from his work. And as soon as he did, he felt horrible. The other most likely thought that he was an idiot for asking for help, because he sure as hell knew that his piano teacher hated the fact that he needed more time. It frustrated him a lot, the fact that he seemed to lag behind with everything he set his mind to. As if he wasn't meant to use his brain, but rather something else. Well, whatever that something else was, it surely wasn't his physical capabilities. He was literally born with a limb less then the people around him. He was just unlucky like that, but what else was new right? He kept his green eyes focused on the ground, awaiting whatever his adoptive father would tell him. Silently he hoped for rejection, as that was the thing he always was prepared for; the worst possible scenario.

But when the other spoke he slowly looked up. He didn't dare to make eye contact, and his eyes quickly trailed off from the others silhouette. He just nodded slowly, tensing up his muscles as he turned around. It was odd how easily he could move his body to go back to his desk. His feet felt heavy and for a moment he could swear that the room was spinning, but as soon as he found his way back to his original spot, he placed his hands down on the wooden table. He swallowed some of his nerves down, shaking his head as he sat back down, turning himself a bit in his chair as he pushed the paper more to the side so that Charles could read it when he came closer. "It's... Languages again," he said softly, averting his eyes to the ground as he softly pushed his feet against the desk. It slipped off slowly, but he just restored himself and continued with whatever he was doing. It was just like fiddling with his fingers, being busy gave his mind some peace. "I don't know what these words mean," he mumbled. "Or how to pronounce them," He just had difficulty with reading, because he had only recently learned how to read. And it was so damn hard. But he also knew that a lot of boys his age should already be past these types of struggles. He clenched his jaw at that thought, turning his head a bit away, keeping his eyes focused on the ground.

Sorrow fell over him again, realization that he didn't deserve this. He was awful, stupid, a good for nothing. There had been so many other kids at the orphanage that were better than him. Perhaps they couldn't read as well, but they weren't born a monster like him. Or they... They had both their arms. He just didn't understand why him. Even after all those years he still couldn't wrap his head around it. He was disgusting and useless inside and out. And for his entire life everybody had always told him that he would never be anything. It was hard to suddenly be given something. And he felt like he was failing at every opportunity and gift his father gave him. He was wasting his time with a boy like him. He didn't deserve it, he knew that much. He closed his eyes slowly, trying to keep those sad doubts to himself. But he could already hear some raindrops hit the window. He clenched his jaw, pushing up one on the chair so he could let his one real arm rest on it, hiding his face somewhat away. Why did the world only comply to these thoughts. There was no winning... Only chances. Why.... Did he only get this false hope?

Scared people will do things,

Charles often didn’t understand why the boy was giving himself such a hard time. If anything, Isaac had become part of the family because they had wanted that. The boy had something special about himself. Clarence had been the first to notice it, but Charles had quickly followed. Knowing what he signed up for when they adopted him. It wouldn’t be easy. Not for him, not for them. But they were going to do their very best in helping him out in the best possible way. Because that was simply who the Marlborough’s were. Helping others out was in their blood. That was the simplicity of it all. Something they had gotten from their father, or adoptive father, or however you wanted to put it. But sometimes it felt like he was hitting a wall with the young boy. Not that he could blame him. Alderrath was a difficult place to maneuver through. Certainly when being a kid. And then for Isaac, it was even harder.. Which was why he had gone through the steps he had done with getting him a prosthetic arm and all. It would make everything better in the long run. Even though right now, that might not seem the case.

The young boy had problems with school. Again. Languages again. Making him shortly hum. Okay, he could help out with that. If anything, he worked as a secretary, he should be able to help him out. The man slid the paper to him and he went over the words, making him hum once more. Fingers moving over the letters, a nod following. He took a chair and sat down next to the other, putting the paper back in front of the boy. ’But can you read them? No matter right or wrong.’ He asked softly, looking back at the boy. Perhaps he could go talk to the teacher once again, or do more of these exercises with Isaac. ’Hey, I don’t expect you to be able to do this from the start okay? It’s going to take some time and I’ll help you every step of the road.’ He spoke softly. Hoping the kid would find some solace in that.

It didn’t take too long before it started raining outside, which was weird since it had been quite a decent day outside. But he kept his focus in writing down the harder words, but not in the right way. More phonetically, which would help the other with reading and pronouncing them. ’Try reading the words out loud, exactly like you see them here hm? Maybe it will make it easier.

That you wouldn't believe.

MONTY

❝ Everything I was afraid of happening, happened ❞

It only made him more nervous, how his melancholy state already caused such a reaction to the weather. He wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry away his sorrow, let that pessimistic view on life fester in his mind. Because he was getting tired of trying. Trying to be fine with all of this, trying to just be better than the people thought he was. In reality, the handicapped boy was nothing more than trash in his own eyes. He still couldn't understand why these people were putting such effort into such a lost cause. Especially one who was so undeserving of any love or kindness, as Renestrea would put it. The whole Ashmoor mentality had planted itself within his brain. And all the doubts and regrets he had about himself were only getting amplified thanks to that. If only they knew, they would cast him out for the creature he was. That misshapen devil that deserved to burn in hell. And he believed that they should know, since these people shouldn't be burdened by a demon like him. But that was where his survival instincts kicked in. If he let his head hang now, he would surely die. And... Even though it was wrong of him to think like that, since he did deserve it, he didn't want that. He wanted to live, despite how horrible this world was, even though he was the devils spawn himself. Perhaps, due to that selfish mentality, he only proved to be as evil as the texts described him to be.

Isaac listened to his adoptive father, trying to push away all those negative feelings and thoughts that had taken root within his mind. But it was hard to focus as a voice in his head kept pushing him, kept telling him how wrong he was for using him like this. Was he really using him? He blinked slowly, his green eyes going to the man for a moment. And it confused him. To not see any annoyance or other things he thought the other might feel for him disturbing his free time. Instead, the man took a chair and sat next to him, putting his finger along the words as he spoke. Could he read them...? He blinked slowly, looking at the letters once more. And as he did, the world started to spin. He tried to keep himself grounded as he squinted his eyes. Charles was right, he could barely even read the words. It was as if there were holes in his brain where this knowledge should be, and he felt ashamed for blanking out like that. So... All he did was slightly shake his head, his face discoloring in a hue of red as he put his hands on his lap, looking down as a dog who knew it did wrong and was expected punishment. Disappointment once more.

When he heard something, it caught his attention. And as he did, he could see that he was writing down some things. And for a split-second childlike curiosity took the better of the young boy as he tried to peer over what he was doing. But once more the letters seemed to blend together, and his stomach turned once more. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat away, but to no avail. A gust of wind clashing against the house made him look at the window for a moment. A slight concerned look written all over his face as he was clearly nervous. His father spoke and he slowly looked at them. Nodding slightly, he looked back at the new paper, with the new words. His eyes scanning over the letters one by one. The first one, he couldn't read. He recognized some letters but couldn’t weave it together in a word, almost as if he couldn't see the relation to one another. "Ka... V... Veee..." he tried, but clearly failed as he looked at the l that was placed down, his mind in distress as it couldn't properly set aside if it was an e or l, besides being right next to each other and having a clear difference. He narrowed his eyes, biting his lip ever so slightly. A sharp breath leaving his mouth. This was hopeless. And with that thought he could hear the sound of rain outside once more. He had to stop before it got too much out of hand. But how...?